markyboy1983 Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 I'll keep it short. My ex-girlfriend and I dated for about 2 years. We just broke up yesterday. We tried being friends for the last week of the relationship, but did not end up well. My friend got married two days ago and she came as my date and she got so trashed within an hour of the wedding that she couldn't even walk. I ended up taking her to her friends house where there was a party going on (I didn't want to take her home, cuz I didn't want her mother to see her in that condition.) I started drinking (which was a mistake) and a girl that I knew started talking to me, not hitting on me, just talking. My ex said that she wasn't mad at that, yet she took the keys to my car and sat in it for a 1/2 hour before I realized she was in it. (Sorry this isn't gonna be short like i forewarned.) I went to the car and we started talking/fighting - not physically fighting. I ended up leaving after words were said between us. Bottom line is the next day we both decided that it would be best if just didn't have any contact (NC). I know 2 years isn't a long time to be going out, but we were talking about marraige and about 2 weeks pryor to the fight she asked my mom she wanted to meet her mom, and this happened. I feel like complete (u know what) right now. My psychologist said that I put everything I had into this relationship and it is gonna make the "mourning/healing" process that much harder. My questions are 1: how long am I gonna feel like crap. I don't even want to get out of my bed in the morning, but unfortunately I have a job I hate that have to go to. Everyone says just work to keep ur mind off of everything goin on, but it doesn't work. Yesterday I had to leave work early (5 hours in) because I was going to cry. I felt like a wimp. 2: This whole NC thing how do I keep it going, cuz I want to call her every second, but I don't (that doesn't make sense gramatically, but I think people here will know what I mean.) 3: I am not a big drinker, but since the last week I feel like its the only thing keeping me sane, even though it probably has the opposite effect. 4: Are there any songs that are not sappy "ill live on with my life after a breakup" songs, that are more heavy metal oriented, because I am sick of Leona Lewis' "Better in Time." I know i'm all over the place, but try to bare with me. 5:WHAT DO I DO?
Danielle46 Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 I know how you feel in terms of being weak and feeling like life just won't go on unless you're with that person you love. It's been about 2 weeks since my break up with the love of my life. We had been dating over 4 and a half years & due to extraneous issues, things have come to a halt (hopefully momentarily). You can read my original post for the whole story. But anyway, I spent the first couple of days crying my eyes out & laying in bed wondering to myself "where did I go wrong?" "Why is this happening to me?"..and more importantly "How do I get him back?"...or is he even gone forever? Well believe it or not, given some time, you'll slowly begin to slip out of the emotional coma...you'll realize that you CAN be strong even without that person in your life. I know it's hard to believe it now, but if you can covince yourself that there is light at the end of the tunnel and happiness WILL find you again, you can and will be okay. As far as no contact goes...I am dealing with that right now...He said he wanted to keep in touch, but ultimately, he asked me for "time and space" right now so he can sort through everything... so I decided that on my end, at least, i wasn't going to be the one contacting him. I didn't speak with him for 3 days and he all of a sudden texts me telling me that...his life is somewhat coming together, he misses me a lot, thinks about me a lot, and still loves me...that was about 4 days ago.. we haven't spoken since then, but I'm being strong and I refuse to cave in & call or text him. I figure if he's as busy as he says then he'll contact me when he has the time too. No contact is in fact extremely difficult, believe me I know, but it also gives the other person a chance to REALLY full-on miss you & think about if they really like life without you or not. There is a song, actually called "Somebody"...it is somewhat country but the message is amazing... Reba Mcentire sings it by the way... her message is that "somewhere out there, is somebody" and it could be someone you see or walk by everyday...listen to the song, or read the lyrics and you'll see that it is inspirational. You just have to hold on and tell yourself that you're strong! Don't drown yourself in alcohol, because that doesn't work...don't kill yourself over feeling sorry for yourself...just try to keep your head up...give it time and see what happens. I know hearing "give it time" is like asking you to cough up a billion dollars... it just doesnt seem possible...but really thats what people need sometimes to work things out in their minds. Like I always say.. everything happens for a reason... and down the road you'll see the reason for this. I wish you the best of luck & remember to BE STRONG! =)
