didittomyself Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 it's been exactly 15 day since the break..not sure how many of no contact I need to hear her, I wanna call her, text her, email her to beg just to hear or see her. Help!
JooLee Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 been there, done that, did no good. your ex knows how to reach you. if she wants you, let her do it. why'd u guys break?
Rafa Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Mate don't do what I did. I broke no contact one week ago. Since then there has only been one day that I didn't break down crying.
i11 Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 If it could relieve yourself to some extent and you are still not clear about the situation, why not do it? I think the result of doing it could be hurting you more, and meanwhile making you see the whole picture more clearly. You will learn something after being hurt each time.
Author didittomyself Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 been there, done that, did no good. your ex knows how to reach you. if she wants you, let her do it. why'd u guys break? Thanks for your encouraging words, we broke because I was rebound and apparently she felt healed enough that my I was no longer needed. We were friends for a decade before seeing each other about 6 months ago. I thought I could handle knowing that I was a rebound apparently I underestimated the power of my emotions and I feel overwhelmed.
Author didittomyself Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 I know you all said no to but I broke and sent hr an mail with Hi. sh*t sh*t sh*t sh*t I'm back at square 1 dammit!
The Player Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Wow a lot of people are having the same problems, I have written this post for somebody else, but I'm copying and pasting it here for you because..well you need it. Read it and apply all of it. Hey I know exactly how you feel man. But I want to help you out, here's an article one of my mentors has written for all people with breakup problems. Ouch! You broke up with a girl or she just broke up with you. Either way, it's over and you're hurting. Whether it's been a day or a month or even a year, every time you think of that girl or something reminds you of her, a large pit forms in your stomach and tears well in your eyes. The absolute worst feeling in the world. You'd rather be sick with the flu, kicked in the nuts, or punched in the face; in fact you'd rather feel anything but what you feel when you think about her. Leave the Past Where It Belongs Who knows why you two broke up and who cares. All that matters is that it is over. Yes, you felt good with her and yes, you had all those special cute things that were unique to that relationship and yes, I know you want those times back. We all have wanted it. Regardless, the relationship happened in the past and it must stay there. Time spent dwelling on what you lost is time that could be better spent improving the present and the future. Keep It in the Past I know it is easier said than done. Even still, you must make the jump. Delete your ex's phone number, remove her from facebook, from myspace, and from instant messaging. Throw away all mementos. Anything that might remind you of her or you might use as a crutch to remember her, it must go! You want it now and you think you need it, but all it will do is cause more harm and become an addiction. If you've been there before, you know I'm right and if you haven't, then listen to me or you'll soon learn the hard way. Nothing is worse than rereading old letters, constantly checking for an internet profile update, or the urge to call the ex when you become needy. Fight it and make the jump. You will do it sooner or later and sooner saves you the pain. Cut All Ties and Find New Ones After every relationship the guy hopes to turn a breakup into a FWB or to somehow rekindle the fire and start fresh. If those hopes were realistic, the two of you wouldn't have broken up in the first place, buddy. Don't try and stay friends with her. In fact, I would recommend never talking to her again. It simply brings back old memories, old feelings, and more pain. Don't even go for one more **** or one more kiss or one more anything. It is over and it is time to move on. Any time you would have spent maintaining a friendship could be better spent meeting new people or in the gym or bettering yourself. Even if you feel insecure, or needy, or like you will never find happiness again, just know that it will happen if you go out and look for it fresh. Once you take the long scary jump across the abyss, a beautiful oasis is awaiting you and you'll never look back. Perspective and Time Everyday gets easier when you totally remove your ex from your life. Stay positive and keep your eyes open to the beauty in life and the positive things you take for granted. At everyone's darkest moment, there is beauty to be found around them. At everyone's darkest moment, someone out there dreams of living your life. It hurts now, but looking back you will know you made the right decision to move on and find greater happiness than you would have ever known. Leave your comfort zone and you will be rewarded. Never forget that we all have been there and felt your hurt...many times. It is never painless, but it doesn't have to be a prolonged scarring process. By: Wispy from the TIC Let me know if it helps, goodluck bro!
