My wife cheated

[displaced texan]

I have been on here off and on for several years, under a different name last time, but I asked for advice and help when I was having problems with my marriage. We have been married for 11 years, dated for a year before that, I am 33 she is 34 and we have a 5 year old daughter. Our marriage has never been great but I always thought we loved each other enough to work through the hard times and get to the good times.

 

Well, I went away for business training for 7 weeks. My wife and daughter came with me and stayed near by with my family for the first three weeks and then they came back home. I thought things were the best they could possibly be. My wife just got accepted to medical school, I was going to training for my dream job, our daughter was starting school. I thought things were going great.

 

Well, two days before I got home, my wife and another couple were drinking and one thing led to another and my wife slept with the other husband. She said it was supposed to be a "threesome" but the other wife never came over. She said they only had sex for a little bit and she changed her mind, he asked her if they should stop and she said yes. He got up and left and seemed very upset that he had to go back and tell his wife. The next day my wife called his wife and she came over and had coffee and they talked about what happened. She told my wife she felt like she lost a friend.

 

First, let me say that my wife and I are not typical white trash or anything. This is completely out of the ordinary for us and especially for her. We both had sex with our share of people before marriage but my wife was always in a committed relationship when she did.

 

Now, for the really hurtful part, I just found out about it last Thursday, it happened in June. I have hung out with these people. I have spent time with them with my wife....etc.....etc....they live across the friggin street from us.

 

The other wife called me about three weeks ago and told me that her husband had slept with my wife and that they were now getting a divorce. I confronted my wife about it and she said they were crazy. I believed her because I had no reason not to. 11 years together and neither of us had ever strayed. Then, the horrible details started to come out. They did it in our bed, at our house, with my daughter asleep in the next room.

 

I have gone through all the emotions. I have been angry, sad, depressed, hateful, and most of all, brokenhearted. I am so deeply brokenhearted. This was the one person I have the most trust and faith in. I thought we were so different than other couples. We have talked about it over and over again after seeing people go through this around us. We both come from broken homes where infidelity caused our parents divorce. We saw it break up so many marriages around us.

 

Part 1

[displaced texan]

Part II

 

The other guy is nothing like my wife's type. He is shorter than me, not a strikingly handsome guy just an average guy. He also isnt very smart. My wife and I had joked about that lots of times. She told me that she just wanted to try something new, something different. She said she had fantasized about having a threesome for a long time but was always worried what I would think about that. We both grew up in religious homes and consider ourselves Christians so to even have those types of thoughts also brought up a lot of guilt for her. She said she had planned for us to get together with the wife when I got home but since it didnt work out with her and them, she didnt got through with it.

 

She also told me that she wanted to feel sexy. I tell her she is sexy and beautiful all the time but she said she needed to feel it from someone else. That was so hurtful but at the same time, I couldn't disagree with her. Sometimes I think she felt I was just telling her what she wanted to hear because we were married. She always complains that no guys even hit on her anymore when we go out. She said she never really cared but it was nice to hear.

 

So, now that the cat is out of the bag, I am trying to get through it. The night she told me we had sex. I dont know why but I wanted to feel something that wasnt heartbreak.

 

She has cried and begged me to forgive her. We have talked and talked and I know every detail of what happened, or at least I think I do. It haunts me. I cant sleep. I cant eat. I cant focus on anything. I cant watch TV without the images haunting me.

 

Our marriages has been rocky for a while. I think i really tried to pretend it wasnt but I guess it was. Lots of verbal abuse between the two of us, a complete lack of respect and I think there was a lot of hate starting to fester but at the end of the day, I thought we still loved each other, enought to atleast keep from straying.

 

We have talked so much and opened up so much to each other. I even told her that I was a little turned on by the idea but disgusted that she didnt at least ask me first or clue me in to it. Keeping it from me for four months was just iexcusable.

 

I still love her and she says that now she loves me even more and we both feel like we have fallen in love with each other again and we have committed to working through everything and making our marriage better but I still get so sad. I still feel so heartbroken. I still feel so betrayed. I feel guilty that maybe I pushed her into doing this, even though I know I have no blame in the matter, she chose to do it.

 

I want to move on. I want to make our marriage work but the images in my head haunt me. I cant sleep and when I do, I dont want to wake up because I have to face this all over again.

 

I know it has only been 4 days and these things take time to heal but am I going to heal? Is this feeling going to go away? I want to get through a day without feeling like I am going to burst into tears. I am a man for heaven's sake. I couldnt keep my wife from cheating on me and now I am not even man enough to throw her out. We always said that cheating was the one thing we could never forgive and now I am the one who has to do it.

