Mixed Signals during/after break up

[pepper-c]

I just turned 29 and my recent ex just turned 21. Broke up October 6th. We were dating for about 5 months. We live about an hour away but work about 1/2 hour away from eachother. In the beginning, she was head over heels for me in every way. She would never stop telling her friends and family about me (i know her father through my job and he was cool with this). She wanted to go so fast in the beginning that I had to tell her to dial it down a few times which would make her upset. Anyway, we could only see eachother about 2 times per week, usually on weekends, and as the relationship progressed, she began to have these times when she'd accuse me of not caring enough or I don't seem into her. She is a VERY insecure girl. She was even intimidated by me when we first got together. I would tell her that it was in her head, that i cared for her very much and things would continue on. But it seemed like she was constantly looking for my approval. There were times it annoyed me and I wanted to take space and not break up but then she'd literally cry and we'd stay together.

She lives at home with her mother who is alcoholic/abusive to her so she would never let me go to her place...even though i would offer. She would come to my place all the time because I live in a fun town and she needed to get away which she even admitted to me after the break up.

 

One day about two weeks before the break up, right after my b-day but a week before her 21st, i get an email on a monday afternoon at work saying that she doesn't want to be in this anymore. She said that she feels like she is doing all of the work and that I'm not "participating" enough. I immediately called her and we talk out our problems.

 

So for the next two weeks, I really became the perfect boyfriend and did what she asked as far as showing that i cared. She went out everynight for her 21st but didn't invite me. I really don't mind...I wanted her to have fun with her friends and I knew we were going to spend the upcoming weekend together. So that weekend, I took her out to dinner at her favorite restaurant saturday nite and then to the ny giant game on Sunday - she loves them and I have season tickets for them. That weekend I told her she seemed distant and she denied it...she changed the subject actually. We had a great time at the game that sunday and the next day AT WORK i get the EMAIL!!!! saying how she doesn't want to "be in this anymore". Said that "I didn't want it to come down to this, but this is where we are" and "I'm sorry". (important of note...her car also broke down that saturday and she didn't know if/when she'd get it back and without the car she wouldn't be able to see me like she wanted to anyway) She then wouldn't take my calls or return my emails.

 

That night sucked, obviously, as she unilateraly ended it and didn't give me my chance to speak. The next morning - i text terrorized her and she just kept saying "i'm sorry. i'm in a rut right now in my life and I just need time". Like she was a totally differnt person all of a sudden. That day we talked at work all day on email. She said that she still loves me and wanted to still hang out with me, however, she was in a rut and not where she wanted to be in her life at age 21. She used the line on me that I always used to educate her about when we first got together (you need to be happy with yourself before you can be with someone else). She said that she is going through a lot of problems at home, is really stressed at work (which i know she is cause she works for my company in another office), mentioned the car thing again and then said she wants to move out but doesn't have the money at this time. Said she just can't give to our relationship anymore because she was burnt out (the driving and the emotion that she put in wore her down and she didn't feel it was worth it anymore). She said not to automatically rule us out getting back together in the future, however, she'd want us to change some things if we did. I asked if there was another guy even though it wasn't my business...she said IT IS YOUR BUSINESS AND NO THERE IS NOT. I take her at her word due to her personality and I'd have found out by now at work through mutual friends...so I'm 90% sure its not OM.

 

For the next few days I went NC but then she'd email me and text me. There was a happy hour that she arragned for her bday with work colleagues that i just skipped out on. She text me later that night saying she wished i was there so we could have talked and then realized I was ignoring her and got upset. Two days later, I broke down and called her, first time we actually SPOKE since the b/u for 3 hours. It all came clear. As a graduate student in psychology, I could tell she was depressed. She stays in bed all day, feels trapped at home w/o her car, said the she thought turning 21 would be great but hates it cause going to local bars seeing all people from high school (she lives in a small rural area with not much to do). She made it seem like a temporary situation that would eventually clear up. I gave her some advice on how to feel better and told her I was there for her if she needed me.

