How much do you think "guilt" plays in a MM

[jj33]

PKN you sound very much like my xMM. He crossed the threshold didnt want to leave and now he is in an emotional hell (when he admits it to himself).

 

When I walked away more than a year ago, it wasnt to get him to leave it was because I couldnt take the back and forth anymore. There is a part of me that believes if I let him back in he might ultimately leave. But... he might not and I am not strong enough to endure it all again. It took too much of a toll on me. I know if he left it would be for me and I would be there for him 200%.

 

But I have come to the conclusion that if leaving is not an imperative for him, that he should not do it. The guilt the looking back the things he would give up that mean so much to him... its so so much easier to stay and be "miserable" on an emotional level than to run a bulldozer through 40 years of your life hoping that its worth it...

 

I can hear it in his voice lately he is thinking about it again.. about leaving. We dont discuss it. We simply discuss our work and get off the phone. But I can always tell. Ay yay yi... and I feel for him. But its a decision I cant make for him and if he wont discuss it with me there is nothing for me to do but move on with my life.

[blinded]

Your MM sounds a whole like me and I keep my emotions in check as well because I knew the affair would end at some point. But I slipped up and crossed it, knowing better.

 

I'm curious, if you don't mind, if it was your guilt that ended your A? You sound very much like my MM and I'm trying to understand him (or at least get a clue on what's going on in his mind). I know he won't leave her, I am someone to fill in the missing gaps. I am not expecting him to leave her, so I am assuming that it's guilt that makes him want to end things.

 

OR could it be that crossing the line would be a reason to end things? For the most part it was going well. But he keeps bringing up that we can't be anything more. (sigh) I'm confused.

[pkn06002]

I'm curious, if you don't mind, if it was your guilt that ended your A? You sound very much like my MM and I'm trying to understand him (or at least get a clue on what's going on in his mind). I know he won't leave her, I am someone to fill in the missing gaps. I am not expecting him to leave her, so I am assuming that it's guilt that makes him want to end things.

 

OR could it be that crossing the line would be a reason to end things? For the most part it was going well. But he keeps bringing up that we can't be anything more. (sigh) I'm confused.

 

 

Here let me answer a couple of things in this one post.

 

1) KismetGirl as I was out at lunch a thought occurred to me. If you want to see if your MM will make the transition talk about a future with him. I don't mean the next time you see each other as a future. A real future like living together, how to deal with children, vacations etc.... That is what my MW did to me, to only turn around and decided to reconcile with her husband. I will say that devastated me to think I had a future with her and then to allow myself to make the emotional investement to then have it torn away.

 

2) Which leads me to how the affair ended. I was ready to leave my family for my MW. Because I had allowed myself to cross over the boundary and I did start to play for keeps. She very much liked where things were going, since she was thinking the same way. Then her husband found out a bit of what was going on. They almost divorced because she wanted out but because of the kids she stayed and worked things out. But she would never "end" things with me, I was still giving her something. So I had to eventually call an end to all of it. I could no longer take the idea that I had been replaced. So I had to end it because my heart was breaking.

 

3) If you look in the infidelity forum I have a thread on how I am with my wife. Guilt is not my reason for staying obligation is more my motivation.

 

4) blinded sounds like your MM knows how far emotionally he can go. You need to determine if that is something you are happy with. I could've gone on forever with my affair at the level it was. I was in love with the MW and that happiness made being at home easier. But she was not happy with the status quo and so started the events that lead to the end for the relationship.

[jj33]

PKN any advice for me? He keeps coming back can we try again maybe if we got back together I would be ready to leave etc etc... but I dont know. Maybe its a lost cause...

[pkn06002]

PKN any advice for me? He keeps coming back can we try again maybe if we got back together I would be ready to leave etc etc... but I dont know. Maybe its a lost cause...

 

You don't want him leaving for you. The fact I almost left for my MW would've made built in resentment against her for anything that happened with my child. She did ask me that question one time and I said I would leave for her or not at all. She was who I wanted more then anything in the world. Chemicals of love played a lot in those decisions as well.

 

If he is not strong enough to leave for his own reasons then he don't want him to leave. If he does leave for you and things are bad he will blame you. In the mean time you would form a stronger bond with him and get to watch your heart get torn up if he went back to his family.

