20080520 Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Excuse my broken english. Here's a serious situation which I cannot find a solution to. I'm 18 and my gf's 19. We're both asian. We've been going out for almost 2 years now. It was rough at first. Smooth in the middle. Getting worse in the end. I love my gf and want what's best for her. I can feel that too from my gf. As time goes by, bad debates are being talked in each families. Both of our parents "dislike" each other. They are telling us to break up. I understand the statement "If I love her, it doesn't matter what our families think." But the twist is, my gf's family literally controls her. Her mom controls almost all her "important" decisions because her mom thinks that her daughter/my gf is "not ready yet." She's 19! I know, in that case, it my gf's mother fault. But what can I do? I tried talking to her mother but she's SOO STUBBORN, her mom keeps looking down on her daughter/my gf. I tried many times but fail. =\ My family (literally all of em, including brothers/sisters) "dislike" my gf. My gf's controlling mom and dad(doesn't really care) dislikes my parents. Even her only sister "dislikes" me. The gist is it's families that "dislike" each other. Who cares what family thinks, right? Well...in this situation...I don't have answer for that. The reason is because my gf has no say in decision making because of her mom (dad does not care). Most of my gf's decision were made by her mom except the breaking up with me decision. Since her mom is controlling her, she can't just "not care" what her family thinks. I don't know if it's a disease but her mom is ALWAYS "afraid her daugthers will get hurt". So she can never go out by herself. Do you guys have any advice on how to solve both our problems? Will this relationship last? Thanks.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 You're English was fine. Probably better than mine is sometimes on LS! You're asking a pretty hard question to answer. My first reaction, even before talking about family, is that you both are very young (18+19). I'm 19 myself, and coming to the realization that first loves do not last forever. Even if you believe you are in the relationship that CAN make it, you probably arn't. So will your relationship last? To be 100% honest, probably not, simply because you have not been out there enough to really know what you're going to want for the rest of your life. On the family note, I'll give a bit of some personal info: My most recent ex is Asian. I'm White. From the start, when him and I were dating, he told me his parents wouldn't like me. It broke my heart, but I got over it, and eventually his mom warmed up to me a ton, we got quite close! As for his father... well his dad joked around with me, we had very nice conversations, but I don't think he really cared if I came or went. Overall though, both his parents, over the course of my 2.5 yr relationship with my ex, became like extended family. We got along great. HOWEVER, my ex's grandparents just HATED that my ex was dating a white girl. They would call up him and his parents on occasion and yell at them hours on end over it. My ex said he didn't care. He said if it wasnt about him dating a white girl, it would be over something else. In the end, my ex left me for a Vietnamese girl (hes Vietnamese). Does this mean family values beat out our relationship? Tough call. Its undeniable that him dating a girl his family wanted would be better for him with regards to less fighting, less stress. So right there, there is an advantage to him dating her. Was that enough to cause him and I to break up? No. I think there are LOTS of other reasons our relationship failed. So my answer, in short (sorry this was so long) is: Yes, family values play a role, but generally if you love a person enough, those roles play a very minimal role. However, that just because family values are put on the backburner, it does not mean your girlfriend and you will last. Familial pressures could eventually get to her, or simply growing up and seeing she wants more out of life. Who knows. ;p I hope I helped a little!
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