lofi_tokyo Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Sorry I always put up random posts of me just thinking, but it helps me get by from day to day. I think the thing I struggle with most these days is HOW. How did my ex just leave me for another person? How can he not miss me? I know the answers I guess. He left me for another person because dating her seemed more fun than dating me. He doesn't miss me because there is nothing to miss really - hes enjoying his life with the new girl. Ugh. Life for me has been amazing in the last month. I've been more social, laughed more, enjoyed life more than I have in god knows how long. I've been letting myself be the person I could not allow myself to be while dating my ex. I still miss him though. I felt like no matter where life took me, he was my anchor. I could always come home to a person who loved me, and a person I loved dearly. My anchor is gone now, and I'm caught adrift. I'm caught up in a flurry of laughter, new experiences, new people coming and going, and I'm learning new things each day... but hes not a part of it, and that confuses me. Being single seems fantastic. I find so much strength in people I barely know that are just living life. Furthermore, I have become more receptive to others emotions, and yeah... just... its good. I don't love my ex anymore, I don't want him back, I don't want to know him, I don't want to care. Sadly though, I just can't shake my ex out of my life. I keep trying though! 1 month and 3 weeks broken up. 2 weeks NC. Hes been dating his new girlfriend 1month 2 weeks. These seems like the counters that govern my life. ;p
20080520 Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 I'm assuming you two have been broken up for bout 2 months. It's hard forgetting about Exs. It seems like you know the "get on with your life" quote. It takes time. How long the time depends on you. Only thing you can do is do what you do best and continue your hobby. Good luck!
Author lofi_tokyo Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 Yup. You're right. I need to get on with life. Keep doing what makes me happy. Its just hard sometimes. Feelings about him just creep back into my system. Luckily, they're always painful ones... so they keep me from wanting him back.
SoundTribe Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 i know how you feel about your ex coming into your thoughts because its happening to me too! but i noticed as the days go by it happens less and less, and i know deep down its only a matter of time before its gone.
Author lofi_tokyo Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 i know how you feel about your ex coming into your thoughts because its happening to me too! but i noticed as the days go by it happens less and less, and i know deep down its only a matter of time before its gone. Yup. Its both great AND scary. Scary because I realize the more I get over him, the more he must be over me. Since he is obviously leagues ahead of me in being done, each step I make is steps he made months ago. I shouldnt think of it that way though. Ick
EmperorR Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 ah tokyo i'm in the same boat as you, I'm almost over my ex, the only thing I can't get over is being cheated on when I did nothing wrong.. It's the most selfish disgusting act a partner can do to another partner, while they can cheat dump and move on and act like nothing happen, I feel like damn damaged goods, so hard to trust again, feel used, lied to abused by the only person I ever trusted. Blah even my family members ask about my ex (i haven't told them she's a liar, cheater, opening up her legs to a guy she just met, callous b*tch) and it sucks. But I won't let her win, I know I will find somoene better and learn to trust and love again just takes time. I don't want my ex back either, now I know I could never trust her again for cheating on me, making me give up all my friends when we were toget and then kicking me to the curb and I had to go through everything all alone, but some part of me sitll has feeings for her and I hate that part. she already has a new bf, I know it will fail, I always wonder how I would react when I found out, only that I don't care at all.
MichiganMan222 Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Seems I'm in the same boat as you now OP. Found out my ex is already in a relationship with someone she met about 5 months ago. In retrospect, I see what happened and the front that was put up and it rips a hole in my soul. She and this guy got real close and she started spending a lot of platonic time with him. But this basically made her lose her will to fight through the problems we were having. She gave up in August, but then we tried a couple times. Her wall was up. She refused to end this 'valuable friendship'. It made me a crazy person. We had our last nice night together not a week and a half ago and officially ended it. That gave her the green light to enter a romance with the guy she claimed never had any romantic interest in. The hardest part is exactly what you say. They are not feeling the same pain you are. I feel so alone, deceived, and tossed away like a dirty paper-towel. She made me feel like a defective person. I can't sleep, I don't eat (which is actually making my body look a lot better LOL!!!) and I can't concentrate on work. I want so bad to write her an email reaming her up and down, but I know she and her new man will just use to laugh and amuse themselves. The only saving grace I have (and I know this is WRONG), is I don't give their relationship much of a chance due to conflicting circumstances. The woman that claims she'll love me forever seems to have found a way to not love me anymore. I wish we could all meet in a room in real life and support each. This is nice, but sometimes we need hugs.
Rafa Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 My anchor is gone now, and I'm caught adrift. I'm caught up in a flurry of laughter, new experiences, new people coming and going, and I'm learning new things each day... but hes not a part of it, and that confuses me. I feel this same confusion, and this feeling of being 'adrift'. I didn't realise how important that anchor was. When you say, he's dating her because she is more fun than dating you... well that's not true for lots of reasons. Relationships change. I'm sure you were every bit as 'fun' to date at first too, as much as I'm sure his new girl will be less 'fun' to date in months from now (if it lasts that long). It is hard to match the honeymoon period, but it always dies down. I guarantee you that there will be some unique things about you that he misses that the new girl doesn't bring to the table. I once dumped a girl... She was awesome, I just wasn't falling in love with her and could see it wasn't going anywhere. To this day, I can say that there were some things that she brought to the relationship that I haven't been able to find since. Everyone is different and unique and he wouldn't have gone out with you in the first place if he didn't see good qualities in you. It is so hard, I know. Every day I try to tell myself that she "wasn't right for me", but after two months it still gets to me because there is a conflict in my head. You have to remember that it is about YOU from now on. Not about him. Don't be sorry for posting, post as much as you want! Take care.