 

 

the next day (one week after break/up), i get a text in the am thanking me for being such a great guy and that I'm the only person who understands her problems. Then she emailed me at work later that day telling me i was her good luck charm because she got told she was going to interview for the promotion she was waiting for that would give her health benefits. But the next day, we argued over email and on the phone about the break up and she said she was fed up with me and that now she couldn't really see us ever getting back together. Two days later, she emailed me apologzing and offering to finish "talking" with me if I wanted to. She said that she was looking for the perfect relationship and when it wasn't perfect anymore she gave up. She also asked if we were still going to the football game together that weekend.

 

Finally, I told her that we were not going to be friends the way she wanted....why should she have her cake and eat it too? I told her that i was going to give her the space she asked for and reminded her that she BROKE UP WITH ME. She agreed and wished me well. I then I went no contact. For the first week after no contact, she text me 2 times and emailed me once. She even said in the email (i know you're not going to write back but just want to know how your weekend went).

 

So now I'm 10 days no contact. I miss her like hell and really wonder if she truly is in a bad place right now and will come talk to me when she snaps out of it (when she gets her health benefits, gets her car back which I know she still doesn't have and has to rely on people for rides). I'm trying to move on...but it is tough. She's obviously still reaching out to me to tell me both stupid unimportant things and she text me immediately after she got the promotion i helped her interview for thanking me.

 

I just don't know what to do. It's obvious she was thinking about the break up for sometime before she did it (i know women do that) and she did distance herself a little for the few weeks before she did it. But is there the chance that she really is in a bad place right now and will begin to miss me eventually and realized what she gave up on?

[Danielle46]

I couldn't believe, when I read your post, how very familiar it is to my situation. My original post is somewhere on here and explains my whole situation...but to sum it up for you...My (ex) boyfriend and I were together for over 4.5 years, and pretty much when this semester of classes started, things began to go downhill for him...our relationship in itself was fine but he had a lot of extraneous things going on that were beyond his control. He also just turned 21, I dont know if age has something to do with it or not, but for some reason, Im beginning to think so. Anyway, his grades weren't where they needed to be and he's about to graduate, so that's one pressure. On top of that, with the state of the economy, his father recently lost his job of about 30 years...and of course, my b/f had debt that he wanted to pay off & now he isn't even sure if HIS job is secured or not. So, in similarity with you, they both said that they're in a rough spot in their lives right now and need time to work themselves out of it. My b/f also informed me that this does not "mark the absolute end of us" and has even told me through the course of things that he misses me and loves me still a lot.

 

It has only been about 2 weeks since the break up but it's been the roughest two weeks of my life as well. I am somewhat doing the same thing as you... on my end, I have gone no contact, not fully but I'll explain. You're right in saying " they broke up with us..." so naturally we shouldn't have to feel the need to explain anything or be sorry b/c it isn't OUR fault we're in this predicament. Well, he said he wanted to keep in touch during this time that he works through everything...but I just basically decided I would leave that up to him, so on my end, like I said, I have NOT been calling/texting/emailing or anything....and he has come around and texted/called me.

 

Overall, I think that if the love that you guys have is strong enough for one another that it is possible for it to work out. I'm hoping for the same thing that you are...that they can take this time & really think about things & realize what they had & what they would be missing out on giving it all up.

 

It's really hard and extremely difficult when you're on our end... we just want this to work & be how it "used to be"...but pleading or getting upset won't get us anywhere. We just have to be strong & see what happens. Everything happens for a reason & I'm sure within time, both of us will see the reasons for our current situations.

 

I wish the two of you the best of luck with everything. I figured if I shared my story with you then maybe you would feel slightly better knowing someone else is in the boat with you. I hope she does come around & see what she will miss out on if she just lets you walk.

 

Maybe people do just reach a point in their lives sometimes where they need to just take a break and focus on themselves and figuring out who they are & what they want out of life. A lot of the reasons that she gave you (i.e not having the money to move out...and so on) are similar to what I've heard as well.

 

So if I were you, I would just hope for the best but not have any sort of real expectations...that way you can't be real disappointed. We're both already within the worst case scenario... We aren't with them...it can't really get any worse than that...only better...things can either become easier as we accept that it's over or..our significant others can realize what they're missing & want to work everything out... either way, there's light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Again.. best of luck with everything & it's nice to know I share a common issue with someone else! =)

[pepper-c]

How old are you? Are you in your early twenties?? I'm just asking because all my female friends are much older and just tell me to move on. They are so far removed from that way of thinking.

