wayfaerer1 Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 She IMed me today, I didn't want to respond but I did anyway... She said, "Idk if you want to hear from me or not, but I just wanted to say hi and hope your are doing well." I responded, kept responses short, let her do the talking and then I said I had to go. The thing that pisses me off is this one comment she made. I had taken her off my facebook friend's list after I saw a comment by this guy, some of you may recall that comment, had posted it a while back. Anyway, she said she knew exactly the comment I was talking about, and said she was sorry I had to see it. But then she goes, "Him and I are just friends, I PROMISE you...it's nothng at all." Why would she tell me that? You know what I mean? If we're not together what does it matter if she tells me who she is and isn't seeing or actually dating? I can sense that she still wants me around as a friend, because I used a little of my old humor, the kind she used to like, and she laughed. And the thing is, I was the one who told her I didn't want to talk to her, and that lasted about a month or so when she contacted me today. Anyway, I acted mature about it, despite the fact that I'd love to hate her right now and tell her off. But, I just dont get why she felt she had to tell me they are just friends, "I PROMISE YOU". Like me knowing that is going to matter anymore? What the hell is going through her head?
Geishawhelk Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 You Jackass - !! All this angst, stress and wtf because of: - I didn't want to respond but I did anyway... See...??? Se the sense of NC? Don't respond! Don't rise to the bait! Don't give the satisfaction of letting them know you're there reading or whatever!! Until you responded, she had noooooo idea of where you were.... "Idk if you want to hear from me or not, but I just wanted to say hi and hope your are doing well." Not a clue..... And then - WHAM - !! Sheeeeeeee gotcha!! I'm not going to answer your post, or feed your anxiety, or reply to your questions - there's no point. It's over!! Don't keep analysing, you'll only drive yourself nuts!! Let it go, ignore it, it's not important - No More Contact!!
EmperorR Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 DON"T RESPOND, it just makes them feel good that they still have your attention. BLOCK HER, trust in teh long run it will. My ex told me that same crap as well, how this dude is just her "friend", ya right, i went NC, she imed me twice I didn't reply, she text me on what would be our third anniversary I just deleted it. Like a idiot I checked her facebook page and noticed she is dating that new guy who was just her "friend", I just blocked her deactivated my facebook to heed off temptation. And she told you, that they are just friends, just for guilt purposes my ex told me the same thing, sad thing is that she got what she wanted, your attention.
ohwhyme Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 emperrorR is right. I did the same thing don't do it. Now we aren't talking again which is good but i didn't block her or delete her on facebook i just never check them anymore scared of knowing stuff i dont want to know. When they say its just a friends its bull****, it happened to me too and later they got together surprise surprise even though it didnt last long they still got together.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Yup me too. My ex and the girl he left me for were "just friends" and when we broke up I said "just dont get together with ____ okay?" his reply a very angry "I WONT". As if I was being some crazy woman expecting anything. Well they're dating now. So go figure. Started as soon as we broke up!
Author wayfaerer1 Posted October 28, 2008 Author Posted October 28, 2008 I'm a fool... Ugh, I need to man up and try and forget her.
ioncebelieved Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 I'm a fool... Ugh, I need to man up and try and forget her. NOPE!! You got that all wrong my friend! When you love someone and give your best you certainly are never the fool. The fool is the ex that let something so good slip away. Not sure of your whole story, but I at times thought I was a fool too. I have stopped this thinking and tried to be more positive. I broke NC after a month on Friday and last month after almost 3 months. Did I do it because I am fool??? NOPE!! I did it because I still love a fool. A fool for letting me slip through her hands. There always are clouds before you see that ray of sunshine.
Sysyphus28 Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 When you broke NC was it good? or did it turn out like everyone else's experience........... gut-wrenching?
BentSpine Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 But, I just dont get why she felt she had to tell me they are just friends, "I PROMISE YOU". The "I promise you" part is her way of TRYING to convince you. On some level, she knows that her words are not worth much. Because if she felt that her words meant something, she wouldn't feel the need to add "I promise you". If her words meant something, she would have said "We are only friends" one time followed by silence. Her word would have been enough.
ioncebelieved Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Let me just say it was not good and it hurt me. Kind of like the nail in the coffin for any hope I ever had left. NC breaking was a bad idea, but I just had to do it...or so I thought.
BentSpine Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 EDIT: By choosing the line "I promise" this time, she is in effect implying that she is lying whenever she doesn't add "I promise". That would make her a liar, and once you've established that someone is a liar, you cannot pick any single bit of information of value that you can trust.
