princess75 Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 Hello! I was dating this man for 7 months before I had to move out of city, out of country. I am 2 hours away by flight though and 7 hours drive! Now, it has been nearly 2 months since I am in another country and he has started showing the following: He says he misses me, yet he doesn't really want to talk on the phone. He wants to talk every 2nd day. I feel we should be talking regularly. And now every time I call him, I feel I am bugging him as he picks up kind of "grumpy", as If I am doing something wrong. I feel if there is not continuity how can this relationship survive? When asked if he is someone else, he says no. When asked what he wants, he then out of the blue calls me and puts on a romantic music for me to listen and says he was hearing this on the radio and thought about me. When I ask him when will he come visit, he does not want to talk about it. Any clue anyone?
fabulousgal Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 Of course it can survive. 2 hour flight/7 hr drive is nothing. I also think he is telling you something by not wanting to speak every day...i had to learn this myself but sometimes you have to listen to the other person (within reason) and their needs. maybe he doesn't like the scheduled routine, or isn't a phone person. just relax. see how it goes if you just don't let your anxiety etc get the best of you.
Island Girl Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 It sounds like he wants to play it by day by day and see how it pans out. Perhaps he is a little discouraged at being in an LDR and isn't a phone person. The music being played for you is very sweet. Make the most of those moments and have a great conversation. On those nights when you wish you could talk to him but can't why don't you invest the time to write him a letter? Handwritten letters are extremely heart warming. My husband received lots of lengthy letters all about what was going on in my head. It allowed him to get to know me in a way that I don't think he would have otherwise. He knows ME inside of my head mostly because of those letters where he had to sit down and read my thoughts without a change of subject or interruption. So these kinds of things CAN work to your advantage. I agree with fabulousgal that a 2 hr fight or 7 hour drive is nothing. You will see each other a lot in comparison to some of us and it will not be that distance forever.
Author princess75 Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 We are in the long distance relationship. And it has been 2 weeks he hs traveled to the east and guess what! HE HAS NOT CONTACTED ME AT ALL> I am worried. Does this mean anything?
Forker Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 It can't really. There are some exceptions. You can try to force it or if you have only a few months you will be fine. However even if it was a 2 hour drive it just means more ability to grow apart from a relationship that wasn't terribly long to begin with. If he hasn't contacted you already you should probably just take control. Break it off cleanly and move on. If he moves back and you are free you won't have had a lot of past drama so you could either become friends or get back together. Although do not bank on this.
northstar1 Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 I had a long distance relationship and it didn’t work, she was four hours away and had little or no time for the relationship. I made a lot of effort and it went unappreciated by her and in the end I called the relationship off. Long distance relationships should be a short-term measure for a relationship, if they are for the long term it just won’t work. I certainly won’t enter another long distance relationship. Like your relationship, me and ex lived in the same town we were together for a month and then it went long distance and from then on the relationship was doomed to fail. THey only way they will work is if you are both on the same page, and there is a definite end date where you will be back in the same place. The longer it goes on, the better chance one or both will have difficulty. It also depends on just how far the distance is. A short flight/drive away, where you can agree to visits gives it a much better chance. But if someone is across the planet for 3 years, it becomes very very difficult.
taiko Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 THey only way they will work is if you are both on the same page, and there is a definite end date where you will be back in the same place. The longer it goes on, the better chance one or both will have difficulty. It also depends on just how far the distance is. A short flight/drive away, where you can agree to visits gives it a much better chance. But if someone is across the planet for 3 years, it becomes very very difficult. 3 years is difficult but survivable as Island Girl and myself can testify to. However there does need to be an agreed ultimate goal and end date for it to work IMO. It can't just be we were friends and we will stay together
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