 

Also, I think you may have a better shot of things working out. From what I hear on these boards, girls are usually pretty certain when they decide to dump someone they care about. Is that true? Guys are more likely to take back girls then the other way around. Also, your relationship was much, much longer than mine and there is too much history to throw away there.

 

Good luck on your end. And if you live in the tri-state area and you want to meet to talk give me a shout.

[Danielle46]

Yes I am in my early twenties. And I can't be certain about the whole "when girls dump guys it's for sure" thing... because I know for me anyway, I really cared for my b/f even when we had only been dating for 5 months.. so yes, although we did a lot of growing together & everything I can still see how this is upsetting for you. I think maybe in general, that could be useful information, but I really feel every situation is different and only YOU really know what kind of person she is.

 

There's no way of truly knowing if it's over or not because we can't tell what the future holds. At least for me, even though this may not be the true end, in a way, Im trying to treat it as if it is. Not that I have moved on & have started dating other people or even want too, but I'm just simply trying to adjust my life so that I can learn to live it without him. I've been spending time with friends and just focusing on my own studies in school.

 

She really might just need a little time to think things over... if you guys were meant to be then it will happen, maybe not tomorrow or a week from now etc, but it will happen when it's supposed to, if it's supposed to.

 

The best thing is to just try to stay positive...sometimes the whole "commitment factor" can be scary for some people as well...more often men than women, but who's to say it can't happen to women as well?

 

Every day can bring something new to the table... you never know what might happen if you truly just give it time...life is ever-changing and it's our ability to adapt to that that will make us stronger in the end.

 

I know it's hard to "just move on"...and everyone who told me that, I wanted to punch (lol), believe me that's much easier said than done especially because THEY aren't the ones in the situation. But like I said, I would just fill your time with other things and if she comes around then great & if not then maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

 

Somewhere out there IS someone who will appreciate you just for who you are. It very possibly could be her, but just don't hold your expectations too high... live out each day as it comes & hope for the best. =)

[mixwell]

I went through a similar situation with my ex also. I think the age factor has something to do with it. (I'm 25 and she was 19) My ex was very insecure and I got the whole speech about her putting in effort and me not seeming to care etc.. She also seemed to escalate personal problems which burdened me as well. Since she had gotten her hours cut at work she was crazy stressed out. I'm not doing to well financially either but I guess the real life experience teaches you to learn how to deal with them rather than whine about it.

 

She did just turn 21 and I've heard its common for girls to not want a relationship so then can go out and do their thing without any commitment. I think the best thing is to continue NC and just cut her off. She made her bed so now she can lie in it and think about what she wants. I'm not saying there isn't a chance you two will get back together but I for sure wouldn't waste my time sitting around waiting. Resume life and enjoy yourself and if she comes back then great but improve yourself in the mean time and you might find out that after a while you don't even want to be with her. Good luck and stay strong !!

[pepper-c]

The thing is, I'm 29 and secure in myself and not jealous. She knows she can go out and do whatever and I won't be calling her or texting her asking her where she is or what she's doing. And most secure, well adjusted women appreciate a man who is not jealous and clingy. I think he takes it as in insult, however, and because I don't do this that I don't care. Because that is all she knew in her previous two relationships with the creepy losers she dated before me.

 

My point is, I understand the theory of turning 21 and not wanting committment. But short of going out and shoving her tongue down random dudes throats (which I know her and her family very well and like she has told me "i'm not a skank" )i have no problem with what she does when we are not together.

 

I think this is all in her head, to be honest. That she can't be 21 and also be in a relationship. She tells me about her friends who are grossly obsessed with their loser boyfriends....and you know what, she was grossly obsessed with me 3 months ago. Maybe she can't accept the fact that she can go out and do her thing AND still be with me at the same time. And if she can't do that, then maybe she really just does have issues and isn't ready to be with a mature, confident guy that has a lot going for him. Thats what all my friends think....that she couldn't handle being with me.

 

One more thing. Her past 2 exboyfriends stalked her and still do after she broke up with them. She has told me they are absolutely pathetic, but that is obviously what she has come to expect after she ends a relationship.