[displaced texan]

Part III

 

So, here I am. Faced with this every single day. I want to talk about it but at the same time I want to forget about it and move on. My wife has been living with this guilt for 4 months and that combined with starting med school has taken its toll.

 

Is it stupid for me to feel bad for her because she is suffering. She said she regrets it and hates herself for doing it. I want to believe that but at the same time I keep thinking is she just sorry that it finally came out. For four months I never knew a thing was wrong. Of course she was stressed out beyond belief but I thought it was because she just started medical school. Neither of us have eaten without being sick in 4 days.

 

I just feel like I have no one to talk to about this. I cant tell any of our other friends because the last thing on earth I want is for anyone else to know. I couldnt leave the friggin house if I thought someone else knew. At the same time, I wish I could talk it out with someone, someone who knows us.

 

I just never thought this would happen to us. NOT US!!! I have always had such a strong sense of pride that we were "that" couple that were going to make it. That we would love each other forever. I guess we still have the opportunity to do that but this is such a huge hurdle to get over.

 

To anyone who read all three parts of this. Thank you for listening.

[2sure]

I don't know if it makes a difference to you or not...but:

 

It sounds like your wife was trying to fulfill a sexual curiosity rathar than an emotional gap. And it sounds like she didnt really feel she was cheating if the other wife had played a part. And when the other wife didnt show up, she no longer felt comfortable crossing the line.

 

She should have tried to explore this with you, so you have been betrayed. The line was crossed.

 

Is it possible the other couple had other serious problems and that your wife, in a vulnerable moment, was caught up in their downward spiral? Do you really believe that what happened with your wife, once discussed over coffee, has now led to their divorce?

 

The fact that all of this happened a while ago and you are the last to know hurts and is also a blow to your pride.

 

I'm not sticking up for your wife here, just trying to offer a few perspectives

[quankanne]

She said it was supposed to be a "threesome" but the other wife never came over

 

and a threesome was better than her just screwing the other woman's husband?!!

 

time to get yourselves to marriage counseling to ID and establish boundaries – it's one thing to have a fantasy, and another thing to sneak behind your spouse's back to fulfill them just because you "wanted to feel sexy" courtesy of someone other than your spouse.

[loridori]

In your own bed? Gross! It shows she has some pent up anger towards you, not to mention NO respect! Your wife IS trashy.

Gee what happens in a year when she "wants to feel sexy" again?

Tell her to grow up.

[2sure]

My apologies for jumping the gun and replying prior to Parts II amd III being posted. But I think I was on the right track.

 

You ask if you are being stupid for feeling bad that your wife is suffering with guilt. You also state that this same guilt has been eating at her for months. It sounds like you and your wife are communicating well (now).

It sounds almost like something bad has happened and that this huge red flag has acted like a warning that your marriage needs attention.

 

You were left out, you have been betrayed. A good thing is that you do not feel threatened - not by this other guy (not important enough to get the title OM).

Still, something has been lost here. The result will be change. Things have changed - an innocense lost. My H and I lost that with his A. But good things have also come from it. Communication, transparency, the knowledge that any problems either of us may have...must be solved together.

 

But the loss remains. It has been a year for me.

[Bryanp]

I am so sorry for you but think about what you have written:

1. Your wife tries to justify cheating on you because she thought it was to be a threesome? So it is acceptable to her to screw another man as long as she gets to have sex with another woman also? If you believed he stopped after a couple of minutes without an orgasm then I have a bridge to sell you.

2. She does it in your own marital bed. You have to have great anger and total disrespect to show such humiliation to your spouse.

3. She does not tell you for months but only told you when she was finally confronted. In fact, she lied to your face the first time she was confronted.

4. She lets you play the fool by not telling you and allowing you to continue to socialize with these people while they knew that the husband had screwed your wife behind your back in your bed while you were away on business. By the way, where was your daughter when all this was happening in your house?

5. Your wife apparently has no problem lying to your face. She had no intention of ever telling you about her betrayal.

 

I think you should think long and hard about your future.

[Dexter Morgan]

I have been on here off and on for several years, under a different name last time, but I asked for advice and help when I was having problems with my marriage. We have been married for 11 years, dated for a year before that, I am 33 she is 34 and we have a 5 year old daughter. Our marriage has never been great but I always thought we loved each other enough to work through the hard times and get to the good times.