Author wayfaerer1 Posted October 28, 2008 Author Posted October 28, 2008 It's true though, you're right. It's hard to just completely ignore her when I'm still in love with her. I'd really love to tell her to F*** off, but I can't.
WiseOne1 Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 I've been there before, when a ex says im not going to date anyone else is just a lie. When you think about it they really dont owe you anything, so why would they own up to that promise? I've actually been thru it twice, its always a lie, just think about it! Sure right now she doesnt have a bf, but sooner or later you'll start hearing rumors or she'll start paying less and less attention to you and shes gonna slip out and say "I have a BF" like its all cool, and its not. So your gonna hang around for months saying its ok to be friends because she doesnt have a bf yet, when in reality she might have a bf and is lieing or might get one, thats time you could have used to get over her ya know! I know you love her and right now your not trying to think about anythig negative, but.....in a couple of months your gonna be like "why didnt I listen to people on LoveShack, because shes gonna get a bf and your gonna feel like "I was told". Alot of people on LS told me the same thing about my ex's, all of them said they will have a new bf soon, and in 2 months they did. Just be carefull.
Sysyphus28 Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 They already did or they will. period. You hang on you fall.
SRV Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Always have someone waiting in the wings before they break-up with men. It might be an acquintance or work-mate that she has been confiding in about the crappy relationship. She then starts to check out emotionally slowly by slowly, before you realize it she pulls the rag from underneath your feet and you are left wondering wtf just happened!@#$%^
MichiganMan222 Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Damn, that's EXXXXXXXXXXXXXACTLY what happened to me.
WiseOne1 Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 They always get someone new, there even gonna say it was by mistake or that the person pressured them into dating them and thats a 100% a lie, because if so you could have pressured them into getting back with you by pleading or begging or such but ya cant. So therefore they wanted to get a new bf, and just doesnt have the guts to say it. But its hard to turn your back on someone you love, its just that you have to love yourself more than anyone else sometimes. One day you'll find that one person who thinks your the greener pasture or etc.
BentSpine Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 It's hard to just completely ignore her when I'm still in love with her. That's understandable. The whole evolutionary advantage of love is to make the couple attached to each other. The whole point of love is that we won't be able to court someone else at the drop of a hat. If you begin No Contact, time will be on your side and make you feel stronger. I as well felt in love and I had to reach 100 days of NC two times and start over a third time before the desire to break No Contact became weaker than my wish to avoid repeating the slow, boring, first 100 days again.
sultry33 Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Hi op your not a fool so dont go crazy about it;) just ask yourself when you reply what are you actually getting out of this? more days to over think things more hurt and yea it feeds her ego it does nothing for you decide how many times you want that kick:eek: now you have opened the door..so to speak SLAM IT IN HER FACE dont care that the i promise we are just friends line .. its just her trying to look good she left you let her be from one who liked a kickin for a while until his just friend became my replacement.. there is only one of me and soon he realise that;)
mmmm Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 I recently contacted my ex just to "see how he was." turned out to be sort of a disaster--he started to talk about how he still knew we were meant to be together blah blah blah. I realized the whole reason I wanted to talk to him was because I wanted to make sure he was still in love with me. it was really selfish. I wish we could be friends again, but I really dont think thats possible, as depressing as it sounds. you're never going to be on the same page again unless you're back together.
mmmm Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 I recently contacted my ex just to "see how he was." turned out to be sort of a disaster--he started to talk about how he still knew we were meant to be together blah blah blah. I realized the whole reason I wanted to talk to him was because I wanted to make sure he was still in love with me. it was really selfish. I wish we could be friends again, but I really dont think thats possible, as depressing as it sounds. you're never going to be on the same page again unless you're back together.
darnay Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 breaking NC is ALWAYS gut-wrenching... And you aren't a fool at all. It's natural, we've all done it. Rejection is the hardest thing in the world to come to terms with and coupling that with NC makes it absolutely horrific. It took me a couple of months to stop contacting my ex and to realise how much it was hurting me and completely screwing my life up. Since i have been complete no contact I have made progress. I look upon my ex as just another person who inhabits the earth now, I don't forgive him or hate him, he is a nobody to me. That's how i cope with it.
