kenm717 Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 This will not be a short read. I apologize in advance but I need answers. And I'm hoping with the full story, it will be much easier to get an accurate answer. Please let me know what you think I should do. I am in a horrendous situation and I'm looking for at least the opportunity to work things out with my girlfriend and to better understand what has happened. It is still very unclear. A brief history before I get into the actual situation: I was her boss in 2002. We have known each other since then. In the summer of 2007 we went on a few dates. Things felt like they were going well...we talked a lot and then suddenly she stopped talking to me. Nothing. I tried to reach her. Nothing. No explaination except for the fact she thought I was too old. She was 21; I was 27. She wasn't even willing to discuss it. Then in February of 2008 I got a text from her apologizing for being a "*****" and saying she "missed" talking to me. By April, I had asked her to be exclusive. Everything was fine until this past weekend. In the previous weeks we had a few misunderstandings. She wanted to go to her college (graduated in May of this year) to visit her friends. I did not want her to go because I had a very important show to do on the air and she promised she woudl be there. She told me I was trying to control her. 2 weeks later, she again wanted to go see her friends at school. What bothered me most was we had plans to go the following weekend. I also had planned a special surprise night out on the town...dinner and a show. I did not want to ruin it. So I told her over and over I didnt want her to go. While discussing this I told her I didnt like her going without me especially since we were going together the following weekend for a party. She explained it was different being with her friends when I was there..that she couldnt do certain things with her friends when I was there. Obviously..this didnt sit well. The arguments continued. By Wednesday, things were still kinda rough between us. We were still being physical, that never changed, and then later that night this came up while in bed and I finally told her I wasn't trying to control her. I just had plans for us to have a special surprise wekeend to celebrate our 6 month anniversary. She appeared to feel bad and told me she wasn't going to go see her friends. Thursday she texted saying she had to clean her room and hang with her family tonight so I may not hear from her. I got a text around 8:45 and she said "sorry Im not ignoring you...Im just busy. Im gonna go to the bathroom and head to bed. I love you baby." That said...Friday came around...she had a bridal shower to go to. She texted me during the day to say she was gonan go to the bar with them after the bridal shower. I said that was fine. I didnt hear from her until midnight. She texted saying she didnt realize it was going to be so late. I was heading over. She was asking if I was on my way...and texted "hurry up...im tired. where are you?" I wrote back..." doyou want me to turn around" and she said "noooooo" I got to her house..we went upstairs...and started fooling around. I tried to take her tank top off and she refused to let me do this. She was yelling at me over the tank top. She was claiming it was cold and she didnt wanna be cold. Of coruse...I didnt understand this..she gave into me...took it off. We went to bed after we mutually fooled around. In the morning...I asked her what we were doing that day..and she said she wasnt sure yet...she had to clean her room at her step moms. And I said...you todl me you did that on thursday. and she said no...I went out with my step mom. She then went down to breakfast. I didnt go with her. She came back upstairs and got onto the bed next to me and said...I cant do this anymore. And I said 'do what? Fight? or be in a relationship?" she said both. I then kinda whimpered almost and tried to hug her and ask why. She fought the hug first but then allowed it. I had to keep asking her to look at me. She kept covering her eyes. She gave me very little reason as to why this was occurring. She just said she needed space. The convo continued. She seemed very eager to get out of there. I figured out she was going to be going to ME to be with her friends at school (that she graduated from in May). She didnt wanna talk things out or anything. She just continued to tell me I was gonna keep her there til midnight. I didnt. I asked her if it was really over should I take my stuff and she said "do what you want." Through the whole thing...we said I love you many times..sometimes she didnt say it back..but it was returned. We also kissed and hugged even. I left on Saturday at 12 noon. Tuesday I sent an email and a text. The text said I had emailed and please check it. The email expalined my side. That I wasnt trying to control her and that I trusted her and wanted her to be happy. Etither way I ended the email letting her know I also recived a reference she must have signed me up to do for a job she was applying for. I asked her if she still wanted me to fill it out. she responded back to the email saying.."pelase fill it out..as for the other topic I need time to think about things." the approach being taken by me is to respect the space she requested. I last contacted her 3 days ago and did not plan to contact her from another 7 days. That didnt go well. I did contact her today telling her to have a good weekend with her friends and that I hoped we could talk when she returned. no answer. -- That said, our close friends had invited her as my guest to a wedding their child was having. she had agreed to go. in fact she showed my mom and sisters the dress 2 weeks ago. everything seemed fine. this past weekend, when the "I need space" talk came up I did ask where she stood on the wedding. If she would please still come...she said "maybe." I still am unsure if we are even officially apart. we aren't talking..and this makes me very sad and confused but I have yet to see any 100% clear obvious signs that it is over. I have contacted her by email and she wanted more time. I can respect those wishes. I just wonder about the wedding. I want someone to come with me. But she said maybe...I feel she needs to be asked again or is that the wrong approach?. Call..email..text...and waht do I say? I really want to work through this. This time apart really has made me see the errors and wrong doings on my end. It's definitely both ways...no one is perfect. I still am unsure how to handle the wedding situation. She came over and tried the dress on. My parents told her it was perfect. She was ready to go to the wedding next weekend. I contacted her on Tuesday with an email and a call with my apologies hoping to know what was going on. All I got out of her was that she needed time to think about things. And when I say that's all I got..her email said just that: I need more time to think about things. I texted on Friday and told her "just thinking about you. hope you have a great weekend with your friends and I hope we can talk when you get back" She hasn't said a word. No replies. I'm confused wish NC approach I should take...apologizing and saying Im going into no contact or just falling off the face of the earth. I also wonder if limited contact would be a good approach too. I say this because she still has not told me, one way or the other, if this is a break up, break, or even if we are just in a bad fight. She wont talk. Her being 22 probably plays into this....but there is nothing in the book about a girl who wont reply much or at all. Most examples point to situations where the two got to talk. We did get to talk for 30 mins after she talked to me...but that wasnt nearly enough. So does anyone know how I should handle this? Should I bother asking her to come to the wedding? She was planning on it. She knows how important it was....I also have no clue which approaches should be used because of the way she shuts things out to avoid confrontation. She does this with all people...not just me. Stubborn defense of ignoring pressing issues and running away. Please help.