 

I was like that for a week after the Break up based on the shock/awe factor but then let her know we won't be friends and am gone for good.

 

What I'm asking is that...will NC possibly even be more of an advantage to me here because she never experienced it with an ex before?

[Danielle46]

Hey again,

 

Here's my take on the NC thing... If I were her, and my previous boyfriends were always drooling over me and keeping in close contact (maybe too close) after the relationship ended..and now all of a sudden, Ive broken it off with this guy and he isnt contacting me..I would be like "damn this is different" and it would probably require me to do some hardcore thinking and realization and really put myself in a position to think about what I've done. It's a common saying that we always want what we cant have... so the whole NC thing may be advantageous if she takes that time to really think things over.

 

I think everyone fears the 21st birthday of either gender...but also that really depends on the type of person that it is...sometimes 21 is just tough b/c it can be considered like a transition age... and sometimes people get caught up in the number...but also Mixwell has a point in saying that age may also have been a factor...it's also commonly known that women mature faster than men, but this isn't always true... she may have felt pressured a little knowing you're 29 and she just hit her twenties... maybe subconciously she felt like a greater commitment might possibly be on it's way and she wasn't sure if she would feel ready for that.

 

There's numerious possibilities and I know we probably, in both our situations, aren't getting the FULL story...but it's also possible they dont even know the full story to give it to us...they need time to figure out what that is.

 

I think she should appreciate the fact that you have built that trust factor, at least toward her. No one wants a controlling mate where you can't do what you want without them b*tching at you...(obviously with the given knowledge of limitations of that freedom). I know I appreciated that from my boyfriend and in time she'll learn to also.

 

Insecurity can do a lot...and it seems to always play a pretty big role in breaking down relationships. She needs to learn to be confident and learn how to trust someone who is worth trusting.

 

Like Mixwell said... you may learn from taking this time apart that you want something better for yourself...keep yourself in mind during this time and also provide yourself with time to evaluate your relationship and weigh the goods vs the bads and see if this is truly what you want. This takes time to do and with each passing day it will become easier to rationalize this whole situation, Im still working on it myself but every day I learn a little something about who we both are and what we both want.

 

Like I said, spend time with friends and focus on yourself. You seem to be a determined, intelligent & strong individual and someone will appreciate that!

 

Keep in mind you have more life experience than her and maybe she has a little catching up to do... hopefully you can be there to help her with it. =)

[pepper-c]

It's nice to have someone who is closer to her age that can relate. The truth of the matter is, there were a lot of times during the relationship that I'd see things in her I didn't like as far as what I was looking for in a woman. But I chalked it up to age, life experience and immaturity. When we first started dating and she thought I was going to break up with her all the time (yes, she is very insecure) she'd always say "right person, wrong time". And all i was going to tell her was we needed to slow it down. She went very fast in the beginning.

 

But there are other things too. She is not very educated, she grew up in the mountains, I grew up 10 minutes outside of NYC. But in the end, we had a connection that despite age, distance and background differences I wanted to be with her. I KNEW the grass isn't always greener on the other side and that is why I stayed with her. I wanted to appreciate her and love her like none of her past boyfriends could. (her first boyfriend of 4 years verbally abused her and acted like her parole officer).

 

Because she gave me unquestioned love in return. Problem is, she gave me a bunch of reasons for breaking up and I'm still playing them all out in my head. At first she blamed me for not giving her enough attention, but then I made her feel bad for blaming me and she just said she has a lot going on right now (which she does) and she ended it. She also said that she was looking for the perfect relationship and gave up when she found out that we weren't perfect. I told her that there was no such thing.

 

Anyway, all my family and friends tell me she is not the right girl for me due to the apparent emotional issues she has at this time. Eveny my therapist said that she needs to seek professional help. But that is my decision and I love her and we made a great pair together.

 

 

Oh, when we broke up she used the term several times "I didn't want it to come down to this but this is where we are...I'm sorry" several times. I think it was hard for her to pull the trigger on me. At first I must have made it look like a good decision when I kind of hung around and questioned her and eventually pissed her off one night for the first week afterwards, but I think in time she will forget about that, right? Does that also sound like she may have done this to get my attention??