 

Well, I went away for business training for 7 weeks. My wife and daughter came with me and stayed near by with my family for the first three weeks and then they came back home. I thought things were the best they could possibly be. My wife just got accepted to medical school, I was going to training for my dream job, our daughter was starting school. I thought things were going great.

 

Well, two days before I got home, my wife and another couple were drinking and one thing led to another and my wife slept with the other husband. She said it was supposed to be a "threesome" but the other wife never came over.

 

You mean this was planned?? Are these friends of yours as well? if so, some friends.

 

 

 

She said they only had sex for a little bit and she changed her mind, he asked her if they should stop and she said yes.

 

That doesn't make anything better whatsoever.

 

 

He got up and left and seemed very upset that he had to go back and tell his wife. The next day my wife called his wife and she came over and had coffee and they talked about what happened. She told my wife she felt like she lost a friend.

 

First, let me say that my wife and I are not typical white trash or anything. This is completely out of the ordinary for us and especially for her.

 

Whaddya mean "for us"? Have you two engaged in swinging before or something?

 

 

Now, for the really hurtful part, I just found out about it last Thursday, it happened in June. I have hung out with these people. I have spent time with them with my wife....etc.....etc....they live across the friggin street from us.

 

The other wife called me about three weeks ago and told me that her husband had slept with my wife and that they were now getting a divorce.

 

Why? She was going to participate in a 3some with your wife and her husband right? So what is she worried about? Seems she didn't have too much problem with all 3 of them betraying you.

 

 

 

I confronted my wife about it and she said they were crazy. I believed her because I had no reason not to. 11 years together and neither of us had ever strayed. Then, the horrible details started to come out. They did it in our bed, at our house, with my daughter asleep in the next room.

 

Ok, that is just completely unacceptable. They could at least had the decency to do it at their own house. But in your bed?? Burn it.

And with your daughter at home?

 

I'd say divorce and use that little bit of info to get custody. You don't want your daughter raised in an unscrupulous environment.

[Dexter Morgan]

Part II

 

The other guy is nothing like my wife's type. He is shorter than me, not a strikingly handsome guy just an average guy. He also isnt very smart.

 

Then you can expect it to happen again. Just wait til a guy that is attractive to her comes on to her.

 

 

 

My wife and I had joked about that lots of times. She told me that she just wanted to try something new, something different.

 

 

Tell her, "how about divorce. That'll be something different".

 

 

She said she had fantasized about having a threesome for a long time but was always worried what I would think about that. We both grew up in religious homes and consider ourselves Christians so to even have those types of thoughts also brought up a lot of guilt for her.

 

she isn't a christian in any sense of the word.

 

 

She also told me that she wanted to feel sexy. I tell her she is sexy and beautiful all the time but she said she needed to feel it from someone else. That was so hurtful but at the same time, I couldn't disagree with her. Sometimes I think she felt I was just telling her what she wanted to hear because we were married. She always complains that no guys even hit on her anymore when we go out.

 

Oh geez, boo hoo. Is that what this world has come to? Once you get married the necessity is that one needs to be hit on in public?

 

Give me a break.

 

 

 

So, now that the cat is out of the bag, I am trying to get through it. The night she told me we had sex. I dont know why but I wanted to feel something that wasnt heartbreak.

 

She has cried and begged me to forgive her. We have talked and talked and I know every detail of what happened, or at least I think I do. It haunts me. I cant sleep. I cant eat. I cant focus on anything. I cant watch TV without the images haunting me.

 

Only one way to shed those images. Get rid of her and find yourself someone else. Those images will go away real quick.

 

 

I still love her and she says that now she loves me even more and we both feel like we have fallen in love with each other again and we have committed to working through everything and making our marriage better but I still get so sad. I still feel so heartbroken. I still feel so betrayed. I feel guilty that maybe I pushed her into doing this, even though I know I have no blame in the matter, she chose to do it.

 

You didn't push her into this. Her character is what pushed her into this. I mean come on, she is depressed because nobody hits on her? Is that what she wants is other men to hit on her? What a load of crap.

If she wants men to hit on her, then she doesn't need to be married.

 

 

 

I want to move on. I want to make our marriage work but the images in my head haunt me. I cant sleep and when I do, I dont want to wake up because I have to face this all over again.

 

If you stay with her, you will face it all over again. I guarantee.

 

How long will it be before the lack of men coming on to her pushes her to sleep with another guy? And if she can sleep with a guy that sounds like a little troll, then just wait til its a guy she REALLY wants to sleep with. You think she is going to keep herself from doing it?