Amy22 Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 I think two years is along time. I understand why you are hurting. To answer some of your questions. I think it takes everyone a different amount of time to get over their ex. I think sometimes it depends on the things you try to move on. Even though you had to leave work early be proud of yourself you got out of bed and tried your best. It will get easier. For me it was nice to be at work and be around other people. It is good for you to try and be around friends and family. Even though you won't feel like it. I will help you move on. You can't lay in bed forever even though that is what you want to do. It may seem like those things don't keep your mind off your ex but over time you will notice they do more and more. You have to try and find what works for you to not call your ex. I think everyone struggles with that. What do you enjoy to do? Read a book, watch your favorite movie, and call all your friends and family. Take one hour at a time. Concentrate on not calling her for this hour. What can you do for the next hour to keep busy? Looking at days and weeks make it over whelming. Try to focus on what else you are going to do right now. One thing that really helped me was to post here. I reading other peoples post for a minute made me think about their situation not mine. Find some online games to play. They can be very addicting. I was also not a big drinker until things got bad. I tried to drink to forget and make the pain go away. I don't really have much advice there since I did the same thing. I am in a relationship right now but it is LDR and I am lonely and sad. So I am posting here. Readingy our story and posting has taken my mind off it for a few minutes while I think about your situation and my advice for you. As for songs I seem to always find something out of a song that would make me sad. I just didn't listen to music for awhile. All of this just happened 2 days ago. You are doing good. Be proud of yourself. And do what ever you can to keep your mind off her. One hour at time. Good Luck.
Peter_pan Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 sorry to hear that, i have been in NC for 7 months and i still feel the itch to contact... so i guess that never goes away it just lessons and lessons as time moves on. as for songs taio cruz "moving on" is good, im not sure bout heavy metal tracks, will look into it.
Author markyboy1983 Posted October 29, 2008 Author Posted October 29, 2008 So I made the mistake of talking to her (cuz I have no will power) on the phone and going over her house on Monday - about two days after our "ordeal." We kissed and talked for a while. We hung out that night and again today Oct. 29th (Wednesday.) Nothing sexual happened, other than the kissing and laying together. At first we were just talking about random things (avoiding the pink elephant in the room) and after about two hours "it" came up. Even though she told me a million times in the last few weeks, through metaphors and that type of stuff, I have just finally realized why we broke up. She said it wasn't my fault, but she felt like she felt "bad" for me, cuz she wasn't going to be able to be there for me. She wants to go back to school and get a degree and feels like she won't be able to be there or have enough time for me. I kept thinking it was my fault for not being there for her, but what I have come to realize is that this was her decision. I, for the most part, did not do anything wrong. I kept blaming myself for the relationship ending, having regrets - " I should have done this or that." I think I am finally past the denial stage of thinking we are gonna be together 4ever, and am finally starting to accept things for what they are. According to the Kubler-Ross model (wiki it), I think I am in the depression/acceptance stage. The only thing that still haunts me, is right before I left her house today, and was ready to go our separate ways, she said "Mark, don't worry I'll see you soon. Part of me said "YES, great, we'll see eachother agian." The other part of me said "WTF, lets just both move on." Break ups suck, but hopefully I'll be in the "coping" soon. Also since some metalheads/hard rockers are in this site I am going to make a list of songs that might help them through these situations. p.s. sorry 4 my avatar, but I don't know anything about computers, so all of my pics involve my ex.
manugeorge Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 The bs excuses gets me all the time. She wants to go back to school and is afraid she wouldn't have time for you. Well how in the world does she know that? She's not even in school yet, does she know what her workload will be like? Did you try to work out an arrangement that may work for both of you when she gets there? She is breaking up with you based on what may or may not happen in the future???? Wow!
BCCA Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 The bs excuses gets me all the time. She wants to go back to school and is afraid she wouldn't have time for you. Well how in the world does she know that? She's not even in school yet, does she know what her workload will be like? Did you try to work out an arrangement that may work for both of you when she gets there? She is breaking up with you based on what may or may not happen in the future???? Wow! Where there is a will, there is a way. If she was at all interested in keeping you in her life, or felt like you were 'the one', love knows no distance. Anytime you see roadblocks being thrown up, and people start to make excuses for not being able to see you (as was mentioned, especially when she doesnt even know what her workload looks like) its generally a sign that they're not that interested, but dont want to be the bad guy. Sorry, I know this hurts.
Recommended Posts