[Danielle46]

Well if she did do this to "get your attention"..I think that's a bit childish. She should understand that you have things going on in your life aside from seeing her all the time...you have your education to be concerned with and THAT should always be your number one priority...b/c in the end, no matter what, you will have yourself & your education.

 

If she doesnt have an education like you, then it's probably a challenge for her to fully understand the work and hard effort it takes to obtain one.

 

Distance can always bring about issues and for her that issue was probably trust. Many woman have trouble trusting men b/c of all the stereotypes about them and how they cheat, blah blah blah, I'm sure you know them. But she has to learn to look past what the "normal" guy stereotype is and realize there ARE great men out there who don't fall into that category.

 

I think if you just give her space and time to think she will be more apt to realize what she's missing out on. By being there ALL THE TIME and everything, she may see you as a fall-back plan knowing that you'll be hanging on regardless.

 

I didn't want this to happen with my b/f either. As bad as I want to be there for him and speak to him every single day, I've come to the conclusion that I just can't do that...I need him to realize that if he is willing to break up with me then he is willing to risk losing me...and scaring them into that notion may be beneficial b/c they can then see what you really mean to them.

 

Only you can figure out for yourself whether or not this is the person you want to spend your life with. If you evaluate your situation and realize that there are certain things about her that you plainly could not live with, then maybe she isn't the right one for you... On the other hand, if you start to evaulate it and see that although there may be imperfections, you see them as mere trademarks of who she is, and love her for it, then it may be worth fighting for. By fighting for though, I dont mean pleading with her..sometimes giving space IS indeed a form of fighting for her.

 

One other point... you are absolutely right in saying there isn't such thing as a "perfect" relationship... just b/c people stay together for years and years doesn't mean they went all those years without enduring some sort of hardship. It's the ability to work through those hardships together that made them strong and gave them the will to last.

 

One thing I absolutely can promise you is that you will be happy again!!

[mixwell]

The thing is, I'm 29 and secure in myself and not jealous. She knows she can go out and do whatever and I won't be calling her or texting her asking her where she is or what she's doing. And most secure, well adjusted women appreciate a man who is not jealous and clingy. I think he takes it as in insult, however, and because I don't do this that I don't care. Because that is all she knew in her previous two relationships with the creepy losers she dated before me.

 

My point is, I understand the theory of turning 21 and not wanting committment. But short of going out and shoving her tongue down random dudes throats (which I know her and her family very well and like she has told me "i'm not a skank" )i have no problem with what she does when we are not together.

 

I think this is all in her head, to be honest. That she can't be 21 and also be in a relationship. She tells me about her friends who are grossly obsessed with their loser boyfriends....and you know what, she was grossly obsessed with me 3 months ago. Maybe she can't accept the fact that she can go out and do her thing AND still be with me at the same time. And if she can't do that, then maybe she really just does have issues and isn't ready to be with a mature, confident guy that has a lot going for him. Thats what all my friends think....that she couldn't handle being with me.

 

One more thing. Her past 2 exboyfriends stalked her and still do after she broke up with them. She has told me they are absolutely pathetic, but that is obviously what she has come to expect after she ends a relationship.

 

I was like that for a week after the Break up based on the shock/awe factor but then let her know we won't be friends and am gone for good.

 

What I'm asking is that...will NC possibly even be more of an advantage to me here because she never experienced it with an ex before?

 

Dude I am the same way !! I am not the jealous type and her 2 exs were crazy obsessive.. She said one of them would drive to her work and watch her so she thought of that as normal. So since I was trusting and easy going she took that as in I don't care. Its just an insecurity issue with HER. On the opposite hand my ex went nuts even when I would talk to co-workers that were females and she was VERY jealous/clingy.. We hung out like 6 out of 7 days and when I told her I wanted space to chill on my own of course that meant that I wasn't interested and I kept trying to tell her I was but that I am an independent person and enjoy having a few days to myself..

 

Trust me dude your chick is the same as my ex and it gets annoying real fast. If I may make the assumption I would guess your girl is pretty attractive and is used to get attention from other males ? My ex was one of the more attractive woman I've been with and when men like you and I are laid back it bugs them because we aren't putting them on a pedastal. My ex actually called me 3 times @ night and once in the morning which I thought was weird seeing as how she told me after I text her that things wouldn't work and she was seeing someone else. Maybe the fact that I am leaving her alone is mind boggling considering her last 2 ex b/f's were kinda psycho/ obsessive..

