IcemanJB Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 I created a thread awhile ago describing my breakup in much more detail, but I don't feel like finding it. Well it's been almost 3 weeks since we broke up, and I think I'm making progress, but this is just the hardest/strangest breakup I've ever gone through. I'll summarize: we've known each other for about 10 months now, and had been dating on and off for the first part, but were exclusive starting in the summer. We were both really into each other and very happy with each other; we saw each other 5-6 times a week when we became exclusive, even during the schoolweek. Then homework and tests started picking up and we both became very busy. We still talked every day, and she'd still come over 2 nights a week at least and we were able to connect like always. Then the night of the breakup she comes over just a mess, unable to speak. Finally she says that she feels awful about not being able to put as much into the relationship, since it was likely to continue that she'd either be in the library each night or out with her friends, which she won't give up. She started crying and saying she really really likes me and wants to be with me, but she said something to the effect that she's "too messed up". A few days later I asked her to come over to talk, which she did right away. I tried getting a better understanding of what she meant, and all I've been able to conclude is that she wants to keep going out (she's 3 years younger than me) and be young because she hasn't ever been able to do that. She didn't say that, but that's my conclusion. She again cried a lot (hours...) while saying she wants to be with me (I was even going to ask her if she wanted to be with me, but she said it before I asked...). We were even holding hands/holding each other/kissing a little, which was probably a mistake. I just don't get it. She said breaking up with me is the hardest thing she's done, and me letting her go is the hardest thing I've ever done. BUT WHY!? Since then she has texted me, but I've responded only with short answers. I thought I was getting over her and forgetting about her (this past weekend was good), but today I'm just a mess again. I miss her SO MUCH. I haven't initiated a text or email since the week she came over. My conclusion is that she is either scared or just needs an attitude change...but I'm not sure. Even after almost 3 weeks it still sucks really bad. I KNOW there isn't another guy involved. I almost wish there were, so I could move on easier... Should I seek more closure? Obviously she never said she doesn't want to see me again, but maybe her saying that would help...even if it isn't true.
BikerBeagle Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 "Closure" is a pipe-dream. You will always have more questions (until you get the answers you want to hear) and you can't assume she's telling you the truth to begin with. The dumper will do and say almost anything to "ease" their guilt (by thinking they are "easing" your pain). Don't confuse the two or project what you are feeling onto her. It's a choice she's made, plain and simple. No amount of "this is the hardest thing", "I still love you", "I still want to be with you" is going to change the fact that she's made that choice. Does it really even matter WHY? It doesn't. Go NC and heal. No more 'short answers' even. I don't even know if there is a suitable word in the English dictionary to describe how hard and difficult it is, but you have to do it.
Author IcemanJB Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 Yes, the NC thing is so ridiculously hard to do. I've done it in past breakups, and it wasn't even 1/10th as hard as this time around, even though this relationship wasn't my longest ever. Ok, I'm making a stand now: I'm going NC for good! Biker, thanks for the tough love, that really does help. I wish more people would do that...any other perspectives?
NickP Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 i dunno.. tis seems a bit iffy to me. i suppose if i were u, b4 going NC, i'd give her an ultimatum. explain how u feel and tell her being "messed up" isn't an excuse. tell her u need more than tat if she wants u to forget her. tell her u're going to go NC cos u can't do tis nemore. dun't force urself onto her, but show that u're trying to understand what she's going thru and if she wants u to stick round to help her thru tis, u will. but if she still resists/pulls away, then u got ur definite answer and then go NC.
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