tuscansun Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 So I met this guy online (I know I know) On plenty of fish...he emailed me, was really sweet, but I didn't give him a whole lot of attention because I was talking to someone else at the time. Eventually I got around to emailing him back. He was cute from what I could tell by his pictures and his messages were sweet, still I took my time actually speaking to him on the phone (about a week), When I finally did speak to him on the phone I was completely blown away by how sexy his personality was. He was nothing like the soft-spoken (semi-desperate) guy I had pictured, he was confident, crazy talkative, witty, and only 'dating' online because he was new to the area and wanted to meet more people than his immediate group of friends...We made plans to meet that weekend, we were going to do something together but last minute he changed it up and asked if I wanted to hang with him and his friends instead. I declined because I was nervous enough to meet him, I figured his friends could wait. this wasn't a fight exactly but it did get a bit awkward. We didnt talk for a day but when we finally did he explained that a) he was really nervous as this would be his first time meeting a girl online, and b) he just really wanted me to meet his friends because he spends a lot of time with them. I said I understood, but nevertheless we made plans to meet the following Thursday night, just me and him, his place. Long story short, I went up, got there pretty late because he was running errands til late and he lives 45 minutes away (Im living at home with the folks for a while so we agreed his place would be best). We met, he was ten times hotter in person and ridiculously sweet. We stared at each other a lot trying to compare each other to what we had imagined. Long story short I ended up crashing there because it was late and he didn't want me to make the drive that time of night. We DIDNT have sex, we made out until we fell asleep (it was WAY cute :/) then in the middle of the night, because I just couldn't sleep with this HOTty laying next to me, I stumbled out to the couch and fell asleep there. Early in the morning he came out to turn the heater on, i was already dressed because I had to run to work, he caught me and squeezed me and we hugged for awhile, just crazy sweet I was confused but touched by it ( I had a really hard break up this year and have had some awful dates in the meantime). he asked me to come lay down with him for a little bit before I left and I did and he scratched my back while he asked why I had left him last night. Things got a little hot but I had to leave for work so I told him to call me later and left. i thought hed be all guyish about it and pull the two day rule but he Didn't he texted me a few hours after I left and asked if I had had a good time with him and we txted back and forth throughout my workday but didn't talk that night. Saturday we txted again throughout the morning but then we both kinda got busy. Then Saturday night I asked him to call me when he got a chance but he didnt. Then Sunday night I actually called him and left a message but he didn't call then either. I know im probably being ridiculously impatient considering its only Monday... but Im really excited about how I feel about him, its been awhile since ive had a good healthy crush and we both kinda acknowledged how the chemistry between us is just insane. however, im a little bewildered as far as what do I do? i called and left a message last night so why didnt he call back? I know he's not a boyfriend so he doesn't have to but it was just wierd the way things were like so everyday from the moment he emailed me til a day or two after we met up and now there's just a pause......He mentioned before we met that his friends always tease him because he jumps into things too quickly and he's trying to stop doing that, and his friends are like his world (he's from NY and is here in CA away from family so his friends are his family). i WANT to think that he's just trying to prove to his friends that we're not going a mile a minute, but because of some crappy experiences this year my parenoid spot is going, maybe I read the whole thing wrong, maybe he was lying...maybe he doesn't want to talk to me anymore...maybe maybe maybe....If Im being stupid plz tell me. I was with a man for 3 and a half years prior to this year so Im still learning all this dating stuff...Its hard. If it helps at all, Im 23 and hes 26
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 I love a lot of things about this story: A- that you are still alive to tell it B- that you can tell it in hindsight having NOT giving in to sex with him C- that you are extremely attracted to him D- that you can admit to so much excitement over him I believe that in such a situation an attractive woman phones him, leaves a message expressing her interest completely, and then leaves the issue alone for a while allowing him to have the "approve" or "deny" power. It is a bold move that leaves your ego vulnerable, but if you can do so you'll feel so strong and proud of yourself. The attractive and confident woman doesn't neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed every encounter to be a hit, because she 'knows' that around every corner are a number of other equally appealing suitors! Then you go out and take an active role in arranging next week's dance card without him in the picture at all. If he's interested, he'll call (most surely at a completely awkward, unpredictable moment).
D-Lish Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 i thought hed be all guyish about it and pull the two day rule but he Didn't he texted me a few hours after I left and asked if I had had a good time with him and we txted back and forth throughout my workday but didn't talk that night. Saturday we txted again throughout the morning but then we both kinda got busy. Then Saturday night I asked him to call me when he got a chance but he didnt. Then Sunday night I actually called him and left a message but he didn't call then either. I know im probably being ridiculously impatient considering its only Monday... but Im really excited about how I feel about him, its been awhile since ive had a good healthy crush and we both kinda acknowledged how the chemistry between us is just insane. however, im a little bewildered as far as what do I do? i called and left a message last night so why didnt he call back? What's in bold? That's where you lost your power in all this. You asked him to call- then when he didn't, you called him, not a good move. Am I reading correctly that you called and left another message last night? If so, really bad move. It only shows him how interested you are... and perhaps lessens the thrill of the chase for him. I know it's hard to do when you're attracted to someone... but there is something to be said about being patient. Don't call him again, no matter what!
CandyGirlXO Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 What's in bold? That's where you lost your power in all this. You asked him to call- then when he didn't, you called him, not a good move. Am I reading correctly that you called and left another message last night? If so, really bad move. It only shows him how interested you are... and perhaps lessens the thrill of the chase for him. I know it's hard to do when you're attracted to someone... but there is something to be said about being patient. Don't call him again, no matter what! I agree with D-lish. She always gives great advice. If you asked him to call you, and he didn't I would have never called him. The ball was in his court, now you are looking too desperate and he knows he has control. Good luck, hopefully he calls you, but I would wait and call him back in a couple of days.
norajane Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Stop calling him! He met you online, so you KNOW he's meeting other women online and is dating them too. Handsome, outgoing, and you said sweet at least 3 or 4 times...he's dating other people. You should, too. Stop calling him and texting. If you hear back from him, you can decide if you want to give him another chance or not KNOWING that he is dating other people. It's rude for someone not to call you back after you've left 2 messages. He's not sweet. He's rude.
Star Gazer Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Oh man - I can empathize! I agree with the others - stop calling. Don't give him the control.
LoveDeluxe78 Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 I completely agree with the last 4 gals! I know it's hard, but you've already called him twice and NOTHING? If he is indeed playing games or not interested, then you're giving him WAY too much control, and the ball's in his court now so let him come to you! When he does, I'm not advocating playing games, but keep yourself busy so you don't jump at the first sign of a call! Take a little while to get back to him - stay busy! lol And if he's truly busy, which can happen, we can give the guy the benefit of the doubt, then you calling him twice like that would scare him just a bit!! He might interpret that as you're going to be clingy girl, so...either way, play it cool, let him come to you! And when he calls, take awhile to get back to him, and when you do talk to him, gauge how interested he is. Is he lukewarm or did something really come up and he sounds sincere about it? Just WAIT, girl, PATIENCE and STOP calling! :-)
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