BlueDog Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 I'm having a hard time accepting that things are over with my ex because the relationship was left very up in the air and unresolved, and I have this urge to carry out some kind of ceremony or event that would mark the fact that it's now over and ended, to help me with a bit of that elusive 'closure'. I have this great urge to buy a bunch of the kind of flowers you'd take to a funeral - lilies or something - and get a friend to spend a day going round with me visiting places that were significant in the relationship, so that I can talk about what happened in each one and leave a flower there. It would take a while because it was a long relationship and even just going to all the places we have lived together would involve five different addresses around the city, but I really have an urge to revisit those places one last time. Am I nuts? Has anyone tried anything like this? Should I go with my hunch that it would make me feel better in the long run, or is it just going to make me feel worse?
Geishawhelk Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 Nah. Go with the hunch. It's not a bad idea if you think - and believe - it will give you closure. But once the deed is done, when you find yourself straying back down Memory Lane (3rd right off Nostalgia Bld) stop and make up a math problem in your head. And solve it. Completely: Something like :- 17 times 38-squared, plus 19-cubed, divided by 9, Minus 378*. It's amazing how wonderfully a bit of complex simple maths can distract us form the maudlin! *(the answer by the way, is 31,116,666.)
Ronni_W Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 Actually, the kind of "closure ritual" that you're considering is an excellent tool/technique that is being used more and more often, in one form or another. It is a great idea to revisit those places that your heart needs you to visit -- that is something I never thought of before, but will keep it in mind, for future. An alternative is to take along a journal instead of a friend...and write down your thoughts, a poem, or whatever, whenever the mood strikes. As a "last piece", it can bring finality if you burn a photograph or somesuch, with the intention of releasing everything that may still be held in your "energy field", or you can simply visualize some kind of "final release" as the ending of the ritual. My sympathies on the death of your relationship. I pray you Comfort and Strength.
lifebeginsnow Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 I say go for it. You need to go through it to get to the other side. It is a "death" and the process of grieving is important. DO what you need to do to mourn the loss and realize that YOU are not dead, it is the relationship that is. And after the grief you will begin a new and better chapter.
Author BlueDog Posted October 26, 2008 Author Posted October 26, 2008 OK, I'm going to do it next Saturday. I'm kind of dreading it on one level because it feels like nailing the coffin down on the relationship - but I think that's probably a really good thing to get myself to go through with. Plus once I've dragged my poor friend round town for a day listening to all my memories, I will hopefully be even less likely to break NC because I would be embarrassed to admit to her that I'd put her through all that and still caved.
ioncebelieved Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 OK, I'm going to do it next Saturday. I'm kind of dreading it on one level because it feels like nailing the coffin down on the relationship - but I think that's probably a really good thing to get myself to go through with. Plus once I've dragged my poor friend round town for a day listening to all my memories, I will hopefully be even less likely to break NC because I would be embarrassed to admit to her that I'd put her through all that and still caved. Good thing my ex lives 360 miles one way from me. I really do no think I could what you are going to do. Man that would be hard as hell on me. Even if I start thinking about my ex and the places we went together, I have to stop myself immediately. Sometimes closure does not come like they way you think it should. Maybe you will get closure, maybe you will prolong your pain. Only you know your true feelings. For me, your idea would be a disaster for my already ailing self because of my own stupidity. Good luck and I hope it turns out well for you.
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