Author didittomyself Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 Thanks a bunch, I already sent the email and no feel even worse but reading this post hs helped me to get back on track, I still have old email, that need to drown and her number is still on my phone of course keeping it there out of hope.. screw it needs to die. Thanks again player tings need to go away like yesterday on that note, yesterday needs to be left there as well. Wow a lot of people are having the same problems, I have written this post for somebody else, but I'm copying and pasting it here for you because..well you need it. Read it and apply all of it. Hey I know exactly how you feel man. But I want to help you out, here's an article one of my mentors has written for all people with breakup problems. Ouch! You broke up with a girl or she just broke up with you. Either way, it's over and you're hurting. Whether it's been a day or a month or even a year, every time you think of that girl or something reminds you of her, a large pit forms in your stomach and tears well in your eyes. The absolute worst feeling in the world. You'd rather be sick with the flu, kicked in the nuts, or punched in the face; in fact you'd rather feel anything but what you feel when you think about her. Leave the Past Where It Belongs Who knows why you two broke up and who cares. All that matters is that it is over. Yes, you felt good with her and yes, you had all those special cute things that were unique to that relationship and yes, I know you want those times back. We all have wanted it. Regardless, the relationship happened in the past and it must stay there. Time spent dwelling on what you lost is time that could be better spent improving the present and the future. Keep It in the Past I know it is easier said than done. Even still, you must make the jump. Delete your ex's phone number, remove her from facebook, from myspace, and from instant messaging. Throw away all mementos. Anything that might remind you of her or you might use as a crutch to remember her, it must go! You want it now and you think you need it, but all it will do is cause more harm and become an addiction. If you've been there before, you know I'm right and if you haven't, then listen to me or you'll soon learn the hard way. Nothing is worse than rereading old letters, constantly checking for an internet profile update, or the urge to call the ex when you become needy. Fight it and make the jump. You will do it sooner or later and sooner saves you the pain. Cut All Ties and Find New Ones After every relationship the guy hopes to turn a breakup into a FWB or to somehow rekindle the fire and start fresh. If those hopes were realistic, the two of you wouldn't have broken up in the first place, buddy. Don't try and stay friends with her. In fact, I would recommend never talking to her again. It simply brings back old memories, old feelings, and more pain. Don't even go for one more **** or one more kiss or one more anything. It is over and it is time to move on. Any time you would have spent maintaining a friendship could be better spent meeting new people or in the gym or bettering yourself. Even if you feel insecure, or needy, or like you will never find happiness again, just know that it will happen if you go out and look for it fresh. Once you take the long scary jump across the abyss, a beautiful oasis is awaiting you and you'll never look back. Perspective and Time Everyday gets easier when you totally remove your ex from your life. Stay positive and keep your eyes open to the beauty in life and the positive things you take for granted. At everyone's darkest moment, there is beauty to be found around them. At everyone's darkest moment, someone out there dreams of living your life. It hurts now, but looking back you will know you made the right decision to move on and find greater happiness than you would have ever known. Leave your comfort zone and you will be rewarded. Never forget that we all have been there and felt your hurt...many times. It is never painless, but it doesn't have to be a prolonged scarring process. By: Wispy from the TIC Let me know if it helps, goodluck bro!
silent angel Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 I'm sorry you are struggling not seeing your ex. But give it time. I'm in exactly the same position only it's been two months since our break up. Then one night it came to me. Does he really want some woman texting him at night, crying or making a nusiance of herself when he needs the space? Would he find that attractive? And the answer is no it would only drive him further away. So dont feel bad about your message, just accept you cant change it. With any luck it will be taken at face value as hi and no damage done. Just dont be upset if nothing comes back. She may need time too. You dont know how this has all affected her.
MichiganMan222 Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Have ZERO expectations of getting a reply. Here's what usually happens....you send your email, and then you spend the rest of the day and night obsessed with checking your email for a reply that NEVER COMES and you feel 10 times worse. The pain progresses each hour you don't get a reply. Its one of those things where what feels like would bring relief will in actuality give the opposite effect. Kind like when you have a migraine. You feel like hitting yourself in the head with a hammer would actually make it feel better. But you are smart enough to know that feeling is absurd. Well your heart pain is a migraine and breaking contact is hitting yourself in the head with a hammer. Remember that!
Author didittomyself Posted October 28, 2008 Author Posted October 28, 2008 Oddly enough, after I broke NC, I got a response and we had a lot of short guarded dialogue. I kick myself to remind myself to remember that this means nothing being guarded myself. What does that mean when you get a response after breaking NC? I don't feel as crappy as I thought I would waiting for a response that wouldn't come because I got it...not sure what to make of all of this, My iniital response is that she still has a little something left for me but don't want to get my hopes up too high. Any thoughts?
BikerBeagle Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 What does that mean when you get a response after breaking NC?It doesn't mean anything unless one of the sentences was something like, "I made a mistake and want to work it out with you/get back together/have a second chance, can we talk about it?". Anything else is, frankly, patronization ...she's responding out of simple courtesy, that's it. Sorry, man, tough love and all that, you gotta face the music. She probably does have 'a little something left' for you ...it's called GUILT, and she'll do and say almost anything to relieve herself of it.
Sysyphus28 Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 This is the hardest thing to do ever. NC is just plain difficult. I'm glad I am not alone though. Alot of people on LS are trying to build up thier dignity and self-worth and refusing to let the "other" person who hurt them have ANY POWER. Silence is a bold statement. It is a loud voice. Who knows and who cares if it affects the other person. It is a win-win situation. a. they call you back...yuo take some power back b. they don't and you get to heal and move on from thier cruel dumping.
