Capricciosa Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 In my experience, it's best to love the music and not get too serious about the musician. Especially as you get older.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 30, 2008 Author Posted October 30, 2008 I just watched this crazy creative movie, so advance notice that I'm kinda hopped up. Vertex, I'm 32. I have to say I could never do something like that, she'd want to murder me after a while... I also have this nasty habit of writing, rewriting, rewriting, going bleh and chucking..... I have driven people mad with this I am a perfectionist, too. "Progress, not perfection, is what we should be asking of ourselves" is one of my mantras. But I think it's a really good exercise in learning to communicate and collaborate peacefully. The relationship with the guy I wrote all the music with was very special, very intense. I definitely feel that he was the closest version of a true counterpart I've had yet. He commented once that it felt we were both sculpted from a single batch of clay. I know this sounds crazy, but he told me he had even had recurring dreams about me before we ever met, and when he first saw me, he actually recognized me from those dreams. He also said that one week before we met, when he was on vacation in Vancouver, he got this very strong premonition that he was about to meet me. He was struggling with writing his own material, and had just worked up a cool cover of this very obscure Yes song that he was looking for a female singer for. A week before we met, I randomly bought that very Yes tape at a thrift store for a dollar, since I'd never heard it and, hey, a dollar! It was pretty freaky. We were highly adoring of each other, and even though of course we disagreed sometimes, we always found a way to understand each other's point of view (well, except on the one issue, entirely unrelated to music, that broke us apart). In our music, I was usually responsible for the high end (piano, guitar, vocals), while he mostly took care of the lower end (bass, also guitar and some piano). The ensuing counterpart was unbelievably stimulating. It felt as though we were making love through our music. We were falling in love during the whole process of beginning to write together. I'm getting chills just remembering it! kizik, funny you mention Elliott Smith. I love him, too, and the aforementioned musician guy says he's a big influence. You can definitely hear it in his stuff. I used to front a band with a good female friend, and though I had fun and we built up quite a following, I just don't CARE about being in the spotlight (I'm a friendly introvert who loves trying new things). I have performed for audiences large and small, and while in the beginning it was kind of cool, I just do not thrive on a lot of anonymous fan worship/validation. My favorite part of the creative process has ALWAYS been actually writing and recording my music at home. Yes, I love inspiring people with my creativity, but playing the same songs over and over again gets very old, very fast for me. Some friends of mine in gigging bands have described performance as a perpetually "adolescent endeavor", and I totally get that. I like to innovate and do brand new things with music (I hate that question "Who do you sound like?" No one! That's the whole point!), not regurgitate the same material night after night. If all you're after is tail, yeah, creating on your own in a meaningful way is probably not your best avenue. But if you want something deeper, I think it's just the ticket.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 30, 2008 Author Posted October 30, 2008 In my experience, it's best to love the music and not get too serious about the musician. Especially as you get older. You know, I am not even drawn to "in the spotlight" musicians so much. I find the "regular people" who do it because they love it, in their free time, not for the acclaim, are the ones I really connect with. I myself have been paid for music and art of various forms, and I know what starts to happen when it becomes your vocation (at least for me). At least right now, I enjoy the freedom of doing it NOT for money. My paid work is semi-creative, and it is allowing me to make room for my greatest loves (music and other art forms) in my free time. I think a compatible partner for me will have a similar point of view.
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I myself have been paid for music and art of various forms, and I know what starts to happen when it becomes your vocation (at least for me). At least right now, I enjoy the freedom of doing it NOT for money.. What does happen? I would hate to try to make a living off of it, I couldn't cope with that sort of pressure, I think it would just turn me ridiculously obsessive and I'm bad enough with that anyway. I know my friends that tried it ended up taking some real crummy jobs just to make ends meet, quite a few of them in the band fell out as well as it became like a business.
JoeNewbie Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I'm a serious musician with a serious daytime job. I would love to date a singer/musician but never had a chance to. I play blues, jazz and folk for the most part. I would be interested in meeting a pretty girl who could play with me. My phone number is (626) 555-1212.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 30, 2008 Author Posted October 30, 2008 In music, you start to attract guys who want to freaking MARKET you, and shape you into their picture of the ideal female rock star. It is so funny to see how different men respond to female creative talent. Some just adore; some are clearly intimidated (my relationships always seem to reach this stage eventually, after the adoration period -- it sucks); some get all controlling and pushy. I'm a sensitive person, so all this controlling energy coming at me is exhausting. You try to deflect it, but it's just unending. When there's money involved, all those marketing gears start turning (dress like this, behave like this on stage, make your songs more "radio friendly" <-- **** that!). Not to mention I have some female friends who have played festivals and the like, and been pressured by the men in control to sleep with them if they want to come back next time. I have also written and directed a few plays, and done freelance costume and set design. I VASTLY preferred the times I did this as part of an academic program, where there was NO financial pressure and I could be as weird and innovative as I wanted to be. And not surprisingly, when I got to follow my own totally unique vision, the audiences were far more moved by the work. When money is involved, again, you have to consider the sponsors and ticket buyers. And the bigger the budget is, the more commercial the box you are squeezed into. I have had several opportunities to make BANK working in commercial theater, and I've even done it for brief stints, but I find it very boring, and I know I would feel like a "shadow artist" in that life. I'm still at the point where I'd rather make a modest living and do things that have real meaning to me. Not that I think you CAN'T make money doing what you really love -- it's just more of a challenge.
