gummybear Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 I've been in my new city for 3 months now, and met with 4 people where I thought had some pretty good potential from online, but for some reason or another they were just duds. 3 of them I just could not stand to really talk to or be around eventhough they were good via emails. The 4th was actually a rather pleasant man, but no physical attraction -- I actually felt very very bad for having to reject him. But anyway, after the 2 duds yesterday, it made me think of my ex. I missed the feeling I had with him, and it somewhat hurts. When I broke up with him, he had said to me in a very bitter tone something along the lines of 'good luck finding someone like me in LA.' Thing is, I'm feeling almost exactly what he said right now...becuase so far everyone I meet I compare to him and in the end he's better than all of them. Of all guys I've dated, my ex gave me the most positive and fuzzy feelings for him. I was attracted to his opennes, boyishness, and kindness. I don't know if I regret breaking up with him, but I've also never had 4 duds in a row. And I know it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm not over my ex or whatever (becuase I am for the most part)...because all 4 of these guys were clearly duds without question.
Vertex Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 4 duds in a row isn't too bad. If you're getting like 20 duds, I'd be reconsidering.
jason83 Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Personally, I usually find someone when I'm not looking Go out, have fun, enjoy your time that has been given to you. And if you happen to come across something, go for it!
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 I wouldn't take 4 duds in a row too seriously since you met them online. With online, I feel like you will meet mostly duds. That's just the way it is, and that's one reason I don't like it. Seems like that's the way to meet people, though. I don't know. Don't worry about the ex. There is a reason you broke up with him and now you are just remembering the good stuff. I had a bf a long time ago who used to say stuff like that, too. You'll never find someone as good for you as me, etc. Thing is, he's right, I haven't. At the same time, I know that relationship wasn't working for me, so it doesn't really matter.
konfuzd Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 I think you are doing a-ok. I went through 4 years of dating duds from my last LTR to my current one. It's easy to get down, but none of the guys you have been out with sound like horrible guys, just not compatible with you. At least you're getting out there and increasing the odds of finding a good one. Are you restricting yourself to online suitors, or are you attempting to meet people elsewhere? Are you involved in any sports or activities in your new city? Expand your horizons and don't get pessimistic. Each date is a learning experience, and maybe a free meal at a new restaurant you otherwise would have never tried. So, just enjoy, and chalk it up to experience.
Author gummybear Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 Thing is, he's right, I haven't. At the same time, I know that relationship wasn't working for me, so it doesn't really matter. Reading that made me feel better. I'm hoping this is just a temporary dating dud spell I'm having....
Isolde Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Gummy, I dated four duds in 2008 too! 1-I liked him a LOT, I had to ask him for a second date and he rejected me two weeks after our second date, though he had kissed me and asked if he would see me again 2-I liked him sort of but there were some red flags, he didn't ask me for a third date and I was leaving town soon anyways 3-From online, liked me, was nice and shy, but NOOOOO attraction on my part 4-From online, liked me, was weird and I didn't like his looks or personality
D-Lish Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 4 Duds in a row isn't a biggie, especially from online. What kind of screening process do you go through with the guys? I screen guys with e-mails first, then MSN, then I insist on lots of photos and ask to see them on a web cam. When I first started online dating I didn't go through this process and found that 90% of the guys I met were nothing like their pics or profile. Now- I meet up with a lot less men, but the ones I usually do meet I get on with. I also offer up the same- I want them to see me and interact with me on MSN so there are no surprises when they meet me. It's a shame, but many people lie online. On the other hand it's a good way of meeting people you wouldn't meet otherwise. I've met as many losers online as I have out and about. Try and tighten up your screening process if you are finding the chemistry isn't there when you meet them. When I did so, I got better results.
carhill Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 OP, re-read your post. Nearly half of it was about your ex. It's when your ex is irrelevant that you can open your heart and mind to the uniqueness of a new person. That said, you're doing pretty good. In the old days of meeting people IRL through friends and by happenstance, I'd go a year or more before meeting someone halfway compatible, let alone warm fuzzies. I think I probably met three in five or six years. Anyway, keep trying. I'm certain you have no shortage of suitors so enjoy the ride
sunshinegirl Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 If it's any consolation, on Wednesday I will go out with the 11th bachelor I've met since August. Nine of the previous 10 have turned out to be duds - but meaning no connection, not that they were jerks or losers. One guy out of the 10 is still in the picture but I'm not ready to be exclusive...hence guy #11. I do believe it's a numbers game and that you mostly strike out online...but some gems do turn up every now and then.
amymarieca Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 4 duds in a row isn't bad. I have been on so many dates with so many people who are psycho that I think I could actually write a book. Online dating has many frustrations. I guarantee that you will meet some normal people though. It just takes time!
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