[pepper-c]

So last nite my roomate went on my ex's myspace/facebook and sure enough status is "in a relationship". Now, I know she has 2 ex boyfirends that still stalk her and now know she's single so she could be doing this to keep them away. Also, her and I were never friends on myspace cause i'm hardly ever on there, however, when we broke up i updated my page with new pictures and the status "MOVING ON AND HAVING FUN" and that I was rejuventated. If she sniffed a little on my page (mine is public) that may have pissed her off. My roomate and her are linked as friends on these websites so she knows that he would see her status and likely tell me.

 

However, while it could be false, my guess is that she is with someone new and I am going under that assumption. The kid is 22 if it is who my roomate thinks it is. Or it could be a girl...she said that she is interested in both guys and girls on her page and I know she has a thing for girls and has been with them in the past.

 

Well, at least now I know the truth. And it made me realize (after talking with friends and family) that she never really was the girl for me. Sure I liked her but I was just being selfish when she broke up with me because I couldn't have her anymore. The truth is, not only is there a big age difference, but she has the maturity level of a college freshman. And she's never been to college...never even gradaduated high school.

 

These are some of the things that bothered me about her. I guess if she really was the right one I would have made the effort not even knowing it. But she is like Mixwell's girl (yeah she's attractive and guys always hit on her). And like Mixwell said, he did spend all the time with her and did do all that **** and it still didn't work out. Why? Because girls that are that immature and insecure will never be satisfied because they have an insatiable need for attention.

 

I guess her breaking it off with me was a blessing in disguise. I never truly wanted to with her. I have just realized that my ego was bruised because she broke it off with me when I never thought she would. But truth be told....her neediness freaked me out on our 3rd date so much that i told all my friends about her.

 

I'm sorry that I just realized this. Danielle46, i'm sorry - you seem like you really love your boyfriend and I Hope things work out for you. As for me, I just need to find a way to heal my bruised ego and I'm sure once I do that this will be long forgotten.

 

Because she never loved me. Her emotional problems don't let her know what true love is. Who knows...maybe I don't know either. But I know she was infatuated with me for a few months and thats all. Thats what young insecure girls do.

 

So I'm walking away from this troubled young one. She sent me some random text this morning but I just ignored it. I have to admit that I never expected her to be with someone this soon and she promised me that there was no other guy and told me "IT IS YOUR BUSINESS" when I asked her. But I guess she saw that I wasn't going to sit around and be her emotional crutch (aka friend after breakup) to help her get through this easily so she found someone new to give her the attention that fulfills her. Also, I obviously gave her too much credit thinking that she'd be able to break up with me and not have anyone else around to be with. So on that one I was wrong. I actually pity her really.

 

But she's not my problem anymore. Now the next problem...how do you fix a bruised ego? I hope it's a lot easier than a broken heart.

[mixwell]

I'm glad you came to that realization. I think deep down I knew it wasn't going to work with my chick either but I guess I thought I could change her and make her more of a secure person but you cannot change someone that isn't willing to change themselves. In retrospect I'm glad I'm not with her because of all the crap we went through for being together such a short time but I still do miss her at times. With time it will get better and you shouldn't let an unstable young girl bruise your ego because she was the one that F'ed up the relationship most likely.. Its her loss. I feel sorry for the next guy your ex and mine are with.. haha I see it has not my burden anymore. Good Luck and think positive.

[Danielle46]

Hey again! Well Im glad that you have made a decision on what you're going to do. If she is with someone else already then that's really crappy of her. If someone truly, utterly cares for someone else then it shouldn't be soo easy to move on.

 

I do think age may have something to do with it... maybe not AGE necessarily, but the maturity of the person, obviously something she lacks..

 

She needs more time than some girls to learn about men, not boys, but men. Since she hasn't attended college, she hasn't really been given a chance to mature. I really feel that going to college and taking on THAT kind of responsibility can really mature someone. I have some friends that didn't go to college and it seems that their lives have been at a stand still ever since their last day of high school.

 

However, on a positive note, you seem like a really decent, intelligent, guy and I'm sure you will meet someone who will appreciate those qualities and who you can appreciate the same in them.