 

All I can say is, if you decide to stay with her, I hope you don't have to go on any more long business trips.

 

 

I know it has only been 4 days and these things take time to heal but am I going to heal? Is this feeling going to go away? I want to get through a day without feeling like I am going to burst into tears. I am a man for heaven's sake. I couldnt keep my wife from cheating on me and now I am not even man enough to throw her out.

 

don't be so hard on yourself. You are in shock. Will this feeling go away? Some here will say that it will and that time heals all wounds.

 

I disagree. In my opinion the only way to forget about what she did COMPLETELY is to move on and start dating again.

 

 

We always said that cheating was the one thing we could never forgive and now I am the one who has to do it.

 

If you say that is one thing you could never get over and could never forgive, then you never will. Not fully anyway. You probably could come to a point where you can resume a fairly normal life, but once in a while you will think about what she did to you and during those times you will get angry.

 

Have you considered divorce?

[theobserver]

Texan .Please. I feel sorry for you. Honestly I don't know what to do to make you realize how foolish you're being.

You worked your ass off to do the best for your family, you respected your wife, gave her as much attention as you could (she could of asked for more) you are even happy for her achievements and not putting them down (med school) do you know how many women can not experience such luck as this?

 

She planned to have a so called threesome with a couple who are friends of yours (I'm guessing casual but nonetheless friends) you are not informed and omg I can't even go on anymore. Are you slow? Ok that's rude and I apologise readers and mods but this guy has been played a sucker.

 

If it wasn't for the wife of this "friends" husband you wouldn't of known what happened. Apparently to your wife a few minutes of penetration isn't a big deal if neither orgasmed right... I'm willing to bet there was no planned orgasm and if there was it was probably said in jest atleast to the wife who was probably shocked your wife and her husband actually did the deed.

 

Enough about them though lets talk about you. You can forgive this, it's fine to forgive someone. However do not be under the illusion you have to stay with her. My personal opinion would be to cut her loose decide if you are happy to have her keep your daughter and the support you'd give unless you are willing to fight. Because let me tell you what she did wasn't a mistake it was heavily planned it just (if she's telling the truth) didn't work out how she wished (sex wise) now here's something to think about... what's to stop her doing this again?

 

Look women like men love an attractive person but look at the human race buddy it doesn't stop "beautiful" people shacking up with standard or "ugly" people infact you should be worried if she was willing to do it with this guy what's to stop her doing it with the next Joe. A lot of men out there aren't to picky where they stick it. Do you want to keep housing a prostitute in your home?

 

Best of luck in your decision. Whatever you do please don't stay for the kid(s) you'd be wasting your life and setting a bad example and it wont simply "get better"

[Reggie]

I know the previous two posters sound harsh. But, I fully agree with what they are saying. It's somewhat scary that a person whose development is so arrested is training to be a doctor.

Something is seriously wrong with this woman, She's dishonest as heck and has a need for outside validation. She's exposed you to potentially fatal STD's(think, just maybe, a copule like the one your wife was involved with might have some serious sexual history?You've been exposed to all their hookups via your wife.)

I'd bail and fight for the kids(can't recall if you have any).

[Stunned_To_Disbelief]

Sorry for the pain your going thru, so even though I agree with the other posters I want to give you some thoughts to consider.

First, are you really sure this is the first & only time your wife has ever strayed? Given the fact that she could keep it quiet, and you had to find out from the wife of the man she slept with speaks volumes.

Second, you say she's in med-school, so what do you do in a few years when she's interning 20 hour days & suddenly feels old & undesireable? Especially when shes surrounded by young attractive men looking to make her feel sexy?

Third, What do you really know about the event truly?

Here's what you do know, She's a Liar,(fact) a cheat (fact) and a thief (fact), she's Lied (denial) Cheated (sex with another) and stolen (every positive memory you have currently) What she isn't, honest, trustworthy, and repentant. This makes a terrible wife & a worse mother.