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 OIC yeah that sounds pretty tricky. Plus I think audiences can be pretty fickle I guess and you're at the mercy of the buying public -- thanks for the insight.
Rooster_DAR Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 In music, you start to attract guys who want to freaking MARKET you, and shape you into their picture of the ideal female rock star. It is so funny to see how different men respond to female creative talent. Some just adore; some are clearly intimidated (my relationships always seem to reach this stage eventually, after the adoration period -- it sucks); some get all controlling and pushy. I'm a sensitive person, so all this controlling energy coming at me is exhausting. You try to deflect it, but it's just unending. When there's money involved, all those marketing gears start turning (dress like this, behave like this on stage, make your songs more "radio friendly" <-- **** that!). Not to mention I have some female friends who have played festivals and the like, and been pressured by the men in control to sleep with them if they want to come back next time. I have also written and directed a few plays, and done freelance costume and set design. I VASTLY preferred the times I did this as part of an academic program, where there was NO financial pressure and I could be as weird and innovative as I wanted to be. And not surprisingly, when I got to follow my own totally unique vision, the audiences were far more moved by the work. When money is involved, again, you have to consider the sponsors and ticket buyers. And the bigger the budget is, the more commercial the box you are squeezed into. I have had several opportunities to make BANK working in commercial theater, and I've even done it for brief stints, but I find it very boring, and I know I would feel like a "shadow artist" in that life. I'm still at the point where I'd rather make a modest living and do things that have real meaning to me. Not that I think you CAN'T make money doing what you really love -- it's just more of a challenge. I like your music! You remind me a bit of Nora Jones, the music has gentle overtones and some diversity to it. I like to explore different sounds, but I'm just trying to get back on track after many years of not picking up an instrument. I'm trying to write mainstream rock, something on the lines of Staind and Chevelle type of music. My friends want me to go back to the really hard rock (Pantera, Slipknot) kind of stuff, but I'm not compelled to at this point. Cheers!
Rooster_DAR Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 Also, you sound a bit like Amy Lee from Evanescence.
AriaIncognito Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I'm a musician as well. Have been since I was about 9. Majored in music, but went into a career in IT where I'm doing quite well. I do front 2 rock bands though, and am definitely not a flake at all (ask TP on here). I think there are just some musicians that give us reliable ones a bad rap. As far as dating musicians, I've only dated one my entire life, and that was the drummer of a band I was in 10 years ago. He and I lived together and were together for 4 years. We are still friendly yo this day. He's married with 2 kids. As for how he was, yeah I'd say introverted. He was good at what he did though, musically. And definitely a bit of a perfectionist.
sumdude Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I'm a musician as well. Have been since I was about 9. Majored in music, but went into a career in IT where I'm doing quite well. I do front 2 rock bands though, and am definitely not a flake at all (ask TP on here). I think there are just some musicians that give us reliable ones a bad rap. Oooh... female alter ego! Rock on girl!
inlovewithlove Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 I like: What do you call the guy who hangs out with musicians? The drummer. Haha...what does a stripper do with her a s s h o l e before she goes to work? - Drops him off at band practice...haha. I've been a professional musician (keys/trumpet) off and on for over 10 years now, and it's amazing how girls just swoon over musicians. I used to have no problems meeting single women through the band, but as soon as it ended and I started going to clubs just as a regular guy...wow, it was hard to meet women. It was like night and day. I used to be able to get anyone I wanted...I would just look out over the bar during the set...pick someone out, and they would be mine at the end of the night. Didn't ever happen when I wasn't up on stage. I hated bars once I became "one of the guys." I remember going to see a friend's band one night, and this girl was totally swooning over my friend (guitar player). She thought he was sooo cool, but he was over 30 and still lived at home with his mom! I think it's because women like guys in positions of power, popularity, and like sensitive creative guys...this is a combination of the three.
Capricciosa Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 In my experience, the drummers are often the most stable an reliable in the band. Maybe something with being in the background but keeping the rhythm together.
sumdude Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 In my experience, the drummers are often the most stable an reliable in the band. Maybe something with being in the background but keeping the rhythm together. ...IME... They need a place for their drums and a car to move them. Nothing sadder than a drummer without a car.. How do you know when the stage is level? The drummer drools from both sides of his mouth. How does the drummer make his car go faster? He takes the pizza sign off the roof. What do you call a singer without a girlfreind? Homeless.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 In my experience, the drummers are often the most stable an reliable in the band. Maybe something with being in the background but keeping the rhythm together. Weird...I've found that as well! My last ex was a guitarist and flaky as heck; my current love is a drummer and we've been together almost 2 years and he's never let me down <3
Capricciosa Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 ...IME... They need a place for their drums and a car to move them. Nothing sadder than a drummer without a car.. What do you call a singer without a girlfriend? Homeless. Well, I guess that's as good a reason as any to settle down.
torranceshipman Posted October 31, 2008 Posted October 31, 2008 I may be the only female that will never find musicians attractive :D basically because most of my extended family all work in music and most have been successful and yknow, when I see a successful muso it reminds me of the oldies in my family haha!! Good news is tho, a lot of them are still with high school sweethearts or in strong long term R's, there are flakes but less of them. The really successful ones seem to have the longest Rs, maybe because theyre so successful they feel no need to live up to the playboy image of a muso and prove something to someone. Who knows, tho, but I just would be a bit put off myself :laugh:
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