 

My advice is to leave him alone romantically, because I believe you get work from him right? You need to set boundaries on the relationship and make it only business. Because you cannot go back to the friends idea, you passed that long ago. He sounds like my MW in a lot of ways not really sure what he wants/needs, just knows he is not happy. So you force him to deal with his problems on his own without you.

[jwi71]

PKN any advice for me? He keeps coming back can we try again maybe if we got back together I would be ready to leave etc etc... but I dont know. Maybe its a lost cause...

 

JJ-

 

And just how would it end this time? Uh-huh, you know the answer. Nip this in the bud and now. Don't go back down this path...the path and its destination have not changed.

 

Is there a smiley for "smacking someone'? And would it even be called a smiley?

[Owl]

PKN any advice for me? He keeps coming back can we try again maybe if we got back together I would be ready to leave etc etc... but I dont know. Maybe its a lost cause...

 

JJ...again, clear reasons why NC is so very much required to move on and end an affair.

 

Because as long as you remain in contact...you're always going to be keeping that "hope"...and this situation will stretch on for years.

 

You'll always be dreaming about the "what ifs"...and never give any else a chance to REALLY have a relationship with you.

[pkn06002]

Owl good call on the "hope" since you are right, while there is still "hope" you stay in hell.

 

jj33 go NC and if it is meant to be he will find you in the future.

[jj33]

I cant go total NC I wont put myself in the poorhouse over this. I have been out of the A for a year without going back into it. I will just have to keep the same thing going.

[Mino]

This is getting very interesting....Ive always found delving into the male psyche particularly difficult. Men are so simple...and yet....

 

Now, HOW does a person go about "breaking through that emotional wall"????

 

This is my biggest problem with MM. I know he has feelings there, but he and I bottle it up, for different reasons, I think. I fear losing him if I say the wrong thing, and he , I think, fears admitting to feelings that will only further complicate the fact that he feels guilty for cheating in the first place and doesn't want to leave his kids, and I feel admitting for any feelings towards me would just make it that much more difficult for him.

 

in the end, I want him to only leave his marriage because HE wants to leave, not BECAUSE of me, BUT I feel like it isn't fair that he won't even acknowledge the fact that there is something amiss in his life to prompt him to keep coming back to me. i am the only woman he has cheated on his wife with, ever. This discord began only 2 years into his marriage, way too early for it to be simply a "low" in the marriage. This is going on four years now. before we hooked up he readily admitted , with perhaps a touch of lament , that "[insert wife's name here] is a great woman, a really great mother , a great mom, but, but, I don't know, there just isn't any spark between us. i married her because she felt comfortable, she felt like home"

He seemed to be justifying to me why he was in this relationship, when to be honest, I had never asked him about it and there was nothing going on between us at the time. It's as if he was convincing himself of reasons why he married her and why he should stay, and none of those reasons entailed being in love with her. I would feel pretty horrid if the best my husband could say about his feelings towards me were that I was "comfortable" and that I made a good mother....

 

I guess Im wondering, HOW do you approach a man to possibly "break through" this emotional wall? Whether or not it ends up in his leaving his wife is entirely separate. I think it isn't fair to anyone - himself, his wife, his kids, or to me, to keep his feelings in a little box buried in the back of his head just because they might be inconvenient and disrupt the balance of life as he knows it to be right now......or am I just crazy to think that in 20 years from now he'll be more miserable, when his kids are grown and gone? Right now they are all little, he and his wife , Im sure, spend most of their focus on the children so they dont NEED to address or focus with each other that something is amiss in their own relationship . In fact, during our year of NC he said that they were supposed to "address things wrong in the relationship" and STILL this is going on. I feel like that is easy to do when all your focus is on money and kids and that sort of stress.

 

It's all so confusing, but this trhread is providing my an insight I haven't seen elsewhere, and one I was hoping for , from the other MM's that don't HATE their wives and are other content with the stability of life at the moment, but still know they are missing that bit of life. The whole 80/20 argument I've heard before seems like total bollocks and a huge cop-out to me, taken from psychobabble self-help books to make people feel better that their marriage will never be all they wanted it to be so they should find other ways to settle for it. Fine, that works for some, but there IS possible a relationship that is 100%, and that you don't have to striggle to choose between the 80% stability, comfort, and the 20% personal happiness.

 

Or am I crazy to think so?

Hey KG... You are not crazy... great post by the way.. I totally agree with you.. Its called settling... I want 100, so does the rest of the world...