So her's something to think about, your wife feeling unattractive decided on a whim to have sex with the neighbor & his wife. (Unbelievable) If it had worked out you were going to be invited to have sex then with the mans wife & your wife. ( Unlikely ) She stopped when the other woman didn't show up. (Untrue)

Here's the more likely scenario, your wife has had sex with others before, In this case you found out, because someone is P/O ed at your wife, because A. she doesn't have time for them anymore or B. She & OM stepped over some boundary that he & his wife established. B. seems the most likely due to the fact that they are now divorcing. I suspect your wife came back from the trip to have sex with this couple because she had been doing that for awhile. I doubt she stopped when the other woman didn't show, it's plausbile that she & OM finished (read Orgasmed) and were finished before OW could jump in. Certainly a woman scorned. You said that this man wasn't your wife's type. So what is your wife's type? Other Women? YOU DO NOT KNOW YOUR WIFE LIKE YOU THINK YOU DO! It is obvious that she is selling you a bill of goods to try & salvage her lifestyle while moving on with her own plans. Med school isn't a cheap proposition, what do you do when she's Educated, completely used you for all your worth & leaves? Call an attorney, do it today, protect yourself, she isn't going to protect you. Also a call to the OW to find out more about what really happened & for how long its been going on, might be an order. I think for your own piece of mind you should know if this was planned before she came home your trip.

[Curmudgeon]

My wife cheated!

 

Is there something more you need to know? I wouldn't!

[Reggie]

Okay,then, the old "it was merely going to be a threesome" excuse. Well, any budding med student knows that if it was supposed to be a threesome, her spouse would have no problem with it.

Did she really say this? You sure she has the candlepower for med school? Please tell me she wants to be a coroner.

[LucreziaBorgia]

She also told me that she wanted to feel sexy. I tell her she is sexy and beautiful all the time but she said she needed to feel it from someone else. That was so hurtful but at the same time, I couldn't disagree with her. Sometimes I think she felt I was just telling her what she wanted to hear because we were married. She always complains that no guys even hit on her anymore when we go out. She said she never really cared but it was nice to hear.

 

I think this may be the crux of the problem. A lot of people who cheat do it for validation - just like your wife did. I don't know how truthful the other stuff she said was, but none of that other stuff really matters. It is this that is the grit in the oyster so to speak. She is trying to fill a missing piece inside herself with something outside herself, and it never works. All it does is creates problems.

 

Until she can fill that missing piece herself and get to the point where she can feel good about herself without having another man to tell her so - then she will continue to cheat, or at the very least want to.

[2sure]

OP sounded like he was looking for advice on how to deal with the pain caused by his wife. It had only been 4 days. Almost all of the advice pertained only to "Get a Divorce" . I mean, is that really the First Step, the First thing to do?

[In Like Flynn]

Bryan said it ealier. You said "My wife has been living with this guilt for 4 months" but yet allowed you to be humiliated by having the other couple around you!!! All three were in on the joke except you and they knew it!!! How does she explain that? To do this this with your kid in the house??? You have stated she had allot of lovers but was in committed relationships with them?? How does she define committed?? How long is committed a couple or days/weeks then we are done and on to the next committed relationship!! No wonder this happened. Good Luck.

[Dexter Morgan]

I know the previous two posters sound harsh.

 

harsh maybe, but not to him. He truly has my sympathy. Been where he is and done that.

[Reggie]

Yep, BTDT, as well. The best advice I ever got was from folks that pulled no punches about what I was dealing with. Ripped the denial out of me and got me back on track.

[2sunny]

I am so sorry for you but think about what you have written:

1. Your wife tries to justify cheating on you because she thought it was to be a threesome? So it is acceptable to her to screw another man as long as she gets to have sex with another woman also? If you believed he stopped after a couple of minutes without an orgasm then I have a bridge to sell you.

2. She does it in your own marital bed. You have to have great anger and total disrespect to show such humiliation to your spouse.

3. She does not tell you for months but only told you when she was finally confronted. In fact, she lied to your face the first time she was confronted.

4. She lets you play the fool by not telling you and allowing you to continue to socialize with these people while they knew that the husband had screwed your wife behind your back in your bed while you were away on business. By the way, where was your daughter when all this was happening in your house?

5. Your wife apparently has no problem lying to your face. She had no intention of ever telling you about her betrayal.

 

I think you should think long and hard about your future.

 

i agree with this post. i also believe without even wondering that your wife has cheated before. yep, the fact that she didn't admit when confronted indicates that she had no intention of telling you the truth...probably has lied many times to you... seemed too easy for her to think that she didn't need you to know. and now she's only sorry she got caught. sheez, can you say narcissistic? immediate gratification at the expense of others without feeling bad until caught? um, ya...

 

also, the wife was never likely involved in the so called 3some. if she was aware, why would they have arguments if she had been aware when it came down.

 

your wife is not the woman you think she is. she's just a portrayal of what she wants you to believe she is. big difference.

[JustBreathe]

How do you cope? My husband cheated on me for years without my knowing and it crushed me, so here are some gold nuggests of wisdom - hah.

