kgyula Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 Hi, I'm 22, few weeks ago I was asked to help in a project of a local foundation. Here I met a girl (she is responsible for that project). At first sight it was nothing special, I mean she was nice and pretty, but I was not really interested. But as we worked together I realized that she might have something I missed the first days. So I began thinking what if the relationship would evolve into something more than just coworkers... So I started to flirt occasionally with her and to look after signs that are telling that she might be interested too. I use to go to her office 2-3 time a week for a few hours to discuss about the problems we need to solve, and each time she offers me some tea, coffe, sweets and things like that. She also seems to reply to my flirts (at least sometimes). Another thing to mention is that sometimes she touches me, or does something so that she has a motive to do so. Other times we sit each other with our legs touching each others. ok ok you may think that: "hey, the situation is cristal clear, why don't I ask her out"? I'm not certain what to do, because she is not just a simple girl from a bar, I will work together with her for at least the following 4-5 months. So if she is not interested and I let her know that I want more from her, well, that would mark the rest of the project in a bad way. So I need to know if she might be interested without letting her know for sure that I am interested in her. The other problem is that I don't know it she has a bf, and I don't want to ask her / or any of her colegues. However the circumstances are telling me that she is single because over this period, she never ever mentioned anyting about her boyfriend. (she did mentioned a story about her ex bf, but only once). I also have her phone number, but until this moment I called her only for work related problems. I also sent her a text message (once), after she left me an offline message on the internet, telling her that I recieved the message and that I wish her good night. (she never replyed - i have no idea why - but this confuesd me a bit, because if you like somebody, you will reply to his/her message) The recent thing that atracted my attention happened last friday. I was in her office, preparing to leave. And suddenly she asked me "hey, what are you doing in the weekend?". This question surprised me a little. I replied by telling her (and another colegue - who is also working in the same office) that I will probably go our for some jogging and go out in the city with my friends. I tought that it's to "risky" to ask her either why is she asking, either if she would like that the two of us would do something together. First of all because the presence of the 3rd person, and 2nd because that I asumed if she is indeed interested, there will be another weekend to ask het out (i usualy don't like to hurry things). Oh, just forgot to mention that she is older than me, she's 24. Ok, so, here is this girl, she is pretty, my style, but transmitting some messages from which I can't tell for sure if she might be interested or am I the one who is interpretting the messages in such a way that I convince myself that she might be interested. any sugestions, interpretations of the way she acts ?
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Ok, I can see why you think it's a bad idea to ask her out. But if you're going to do all this "is she interested/is she not interested" do you want to suffer another 4-5 months of that? Either ask her out Or forget about her and stop looking for signs of interest if you're not going to ask her out If you decide the former, maybe we can help you find a subtle way to do it?
Author kgyula Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 hi, fist of all let me thank you for your reply. 2nd, as you also said, It would be a stupid idea to suffer because of this uncertainty, and I am not planning to do so. I thought that I would wait for a couple of more days, and see her reactions, body language and stuff like that. Then decide if it's ok to ask her out. If it's not, then we will remain just simple colleagues. The only problem I am facing now is that I don't know exactly if she likes me, or more accurately said, if she can imagine more between us. today's update: I didn't managed to get to her office, because I was extremely busy. She said "ok" and asked when can I go? Then the conversation went on a more general field, I asked her about her weekend, she mentioned only reading, cleaning and cooking. We also talked about things we like to do, we are passioned about (because I don't really know any of her non work related activities). It was an IM conversation, it was nice. I think she like talking with me. Tomorrow I'll go to see her, hope some other signs will show up
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Then the conversation went on a more general field, I asked her about her weekend, she mentioned only reading, cleaning and cooking. Sounds good, keep us updated
Author kgyula Posted October 28, 2008 Author Posted October 28, 2008 hi, I'm back, with some interesting news So, as I mentioned before, today I went to her office in order to work on the project. Well, nothing special happened in the office, except one little thing. As another girl, or better said woman, entered the office (this girl also works there) she started to jostle my foot with her's. And she did this for the second time, in less then a week. (actually that woman entered only twice the office, since I work with her). I'm wondering why she did this. That other girl dresses very sexy, so maybe she was trying to see what are my reactions when a sexy girl shows up. Don't miss my point, the girl I like is also pretty... and I really like the fact that she dresses less provocative. So my reaction to that jostling was that I just ignored it and the other girl too, and keep focused on my work. The other noticeable fact is that she was a bit angry because of her boss, but didn't showed any stress signs after we left the office. (I waited for her, and we went home by foot). And here comes the interesting part ... As we walked and talked, she suddenly asked me if I would like to join her and one / or more of her friends. Well this surprised me a bit, because I wasn't expecting such I question, but I didn't showed any signs letting her know that I was't expecting that. Ok, you are now probably curios what I answered. Well, I consider the following before answering: - it would be great, but knowing that another working day expects us, it would be just a hurry, and we wouldn't spend much time knowing better each other. - the best circumstances when trying to get closer to a girl are not when she is with her friends. - if she is interested in me, she won't get upset and accept an invitation in the weekend. So, I thanked her for the tip, but told her that I am very busy, and tomorrow will be a hard day for me, which is the case. She knows me from this point of view and I think it is clear for her that it wasn't just a simple excuse. This time I applied the "2 steps forward, 1 step backward" strategy Hope it was a good idea. (well the point is that I don't want to seem in any way like a guy who is running after her, neither I guy who will always do what she wants - hope you got the idea). oh and one more thing, it everything goes well, I plan to ask her out in the weekend, for a drink or something like that. ps. tomorrow I guess I am going again to her office, so I will probably have some new updates
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 I think you should have taken her offer up.
Geishawhelk Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Nope, not from me. I agree with C.phobe.....
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Yeah you could have got to know her better out of work AND you could have asked her out, outside of the office after a couple of drinks, which would have been far easier than doing it at any other time, AND you could have gotten to charm her friends, and if she is interested she is probably annoyed that you just blew her out. I think you would have been better doing this in small steps rather than going for the juggular given that it's a delicate situation. Her invite out with friends was subtle as it wasn't asking you out, nor was it not asking you out either.
Author kgyula Posted October 28, 2008 Author Posted October 28, 2008 thanks for the arguments, well, first of all I wouldn't call it a blow off, because as I said it wasn't just a simple excuse. As you can see I am in front of my notebook right now working (and replying to you, only because I get email notification). Ok, but what is past is already finished with... I also agree with your "small steps strategy", and I don't plan to jump on her on the first date or something like that. ok, any other suggestions after knowing all this? after all these signs I am determined to ask her out, I would only need some oppinions... thanks
Author kgyula Posted October 29, 2008 Author Posted October 29, 2008 some news after yesterdays stuff... today she was very busy, so was I, so I wasn't able to get to her office. I called her, and we agreed that I will go tomorrow. She seemed VERY nice and sweet while talking. She also noticed at the end that I am nice guy.... but we didn;t talked much... ok, so I decided to surprise her and call her in the evening ( between 8-9 ) I never called her so lately before this. well, the fact is that she was the one who really amazed me... She was really excited that I called her. She talked faster than usually and seemed a bit caught by surprise. I wasn't expecting that... but it was ok. I just wanted to show her that I was interested on how her day passed and what's she's doing. I guess if you don;t feel anything for a guy and he just calls you in the evening you won;t fall into "emotion" mode... but maybe girls can tell me more about that.
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