[wildsoul]

I know both sides of this coin and recently have gone through both recently and understand. Your relationship with him has meet that barrier where you move into playing for keeps or you end it. You walking away may get him to want to cross the barrier, but if you get him to do it you better be willing to accept what you are asking for. Because if he does it you will have his emotions in your hands. If you misuse that power his feelings for you will go from ultimate love to unbelievable hate like you have never seen.

PKN, thanks, I'm getting a lot from your male perspective. I'd like you to go deeper on the part I bolded. Here's why:

 

My guy and I have already crossed that barrier at deeper levels a few times. He moved out from his W, after I refused to date him otherwise. He was in brutal agony during our breakup. What we have is more emotionally/sexually deep than either of us have had w/ others. He makes it clear he is playing for keeps. Although he never admits he is toggling on his decsion (quite the opposite, he says he's never going back) I sometimes feel that he gets nervous.

 

His W was all about stability, and no passion. I'm more passion than stability in the traditonal sense. The emotional tension in the 3-way dynamic was very destablizing for me. It's improved a lot now. But whenever I get upset about something, it seems to spook him. I don't think my reactions are abnormal, but he says things like, "You're moody and too changeable." Once, he said to me, "I've changed everything for you, given up my home and marriage--it's never enough."

 

He seems to react to the slightest reaction from me. If I'm not adoring him, he gets difficult. I hope that it's just a phase that is tied in with his leaving his M, but I also worry that it's a personality defect that will continue. So we both get spooked.

 

What you're saying makes a bit of sense to me. Intuitively, I think this is about him being afraid of giving up his stable but boring R for one with passion, but more risk. If we don't work out, he'll be devastated. We already know that from when I broke up with him previously.

 

Can you ellaborate on what you mean by "misusing power"? I don't want to walk on eggshells, but perhaps there is something I can become more aware of. Thanks!

[pkn06002]

I cant go total NC I wont put myself in the poorhouse over this. I have been out of the A for a year without going back into it. I will just have to keep the same thing going.

 

Well you fished off the companies pier.

 

I would suggest you start making a plan to NOT need work referred from him then go NC. In the mean time just do your best to make sure you keep it business only when you have to talk. If anything slips into the world of the relationship you tell him to stop.

[jj33]

We have mutual clients I am not going to give them up so its inevitable that we will continue to work together. We dont discuss anything other than business. So its not a problem.

 

Im surprised you indulge the fantasies of other posters but come down pretty hard on me...

[pkn06002]

Can you ellaborate on what you mean by "misusing power"? I don't want to walk on eggshells, but perhaps there is something I can become more aware of. Thanks!

 

What I meant by the comment of "misusing power" is this. I will us me as an example since I don't want to generalize, although most of my male friends would most likely agree with what I am going to write.

 

When a guy is willing to make the leap to be emotionally vulnerable he is in a world where we do not spend a lot of time like woman do. There is a reason I always guard my emotions because going into that emotional place is risky and causes a lot of pain when it does not work out. So when I have gone into that place I trust that my partner will respond in kind and also not abuse the fact I have now become vulnerable. See once I hit that stage I become a puppy that will follow you and do almost anything to show how much I care for you. Which is NOT my normal method of operation. But I want the woman to know how much they mean to me, which causes another problem.

 

That if it does not work out that leaves me in a world of emotional devastation that I don't know how to handle, since I don't live in that world much. The only way I know how to get back to where I came from is to use hate to counter the love I had for that person. I use one emotion to fight the other. That use of hate does make it hard to remember the good parts of the relationship since I needed to focus on hate to get over it.

 

I have had one woman actively use that power over me to jerk me around for 6 months, before she decided to move on. In this last case it was a passive use since she was not sure how she was going to proceed and wanted me as a backup plan. In either case I was devastated and became very very depressed to dangerous levels.

 

But while in that vulnerable state life does feel wonderful, since in both cases the feeling was returned. If you MM is in this emotional state and you are not, just be gentle and about how you approach him. Since he has gone into a emotional state most men don't willingly go into. If you just drop him or abruptly change (against the relationship) he will not adapt quickly and will be hurt.

[pkn06002]

We have mutual clients I am not going to give them up so its inevitable that we will continue to work together. We dont discuss anything other than business. So its not a problem.

 

Im surprised you indulge the fantasies of other posters but come down pretty hard on me...