BubblyPopcorn Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 She IMed me today, I didn't want to respond but I did anyway... She said, "Idk if you want to hear from me or not, but I just wanted to say hi and hope your are doing well." I responded, kept responses short, let her do the talking and then I said I had to go. The thing that pisses me off is this one comment she made. I had taken her off my facebook friend's list after I saw a comment by this guy, some of you may recall that comment, had posted it a while back. Anyway, she said she knew exactly the comment I was talking about, and said she was sorry I had to see it. But then she goes, "Him and I are just friends, I PROMISE you...it's nothng at all." Why would she tell me that? You know what I mean? If we're not together what does it matter if she tells me who she is and isn't seeing or actually dating? I can sense that she still wants me around as a friend, because I used a little of my old humor, the kind she used to like, and she laughed. And the thing is, I was the one who told her I didn't want to talk to her, and that lasted about a month or so when she contacted me today. Anyway, I acted mature about it, despite the fact that I'd love to hate her right now and tell her off. But, I just dont get why she felt she had to tell me they are just friends, "I PROMISE YOU". Like me knowing that is going to matter anymore? What the hell is going through her head? Well its neither here nor there since you aren’t a couple anymore and not sure why she’s justifying it to you, it could be because she doesn’t want you jumping to any conclusions or it it’s her way of shielding you or maybe she feels guilty about it, who knows. Don’t know all the details of your relationship so those are only assumptions. Even though two people are broken up sometimes you still feel “obligated” to the other person. Thats just from my own personal experience from when my first LTR ended we both said similar things because we didn’t want the other hurt which is counterproductive because you hurt no matter what and when you’re trying to move on you can’t shield the other like that. The bottom line though is that you told her you didnt want to talk to her anymore and she's still contacting you. It puts you in a difficult position and I'd suggest when/if she contacts you again, make it very clear to her that she's not to make those sorts of comments to you and keep it brief and to the point. That or just block her completely whichever you think is best for you.
Author wayfaerer1 Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 I hope she doesn't contact me again, it just makes things more difficult. I woke up this morning after a terrible nightmare. One of those dreams you have where your ex is suddenly the most attractive person you've ever seen and they're in the arms of someone else. That's the second dream I've had like that in the last month or so. ----------------------------------------- Since I posted this thread, she actually tried contacting me again... The day of the election, she sent me a text message at 12:15am, I was laying in bed watching tv. She just asked what I had thought about the election outcome and said, "sorry if I woke you". Of course it didn't help matters that November 4th (that day) would have been our 4 year anniversary. Well, this time around, I didn't respond...I was actually more pissed off than I was hurt at first. I just thought back to her betraying me and how I pleaded with her to take me back, and got nothing from her, how she wouldn't even walk me out the door. And I thought to myself, "She's texting me and asking me casual questions late at night like friends...does she think nothing happened? How ignorant is she?" Anyway, I held strong and I didn't give in. I refuse to feed her ego and be friendly with her. I'd really love to tell her how much of a bitch she was to me for cheating on me, but I don't even think she's worth wasting my breath on. I'd rather continue to ignore her. The hard part is that recently, (been some 2 months now since the break up), she's just really been on my mind a lot lately...it's like a huge wave of memories of our life together hitting me, just a lot more than usual. It's causing me to have nightmares here and there, and even when I don't have a nightmare, she's the last thing on my mind before I fall asleep. Thanks for the comments guys.
EmperorR Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I hope she doesn't contact me again, it just makes things more difficult. I woke up this morning after a terrible nightmare. One of those dreams you have where your ex is suddenly the most attractive person you've ever seen and they're in the arms of someone else. That's the second dream I've had like that in the last month or so. ----------------------------------------- Since I posted this thread, she actually tried contacting me again... The day of the election, she sent me a text message at 12:15am, I was laying in bed watching tv. She just asked what I had thought about the election outcome and said, "sorry if I woke you". Of course it didn't help matters that November 4th (that day) would have been our 4 year anniversary. Well, this time around, I didn't respond...I was actually more pissed off than I was hurt at first. I just thought back to her betraying me and how I pleaded with her to take me back, and got nothing from her, how she wouldn't even walk me out the door. And I thought to myself, "She's texting me and asking me casual questions late at night like friends...does she think nothing happened? How ignorant is she?" Anyway, I held strong and I didn't give in. I refuse to feed her ego and be friendly with her. I'd really love to tell her how much of a bitch she was to me for cheating on me, but I don't even think she's worth wasting my breath on. I'd rather continue to ignore her. The hard part is that recently, (been some 2 months now since the break up), she's just really been on my mind a lot lately...it's like a huge wave of memories of our life together hitting me, just a lot more than usual. It's causing me to have nightmares here and there, and even when I don't have a nightmare, she's the last thing on my mind before I fall asleep. Thanks for the comments guys. my ex did the same on what would have been three years, it was a stupid txt message but it just felt like she was writing it was hey sorry i cheated on and dumped you and cheated you like dirt, but just reminding you in case you forgot it would have been three years today but oh you still can't have me.
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