 

And thank you for your support through my whole situation. My boyfriend and I actually did end up working everything out. Ar first, I was skeptical on how it would turn out, but after not seeing me, or really speaking too much, for about 3 weeks, he came around and realized that he wanted to be with me and that he needed me in his life. Maybe he's learned to appreciate who I am and all that I do for him.

 

I wish nothing but the best for you...I am positive that one day, probably when you least expect it, you will meet someone that will completely turn your world upside down (in a good way of course). In the meantime though, if you still continue to post on here, I will check back with you to see how you are doing.

 

Again, best of luck with everything! =) It was so nice meeting you.

[coolchic]

I quickly read your post since it was quite lengthy, however, I couldn't help but notice the age gap there. I dated/lived with a guy for 7 yrs, and our differences stemmed from the age difference. It was a very painful breakup, but it seemed necessary at the time. I guess the point I am trying to make is that he is only 21 yrs old, and that is young, and men that are 21 are not mature and have not had the chance to live their life yet.

[mixwell]

I quickly read your post since it was quite lengthy, however, I couldn't help but notice the age gap there. I dated/lived with a guy for 7 yrs, and our differences stemmed from the age difference. It was a very painful breakup, but it seemed necessary at the time. I guess the point I am trying to make is that he is only 21 yrs old, and that is young, and men that are 21 are not mature and have not had the chance to live their life yet.

 

You must have quickly read the post because you would've noticed it was a SHE is 21 and HE is 29..

[Danielle46]

That's funny Mixwell....I thought the SAME thing! haha

[pepper-c]

I know I realize she and I are not right for eachother, however, I still miss her very much. It's even harder at work to focus because she used to call me and email me during the day...even after we first broke up.

 

I'm on 8 days no contact and it would have been 15 days had she not text me last Thursday telling me she got hired to a full time position at her job...i had the class to respond to congratulate her. I"m just constantly reminded of her throughout the day (she used work in my office for 3 months, that's how we first met).

 

Yesterday I thought I was free of this and ready to move on. I have a date scheduled for this Monday night and then possibly one (i hope) next saturday with someone else.

 

I keep thinking of her and her new rebound, i mean boyfriend, and it hurts even though this kid probably doesn't have much on me. All I know is he's not me and that is EXACTLY what she wants right now to help forget me. I know I"m stronger than her as a person but it's hard...really hard to prove it right now. Who knows, she may end up happily in love with him...that is what she is portraying on her myspace and facebook right now. But I know her feelings change quickly. I don't think she ever really got over me, even if she started distancing herself from me a month before the break up which in hindsight i think she did.

 

Anyway, I didn't plan on posting back here but while yesterday was good, today was rough and I"m getting nothing done at work. I'm unfortunately considering looking for a new job or going on medication. I just can't focus right now at work because I know she works for my company in another office and can shoot me an email anytime of day. REmember, she broke up with me over email while at work so it's kind of still traumatic.

 

I sound like a girl I know but it's rough right now.

[pepper-c]

So fast forward to yesterday after 10 days of no contact and she emails me talking about the football game (we are both fans and i have season tickets...she is jealous of that) and she said she may drop by my office next week and then she said "SO I GUESS YOU'LL HAVE TO FACE ME SOONER OR LATER". This does mean that she obviously is getting her car back or has gotten it back because I know she was relying on her dad for rides to work because I work with her dad.

 

This just baffles my mind. She has no reason to come to my office (trust me, she wouldn't drive out of the way to see her dad when she can see him back at home) other than to see me. Why is she seeking me out?

I think she just wants attention, she loves attention...she even admitted it to me. But is my going NC bothering her that much that she has to ambush me at work what she sees as a safe place on her terms?

 

Between her advertising her newfound happiness on myspace 2 weeks after we b/u with a guy not even her type, her still trying to reach out to me and threatening to come to my office so "I HAVE TO FACE HER", and the fact that I am confident that I am a complete catch and it's her loss, I'm willing to bet that she is not handling me being out of her life very well. Still, I don't think she wants me back, in fact I know she doesnt....not at this time. But the day may come, it may not. I'm not waiting....I'm already out seeing other girls.

 

What do you guys think?