 

I don't mean to come down hard on you, sorry if it comes out that way.

 

You are in the toughest of spots and one I don't envy.

 

But you did ask for an opinion and I am finding that NC does work. For me personally is the only thing that seems to work, since we did try the "friends" thing and that idea of "hope" just keep getting in the way.

[jj33]

Thanks just for the record this is not a case where I have let him come back again and again. It ended over a year ago and he has tried to come back many times since but I didnt jump back in.

 

So when someone said how would it end this time. I dont know.

 

I dont have the luxury of NC. What am I supposed to do go work in 7/11? I cant give up half my clients just because I got involved with a colleague. That gives the whole situation way too much power. id never forgive myself.

 

What am I supposed to do next leave town? Move to another country?

[pkn06002]

Thanks just for the record this is not a case where I have let him come back again and again. It ended over a year ago and he has tried to come back many times since but I didnt jump back in.

 

So when someone said how would it end this time. I dont know.

 

I dont have the luxury of NC. What am I supposed to do go work in 7/11? I cant give up half my clients just because I got involved with a colleague. That gives the whole situation way too much power. id never forgive myself.

 

What am I supposed to do next leave town? Move to another country?

 

Well if you have been clear it will not continue and you are OK with the situation then you have only one more thing to do. You need to crush any and all hope he has of the relationship continuing.

 

Nothing will do that more then another man or a baby.

[Owl]

Thanks just for the record this is not a case where I have let him come back again and again. It ended over a year ago and he has tried to come back many times since but I didnt jump back in.

 

So when someone said how would it end this time. I dont know.

 

I dont have the luxury of NC. What am I supposed to do go work in 7/11? I cant give up half my clients just because I got involved with a colleague. That gives the whole situation way too much power. id never forgive myself.

 

What am I supposed to do next leave town? Move to another country?

 

JJ, what do you WANT out of this situation? You know that he's not interested in a long term committed relationship with you...he's not willing to end the one he's in now to be with you.

 

Given that...what is the best solution you can truly see happening here?

 

He's still trying...after a YEAR...he's STILL trying.

 

He's NEVER going to settle for just being your friend.

 

Are you willing to live in this situation, as it is right now...long term? Is the situation comfortable enough for you to do so?

 

If so...then no...you don't have to go NC, you don't have to leave the country or whatever. You just keep doing what you've been doing, and learn to ignore his advances.

 

If you want the situation to change...that's going to be a whole different critter.

 

Make sense?

[jj33]

I dont know. Am having a bad day on other fronts and I just dont know. And every time he is so nice to me I second guess myself

[wildsoul]

What I meant by the comment of "misusing power" is this. I will us me as an example since I don't want to generalize, although most of my male friends would most likely agree with what I am going to write.

 

When a guy is willing to make the leap to be emotionally vulnerable he is in a world where we do not spend a lot of time like woman do. There is a reason I always guard my emotions because going into that emotional place is risky and causes a lot of pain when it does not work out. So when I have gone into that place I trust that my partner will respond in kind and also not abuse the fact I have now become vulnerable. See once I hit that stage I become a puppy that will follow you and do almost anything to show how much I care for you. Which is NOT my normal method of operation. But I want the woman to know how much they mean to me, which causes another problem.

 

That if it does not work out that leaves me in a world of emotional devastation that I don't know how to handle, since I don't live in that world much. The only way I know how to get back to where I came from is to use hate to counter the love I had for that person. I use one emotion to fight the other. That use of hate does make it hard to remember the good parts of the relationship since I needed to focus on hate to get over it.

 

I have had one woman actively use that power over me to jerk me around for 6 months, before she decided to move on. In this last case it was a passive use since she was not sure how she was going to proceed and wanted me as a backup plan. In either case I was devastated and became very very depressed to dangerous levels.

 

But while in that vulnerable state life does feel wonderful, since in both cases the feeling was returned. If you MM is in this emotional state and you are not, just be gentle and about how you approach him. Since he has gone into a emotional state most men don't willingly go into. If you just drop him or abruptly change (against the relationship) he will not adapt quickly and will be hurt.

Wow. You self-proclaim to not dwell in emotionland, but that was a very insightful post.

 

I think you answered my late-night concern about, "Why does he over-react to the slightest upset from me?"

