Lissie Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 I was with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years. Although I was going through a bad patch at the beginning, we had a really good relationship. However, by the end it just didn't feel right- he used to get fed up with me and not contact and it turned me into something I didn't want to be- a nag. I broke up with him and he was so complacent. But then after 3 months, he said he wanted to get back together. I told him I didn't feel ready but he came to visit me while I was in London, saying he wanted to see me. We kissed and I said that I loved him but that I didn't feel ready for a relationship. He visited again and we kissed again but I kept saying I needed more time and he seemed to accept this. After a further 3 months of friends, he said that he couldn't continue in this way and so broke off all communication. But now I'm wondering if I've just missed out on something amazing. I've always had a problem with decisiveness, but this is ridiculous! He was my first boyfriend and I don't think I'll ever meet someone who new me like that again. I have no interest in anyone else, and know that I love him, I'm just not sure that getting back together is a good idea. Help!!
Konfuzion Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 I would ask myself "what is different this time" that makes you think a second chance is a good idea? I asked my ex recently for a second chance after I had changed for myself in many ways, but it turned out those ways were changes she had wanted me to make for a long time. Also I recognized that I took her for granted. So for me I think that's whats different for us this time. I am a firm believer in that if the love is there a couple can work through anything together (maybe with a little assistance), so why not give love a shot but seek out counseling to help avoid the same mistakes again.
carhill Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Get another boyfriend. Lots of them out there. This was your first. Great learning experience. Don't beat yourself up. When it's right, you will be decisive. Good luck!
Jamez123 Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Did you actually fall out of love with him in the end? did you actually dump him? And if the answer to the first question is yes, then after the official breakup did feelings for him actually come back over time, or did they begin to fade? I think if you truly loved each other and you've noticed a big change in him, for the better, then you should go and see him as soon as possible and tell him you really want to be with him again. Evidentally, he wanted you back, which is the reason he'd had enough and broke off all contact - because he loves you so much and it hurts him that you say you're not ready for a relationship, so he can't bear it anymore and feels he has to move on. Although i've only got a really ambigious idea of how it is between you two, i think you should be quick about your decision. Personally i say go for it, and if it doesn't work out then it just wasn't meant to be. Same kinda thing happened with me and my girlfriend . . . i became like he did, although i wasn't so complacent when my girlfriend dumped me and i'm trying my hardest to get her back now, which is probably the most difficult challenge i've ever had to face =[ Good luck!
lofi_tokyo Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Did you actually fall out of love with him in the end? did you actually dump him? And if the answer to the first question is yes, then after the official breakup did feelings for him actually come back over time, or did they begin to fade? I think if you truly loved each other and you've noticed a big change in him, for the better, then you should go and see him as soon as possible and tell him you really want to be with him again. Evidentally, he wanted you back, which is the reason he'd had enough and broke off all contact - because he loves you so much and it hurts him that you say you're not ready for a relationship, so he can't bear it anymore and feels he has to move on. Although i've only got a really ambigious idea of how it is between you two, i think you should be quick about your decision. Personally i say go for it, and if it doesn't work out then it just wasn't meant to be. Same kinda thing happened with me and my girlfriend . . . i became like he did, although i wasn't so complacent when my girlfriend dumped me and i'm trying my hardest to get her back now, which is probably the most difficult challenge i've ever had to face =[ Good luck! I would ignore this post. I think Jamez is projecting a lot of his hopes for the future into it without really considering you, Lissie, and your situation. (Sorry Jamez, but even I catch myself doing this, and if we want to give good advice, we all need to learn to not bring our own personal issues to the advice we're giving). Personally, I think Carhill's advice is best. There are LOTS of other guys out there. AND! As an added bonus, if you find a new one, you get a nice happy honeymoon phase for a few months! Yay! If you are really REALLY inclined to try things with your ex. You can, but it sounds like you're pretty young (much like myself - 19), and well, we've got a lot of learning to do, and a lot of dating to do, before we can really should feel pressured to settle. When you go back to an old relationship, a lot of things may have changed, but some bad things stay the same, it may simply be a little quirk your ex has that you cant stand, but it will linger... do you want that forever, or do you want to start moving on sooner so you can meet a new guy sooner? Up to you in the end!
hhr2001 Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Your brain might be telling you something if you kept telling him you didn't want a relationship. This was your first love, and that's hard to forget, but there must be some reason that you were hesitant when he tried to get you back. Also, you cannot blame him at all for finally cutting off communication. I know from personal experience that it is extremely painful to be led on by someone you love. Imagine how bad it hurt him to have you kiss him and tell him you love him, but still not want to be together. You're giving him mixed signals, and he did the smart thing - got away from the situation. I agree with the others, date around, see what is out there, and learn to be happy alone. Usually it just takes one new person to forget that feeling that you'll never meet someone "who knew you like that" again.
Author Lissie Posted October 28, 2008 Author Posted October 28, 2008 Thanks guys! I don't blame him at all- to be honest, I'm surprised he doesn't hate me, I know I hate me for the way I've treated him! And I know it's best this way- at least with no communication I know that I can't confuse him, or myself, any longer. I just wish I could look into a crystal ball and know that it will all work out ok!
Recommended Posts