Rakasa Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 I posted a few times over the summer when the girl I was dating started getting more distant over the course of a couple months. I eventually learned she was communicating with her 2x ex boyfriend and now they are back together in a LDR. We went NC for 2 months July-Sep but the last few weeks she is initiating contact and wanting to see me and hang out. Yesterday she invited me to lunch and it turned into spending most of the day together talking and laughing (nothing physical). So here is the situation: 1) she is dating her ex-boyfriend still 2) they have broken up 2x before (last time was about 1 year ago) 3) he lives 1000 miles away from where she (and I) lives, and neither has any plans to move to the other (LDR is major reason why they broke up 2x before) at least before next summer after she graduates school and can look for a job in his hometown 4) we had a very close relationship before the summer troubles started and now lately hanging out I can feel the very same strong chemistry and attraction between us (it is mutual because I can see it so much in how she acts and talks around me, full of compliments and questions about me and my life, + a sparkle in her eye when she looks at me, seriously) 5) I don't discuss her "BF" at all because I have told her that I am OK with being friends (thought I meant it but now I am not sure because I feel like I'm on the edge of a very slippery slope) and it is really not my business anyway. At least, she doesn't talk about him to me so I am not THAT guy who gets to hear about the other guy. The communication the last few weeks started fragile but now has grown stronger and more frequent recently. I thought I was over my feelings for her but now they are coming back strongly. I need to be careful here. Here are my options as I see it in order of my preference: 1) continue to be a fun, supportive, and friendly person for here to be around, while waiting (hoping sounds bad) for the end of her relationship. I am not sure why the 3rd attempt at a LDR will work out when the first two failed (seriously what are the odds of that working....10-20%?), so I think that maybe in 1-3 months she may turn to me. She is 28 and ready for a serious relationship - I feel like she is choosing in her mind that one of us two guys is that guy. If it does not work out with him (the safe choice because she is scared abou getting hurt and he is less risky for her heart, she basically admitted over the summer), then I am in a good position. I don't want to be the backup plan, though, and would certainly continue to date other women while she figures this out. I like this option because I really want to keep in her my life - also she doesn't trust guys easily and I think she feels very comfortable with me and I want to continue building that. Also, I have the advantage of being able to see her any and every day while the other guy only gets to see her every 2 months of so. But this option hurts a lot as I get to think about her every day and basically torture myself. 2) basically ignore her and tell her "I care about you but I am not able to be friends while you date somebody else, let me know if your situation changes in the future" - this is the best way to protect myself but it hurts to not have her my life. But then again, I think in some amount of time, I do get that call. 3) tell her my feelings at some point in the near future - I don't want to do this at all because that is what I did over the summer and it drove her away. Plus I don't want to get rejected again. I think it is essential for her to come to me and say she wants more, if ever. I can only do harm by trying to convince her and put pressure on her. I am sure most of you would advise me to do option 2. I think I can do that but it goes against me telling her recently that I am OK with being friends, and I want to be true to my word and not be a source of drama changing my tune like that suddenly. Ultimately, it comes down to this: which option gives me the best chance of her to come back to me, because I really care about this girl and want to be with her for a long time. I guess the chances of her "seeing the light" are rather small but then again I think the chances of it working with this guy on the 3rd attempt are pretty small as well. As bad as it sounds, I can deal with a bit of pain waiting if it gives me a decent chance in the future. I just don't find this kind of connection with other girls easily or I would have moved on by now.
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