 

It makes sense now. He's vulnerable from the depth of our connection, and now doubly-so as he is getting serious about ending his M. I want to think that he's not leaving for me, but let's face it--the timing is definitely forced by his not wanting to lose me. Since he decided that I'm his next step, any emotional instability from me really freaks him out.

 

I'm vulnerable too and have a lot of fears about getting caught up in a bad R. However, you did a great job of reminding me why he might be more cautious right now. We need to find ways to not let our insecurities bounce off of each other. I don't want him to go running back into his M because I'm too emotionally challenging. Yanno?

[Mino]

Wow. You self-proclaim to not dwell in emotionland, but that was a very insightful post.

 

I think you answered my late-night concern about, "Why does he over-react to the slightest upset from me?"

 

It makes sense now. He's vulnerable from the depth of our connection, and now doubly-so as he is getting serious about ending his M. I want to think that he's not leaving for me, but let's face it--the timing is definitely forced by his not wanting to lose me. Since he decided that I'm his next step, any emotional instability from me really freaks him out.

 

I'm vulnerable too and have a lot of fears about getting caught up in a bad R. However, you did a great job of reminding me why he might be more cautious right now. We need to find ways to not let our insecurities bounce off of each other. I don't want him to go running back into his M because I'm too emotionally challenging. Yanno?

So I got a question for you... Does that mean walking on egg shells for you? I am sitting in the same position as you are. Mine has been out almost 3 months. His moods are up and down.. He is short with me sometimes. I felt like I had to walk on egg shells too. But I couldnt do it. I am a person who always speaks up when something is not right. Sure I wonder if he will go back.. but i refuse to walk on those eggshells... way to hard to do. If he is moody... I just say, oh you need time for yourself tonight.I I pack up and leave... He usually calls and apologizes...Just because he is in pain, gives him no right to treat me bad...

[wildsoul]

So I got a question for you... Does that mean walking on egg shells for you? I am sitting in the same position as you are. Mine has been out almost 3 months. His moods are up and down.. He is short with me sometimes. I felt like I had to walk on egg shells too. But I couldnt do it. I am a person who always speaks up when something is not right. Sure I wonder if he will go back.. but i refuse to walk on those eggshells... way to hard to do. If he is moody... I just say, oh you need time for yourself tonight.I I pack up and leave... He usually calls and apologizes...Just because he is in pain, gives him no right to treat me bad...

As a couple, I think we're just starting to go through this power struggle phase where one or the other of us gets upset. Rationally, I know this is a normal phase, particularly given the circumstances. Emotionally, I get overwhelmed.

 

The idea of walking on eggshells makes me . It feels co-dependant and icky. Plus, I'm keenly aware that while our circumstances may be temporary, any patterns we create will become entrenched.

 

I too, am a "bringer-upper." I feel safest when we can bring up difficult topics, and get all the way through them, ending up in love. That is how trust gets built for me.

 

I honestly do NOT know what's better. My instincts and personality are to communicate. Since that's a core-trait of mine, it better be one he likes and can respond to. *pondering deeply* Maybe it's a bit of a childhood fantasy of mine. Growing up was very violent and dysfunctional. My alcoholic dad couldn't handle my mom, brother, or I having any emotional reactions. It set him off, physically violent and in an abandoning way. Coming from that upbringing, I need--crave--being able to discuss all the good and the bad, then end up with peace and love. We walked on eggshells for years. *sobs* Dammit. Now I see why I'm so panicked. My guy was acting a lot like my Dad last night, yelling then abandoned me. *sobs more*

[Mino]

As a couple, I think we're just starting to go through this power struggle phase where one or the other of us gets upset. Rationally, I know this is a normal phase, particularly given the circumstances. Emotionally, I get overwhelmed.

 

The idea of walking on eggshells makes me . It feels co-dependant and icky. Plus, I'm keenly aware that while our circumstances may be temporary, any patterns we create will become entrenched.

 

I too, am a "bringer-upper." I feel safest when we can bring up difficult topics, and get all the way through them, ending up in love. That is how trust gets built for me.