 

First, realize that you are reeling from shock, anger and pain. It takes at least a year to get over this first stage and to even begin to see clearly what it is you want to do. You can compare it to the steps a person goes through when grieving over the death of a loved one. Don't get mad at yourself if you feel helpless or like you don't know what to do. Take your time. There's no deadline for getting a divorce.

 

Your wife is seriously way way messed up when it comes to fidelity and committed relationships. If you even want to entertain the idea of staying with her, insist she get some therapy.

 

Go see your doctor and get some stress meds and something to help you sleep.

 

Get STD tests for yourself and insist your wife have them as well -SERIOUSLY. I have read posts from people who rec'd the gift that keeps on giving from their cheating partners. You do not know where OM has been, or your wife.

 

Try to eat healthy and take care of your health. You have your child to think of. SOMEONE has to be the responsible parent. Spend as much time as you can with your child and take comfort.

 

Get some individual counseling for yourself to help you get through.

 

If you like exercise, work out like a fiend to reduce anxiety and fight off the depression.

 

That's all I can think of right now. Take care.

[JustBreathe]

I went back and read all 3 parts.

 

Nobody thinks it's going to happen in their marriage. Nobody plans to be "that couple." Everybody fights and argues and says things they don't mean when they're married. There is no perfect marriage - all marriages whether Christian or not or whatever they believe in have problems.

 

If she didn't feel sexy and attractive, it was incumbent upon her to come to you and tell you so instead of hopping in bed with the neighbor. The stuff about a threesome is garbage and you know this. Men don't flirt with her anymore - that's the poorest excuse for cheating I've heard yet.

 

Has your wife quit lying to you? Has she admitted the threesome stuff was a lie? If she's still lying then you'll get nowhere.

 

Don't feel so sorry for her. She brought it on herself. She made the mess, you didn't. You don't owe her a darn thing anymore.

[cyabye]

I would move on my friend. It would be hard at first but in the long run, you will be better off than to have this in your life. Take care of yourself and your child.

 

Cyabye

[displaced texan]

Thank you all for all of the words of encouragement, the slaps in the face of reality and the wisdom. I know a lot of you think I am in denial, stupid and misled. I agree with all of those. I have never once been in this position.

 

There is a lot more to this story. It sounds so stupid for me to be here defending her, our marriage or our life because of these events. Trust me, however harsh you are judging her, I have been way worse in my brain. I have been way worse to her face.

 

There is so much more involved in this story than just these events. There is no excuse for what she did. I am not trying to defend her or make excuses. I have not been a great husband either. I have demoralized her, disrespected her and been verbally abusive to her. We have gone a while without any real "love" in our relationship. I can honestly say there was even a point where when she sneezed it annoyed me. I am pretty sure she felt the same way.

 

Why were we staying together? Probably more for convienence sake than anything. Yes, she is in med school but I am not paying for it. She is paying for it herself through loans and money she has saved for school from her last job. We do have one daughter who is 5 years old.

 

I am actually in a branch of the military. I was not deployed when this happened but I was away for training for the military.

 

As far as the threesome goes, she has stuck to that story and even confronted the other wife about it, in front of me. I have talked at great length with the other wife. The other guy is a liar and a con man. Doesnt make one bit of difference to me about him, the threesome, the other wife, anything. If there were 5 other bikini models in the room it would make no difference to me anymore. The image of him taking off her clothes and lying there on OUR bed naked is haunting, sickening and disturbing. I get sick and almost throw up anytime I even see other people on TV doing anything together.

 

One thing that I do need to say is that she hasn't tried to talk me into not getting a divorce. She said she doesnt want one but if I do, she is willing to do whatever I want. She even asked if she should move out. I told her no.

 

At what point did any of you decide that you had to get a divorce? That is all I keep hearing from everyone but a lot of people stay and a lot of people say their marriage is better after the "A" than it ever was before.

 

I am still extremely heartbroken. I am torn up inside. I know I may never look at her the same way again. I know I may be setting myself up for this to happen again but is it worth tearing the rest of my life apart to pin all this up and just flush the rest of my life away?

 

I am 33 years old with a 5 year old daughter. Do I want to start over again? Are the memories of the last 12 years of my life gone now because of one night? Other people do this. Other people have done this. Millions of people get a divorce. Millions of people stay together. I have read so many stories now of people in my situation who forgave and moved on, and a lot of times, it was much worse. She swears to me that this was an isolated incident. I know everyone thinks I should not believe her but what if I do?