Just_dealin_with_it Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Amen Biker Beagle Guilt is the likely culprit in these kinds of situations. Especially if the response comes from the person who initiated the break up. They feel bad that they have hurt you, but feel certain the break up was right. It's important not to seem needy and hurt when you contact them, but if you're friendly and act like everything is okay, it may relieve them of the guilt they may be carrying around. I recently had a breakup about 2 months ago and my ex wanted to remain friends. She was pretty good at keeping contact with me for the first 2 or 3 weeks after it was all over. Before I knew it I was contacting her, but only because I wanted to know if she still cared about me or was struggling the way I was with the breakup...nope! We were together for 2 years, and it only took her a month to start dating someone else. It's a tough pill to swallow. Now I have decided to maintain NC for as long as I need, maybe forever. I honestly don't know if she really cares, or has even noticed that it has been almost a month since we've spoken. All I know is, keeping contact is like ripping off the same scab over and over... it will never heal unless I leave it alone
Sysyphus28 Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Your words and strength(and similarity to my situation)(almost exactly) have helped me get through my day so far. Thank You Contact is just like re-opening a wound. I have heard it compared to getting re-dumped! Imagine that sh**. Going back to that first week or two after the breakup. I was blubbering like a child.......and wanted her back so bad. It was horrible.... I need help to not break NC. It is like a drug or something and it is really wierd.............i have never felt a need for support like I do now. I have never been addicted to any drug...... But i guess I am addicted to the comfort zone tha she provided!
Peter_pan Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 sorry to hear that just dealin with it same thing happened with me only we where with each other 3.5years, lived together for 2!± she wanted to keep in touch as she would cleverly put it, not stay friends but "keep in touch".... she really is an evil piece of work. im going to see a therapist soon i think. to try help with my mind. i guess i want to break nc because i still beleive she has feelings for me. thats why she didnt reply to my contact a while back. i dont think she can handle talking about it all. i asked her bm who is with my bm, why wouldnt she reply? she said, cause she dosnt want to talk to you about him. its probably too weird to talk about your bf to your ex. that made me mad at the time.
Just_dealin_with_it Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Believe me sysyphus, I wish I were stronger, but I am glad that I could be of some help to you, even if it's just for the present. I really hope you remain strong. Sometimes breaking no contact does feel like getting re-dumped, especially when you think about your motivation for doing it, and the fact that you will likely not get the response you are desperately hoping for. I know for me in a way it did, which is why I believe I am still struggling. You do not want to go back to that first week or two when you felt your worst. Breaking no contact leaves you open to that kind of heartache again (in my honest opinion). Just remember, there is plenty of support here and people who are feeling like you are. No one is alone. Just stay strong man! Hey peterpan, I'm glad to see that you are willing to seek outside help to deal with your emotions, many are too proud to do that. If that is what you need, then I say do it ASAP. The sooner we all get over this stuff, the better! About your ex talking to you about the new bf, even though you may be curious, do really think thats info you would want to know? Believe running into my ex with her new bf from time to time is more than I can take. I don't want to know anything more... sometimes ignorance really is bliss.
Peter_pan Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 well i wouldnt want to hear anything about them not at all. i just have the upper hand in which i can slag her off if need be, like how could you do that\? looks like the **** you said about it not being anything serious was well just more ****. etc just be angry at her i guess. i feel bit stupid for not contacting her again when i found out they broke up. now there back together and stronger than ever. the space we have had apart is what i wanted to some degree. im glad ive been given the chance to have been "free". and even when i think carefully would i really want to change my life for her again, i honestly say to myself. no. but i know i do want her and what we had back. but thats impossible, so what the HELL is wrong with me
Just_dealin_with_it Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Nothing is wrong with you man. Its sounds like you're making the logical connection in your mind. Unfortunately, the heart is not so logical and just takes longer to come around. Just keep remembering that you don't want to change your life for her (and why should anyone?) and that in time you will come to terms with everything. This is what I have to tell myself. Everyday is a roller coaster of ups and downs... Im okay then I'm sad or angry, then back to okay again. I feel like I spend more time down than up, but having been here before I know it gets better, it just takes a longer than I'd like it to :/
sad&lonely Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 Your words and strength(and similarity to my situation)(almost exactly) have helped me get through my day so far. Thank You Contact is just like re-opening a wound. I have heard it compared to getting re-dumped! Imagine that sh**. Going back to that first week or two after the breakup. I was blubbering like a child.......and wanted her back so bad. It was horrible.... I need help to not break NC. It is like a drug or something and it is really wierd.............i have never felt a need for support like I do now. I have never been addicted to any drug...... But i guess I am addicted to the comfort zone tha she provided! You hit the nail on that one... i feel exactly like you im tired of crying and feeling like this.. there is a price to pay for everything even love now we are paying that price.
Sysyphus28 Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 It was dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb! She plainly told that I "don't get it" and she is "not in love with me anymore" I realize that she has no obligation to me anymore..just because I think she is handling herself like a complete ICE Queen. Guess what everyone.................you can't control other peoples emtion and how they handle things..of course I think she handled it shi***....... I got dumped. Listen, do yourself a favor, avoid your ex. I broke and that doesn't make me a bad person. That will just delay my healing. I am going out tonight and having a blast!
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