 

I honestly do NOT know what's better. My instincts and personality are to communicate. Since that's a core-trait of mine, it better be one he likes and can respond to. *pondering deeply* Maybe it's a bit of a childhood fantasy of mine. Growing up was very violent and dysfunctional. My alcoholic dad couldn't handle my mom, brother, or I having any emotional reactions. It set him off, physically violent and in an abandoning way. Coming from that upbringing, I need--crave--being able to discuss all the good and the bad, then end up with peace and love. We walked on eggshells for years. *sobs* Dammit. Now I see why I'm so panicked. My guy was acting a lot like my Dad last night, yelling then abandoned me. *sobs more*

My heart goes out to you.... walking on eggshells suck. I try not to always bring up things and issues that run through my brain, i can hold it a few hours thats all. Then I explode, I have to get it out.. knowing that he may get even more upset... knowing i may push to far. But I just cant help it... I wont be miserable, done that too much throughout this R..I like to sit and talke about what i need to in a rational way, I am not a yeller... He sometimes tries to shhh me down with a tone of voice I dont like. Now I just raise mine a bit to let him know I am serious... Its working;) Other times, when he is moody and down,,, I just leave... he always calles to apologize...I hate this phase....its driving me nuts... started IC myself this week...I need a light in my tunnel:o Good luck sweetie:love:

[Mino]

As a couple, I think we're just starting to go through this power struggle phase where one or the other of us gets upset. Rationally, I know this is a normal phase, particularly given the circumstances. Emotionally, I get overwhelmed.

 

The idea of walking on eggshells makes me . It feels co-dependant and icky. Plus, I'm keenly aware that while our circumstances may be temporary, any patterns we create will become entrenched.

 

I too, am a "bringer-upper." I feel safest when we can bring up difficult topics, and get all the way through them, ending up in love. That is how trust gets built for me.

 

I honestly do NOT know what's better. My instincts and personality are to communicate. Since that's a core-trait of mine, it better be one he likes and can respond to. *pondering deeply* Maybe it's a bit of a childhood fantasy of mine. Growing up was very violent and dysfunctional. My alcoholic dad couldn't handle my mom, brother, or I having any emotional reactions. It set him off, physically violent and in an abandoning way. Coming from that upbringing, I need--crave--being able to discuss all the good and the bad, then end up with peace and love. We walked on eggshells for years. *sobs* Dammit. Now I see why I'm so panicked. My guy was acting a lot like my Dad last night, yelling then abandoned me. *sobs more*

Hmm you make a statement here which makes me wonder... You say you had a dad who abandoned you... was very much like your mm... Do you think that you see your father in your mm? Are you trying to make it right, win his love because in your subcousious you are still hurting from wounds from your father? When you choose a man thats like your dad thats some issues you may need to look into. Have you ever gone to IC, done work on the inner child? to heal these old wounds? just wondering... if thats the case you have your answer on the "why". it will be a pattern you will keep repeating until you heal those wounds inside your heart with your father.. just a though,,,

[GreenEyedLady]

It makes sense now. He's vulnerable from the depth of our connection, and now doubly-so as he is getting serious about ending his M.

 

I want to think that he's not leaving for me, but let's face it--the timing is definitely forced by his not wanting to lose me. Since he decided that I'm his next step, any emotional instability from me really freaks him out.

 

We need to find ways to not let our insecurities bounce off of each other. I don't want him to go running back into his M because I'm too emotionally challenging. Yanno?

 

We'd all love to believe that their vulnerable from the depth of the connection. I'm sorry, don't let him use the Get out of Jail Free card. When a man loves you, he puts you first. He puts your feelings first, and doesn't try to hurt you or lash out at you, just as you do him.

 

He doesn't act like a child. It's more likely he doesn't know how to navigate a healthy R and needs to be guided. He is counting on you letting him get away with bad behavior because of the circumstances. The funny thing about men is that they'll treat you how you let them. Let them treat you less than, and they will. Because R's are hard. They take work. From both partners.

 

He wants a guarantee that everything will work out with you. But there's no guarantee unless you both guarantee it. You both trust each other, you communicate and you are each other's biggest advocates.

 

And finally, if he would go back to his W because you are too challenging means that you weren't meant for each other and he wasn't done with the R with his W. There is nothing you can do that will send him back to her, UNLESS HE WANTS TO BE BACK WITH HER. You would have nothing to do with that decision.

 

What kind of R do you want? Because if you believe all this hocus pocus macho non-feely stuff, you're setting yourself up for an unemotional R. Is that what you want? Your right that you are setting the path for your future together. What kind of future do you want?

 

Do you want to be happy? And what does that mean to you? Is he able to do it?