Sysyphus28 Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 The "adrift" feeling is something I have tried to embrace. I have wanted to break NC for a week now. Somehow my logical mind keeps winning and it says, "the person who hurt you, will not be the person who can heal you" I know any convo I have with her, especially if I go see her, won't make me feel any better. HAs anyone felt better after they broke NC??
Rafa Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 HAs anyone felt better after they broke NC?? I broke NC about a week ago. Bad idea, but in some ways it gave me a bit of closure. It was a weird conversation. She said she misses me every day and this has not been easy for her, in fact she even cries most days. But I pushed her, and said "you don't love me anymore do you?". She said "maybe I don't"... ouch. She also said "you need to stop thinking about me", and "don't wait for me". ouch/ouch. But hey, it helped me realize that I need to move on. I was still holding on to hope. Not much hope after that though is there?
JooLee Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 i broke NC about a week ago, i told him i still miss him and love him but i have to let him go. know what he did in return? he showed up with his new gf to my usual hang out spot in uni (he hasnt been there the whole semester) and rubbed it in my face. well to be honest, i have to say that im glad he did what he did because now i see what a cruel jackAs* he is.. and all the longing for him disappeared. it was an eye opener, a kick in the butt. he's actually out to hurt me, when he was the one who left. what do you call this? immaturity? i actually dont find a reason for him to treat me this way at all. i did all i could and i gave all i could. and now im taking my heart back and heading down a brand new road. and im actually glad i realise this much sooner. the only thing im dealing with is the anger. the anger of how i allowed myself to have trusted a very bad person and to allow myself to be used like this. but this is a different topic. tokyovogue, all those things that you wrote were exactly what i was dealing with up till last week. but what i came to realise is it doesnt matter how he could have shifted his feelings so fast to another person. in this life, people will do what they want, without considering anyone around. and i guess sometimes people's feelings just change.. without explanation. it just happens. now the ultimate task which is so hard to do is accepting it. accepting that some things are not in our hands and we dont always get what we want/hope for. its true when they say what doesnt kill us only makes us stronger. we can look at it another way, that this is just God's gentle way of letting us know this person is not the right one for us. (yes despite the pain and all but imagine if we actually got married and had kids with them and then realise they are not the right one) so in a way, we are lucky, because we are spared a lifetime misery with the wrong person. i dont know its just a thought.
Peter_pan Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 she already has a new bf, I know it will fail, I always wonder how I would react when I found out, only that I don't care at all. I can tell you how it feels to find out they failed, ffing great it puts a smile on your face, but when they STILL dont contact you and then a month later you hear they are back together, you feel even more ****... @rafa, it amazes me that she even replied and told you she cries sometimes!! @mich man, yeah hugs would be good lol we all need em!
Rafa Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 @rafa, it amazes me that she even replied and told you she cries sometimes!! Yeah you wouldn't believe what I've read into that (from every angle).
Peter_pan Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Yeah you wouldn't believe what I've read into that (from every angle). i bet. that would make me go insane i reckon. maybe her not speaking to me is a good thing..
Author lofi_tokyo Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 Wow everyone, thanks for all the posts. Its nice knowing I'm not the only person who has experienced or is experiencing that bizzare drifting feeling. I think its very true that my life is about ME not, not him, and I need to stop wondering if he misses me and whatnot, because thats worrying about his actions, which I cannot control. I guess I'm just waiting on the day that acceptance hits me over the head and makes me stop feeling confused. I mean, I actively admit our relationship is over, and I am moving on, but I really wish I could just flip a switch and never fall back on sad thoughts about my ex. Anyways, thank you for all the posts, really and truly. Each one in its own way makes me feel better and makes me feel like this breakup was great because now I belong to a close group of supportive people live yourselves.
Author lofi_tokyo Posted October 28, 2008 Author Posted October 28, 2008 BLAH. I am so tempted to re-add him and unblock him from my AIM and see if he talks to me. Problems with that: a) if hes not online I'll be sad, even if we don't talk b) if hes online but doesn't say hi, I'll be sad c) if he talks to me, what he has to say will probably make me sad all in all, no reasons to add him to aim, at all but im still tempted. ;p
MichiganMan222 Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Resist!!! I sense you will be hurt!!!! Don't do it...at least not yet
MichiganMan222 Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 You know when I found out she already had a new b/f just days after I finally threw in the towel, I lost all urges to contact her. It still hurts and in fact hurts WORSE knowing she this isn't hurting her, but I have done a 180 degree turn on wanting to hear from her or find out what's going on in her life. Its actually kind of refreshing.
Peter_pan Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 where did you get this power to not care about her and miss her to want to make contact?
Author lofi_tokyo Posted October 28, 2008 Author Posted October 28, 2008 where did you get this power to not care about her and miss her to want to make contact? Haha I second that - HOW!? Personally, 80% of me is done, but 20% is still starts getting angsty once in a while (hence all my threads on this coping forum lol). I guess I get better each week, but honestly, I WISH I could just be like "okay hes a jerk I'm done", sadly I am not able to do so. ;p
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