northstar1 Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 This will not be a short read. I apologize in advance but I need answers. And I'm hoping with the full story, it will be much easier to get an accurate answer. Please let me know what you think I should do. I am in a horrendous situation and I'm looking for at least the opportunity to work things out with my girlfriend and to better understand what has happened. It is still very unclear. A brief history before I get into the actual situation: I was her boss in 2002. We have known each other since then. In the summer of 2007 we went on a few dates. Things felt like they were going well...we talked a lot and then suddenly she stopped talking to me. Nothing. I tried to reach her. Nothing. No explaination except for the fact she thought I was too old. She was 21; I was 27. She wasn't even willing to discuss it. Then in February of 2008 I got a text from her apologizing for being a "*****" and saying she "missed" talking to me. By April, I had asked her to be exclusive. Everything was fine until this past weekend. In the previous weeks we had a few misunderstandings. She wanted to go to her college (graduated in May of this year) to visit her friends. I did not want her to go because I had a very important show to do on the air and she promised she woudl be there. She told me I was trying to control her. 2 weeks later, she again wanted to go see her friends at school. What bothered me most was we had plans to go the following weekend. I also had planned a special surprise night out on the town...dinner and a show. I did not want to ruin it. So I told her over and over I didnt want her to go. While discussing this I told her I didnt like her going without me especially since we were going together the following weekend for a party. She explained it was different being with her friends when I was there..that she couldnt do certain things with her friends when I was there. Obviously..this didnt sit well. The arguments continued. By Wednesday, things were still kinda rough between us. We were still being physical, that never changed, and then later that night this came up while in bed and I finally told her I wasn't trying to control her. I just had plans for us to have a special surprise wekeend to celebrate our 6 month anniversary. She appeared to feel bad and told me she wasn't going to go see her friends. Thursday she texted saying she had to clean her room and hang with her family tonight so I may not hear from her. I got a text around 8:45 and she said "sorry Im not ignoring you...Im just busy. Im gonna go to the bathroom and head to bed. I love you baby." That said...Friday came around...she had a bridal shower to go to. She texted me during the day to say she was gonan go to the bar with them after the bridal shower. I said that was fine. I didnt hear from her until midnight. She texted saying she didnt realize it was going to be so late. I was heading over. She was asking if I was on my way...and texted "hurry up...im tired. where are you?" I wrote back..." doyou want me to turn around" and she said "noooooo" I got to her house..we went upstairs...and started fooling around. I tried to take her tank top off and she refused to let me do this. She was yelling at me over the tank top. She was claiming it was cold and she didnt wanna be cold. Of coruse...I didnt understand this..she gave into me...took it off. We went to bed after we mutually fooled around. In the morning...I asked her what we were doing that day..and she said she wasnt sure yet...she had to clean her room at her step moms. And I said...you todl me you did that on thursday. and she said no...I went out with my step mom. She then went down to breakfast. I didnt go with her. She came back upstairs and got onto the bed next to me and said...I cant do this anymore. And I said 'do what? Fight? or be in a relationship?" she said both. I then kinda whimpered almost and tried to hug her and ask why. She fought the hug first but then allowed it. I had to keep asking her to look at me. She kept covering her eyes. She gave me very little reason as to why this was occurring. She just said she needed space. The convo continued. She seemed very eager to get out of there. I figured out she was going to be going to ME to be with her friends at school (that she graduated from in May). She didnt wanna talk things out or anything. She just continued to tell me I was gonna keep her there til midnight. I didnt. I asked her if it was really over should I take my stuff and she said "do what you want." Through the whole thing...we said I love you many times..sometimes she didnt say it back..but it was returned. We also kissed and hugged even. I left on Saturday at 12 noon. Tuesday I sent an email and a text. The text said I had emailed and please check it. The email expalined my side. That I wasnt trying to control her and that I trusted her and wanted her to be happy. Etither way I ended the email letting her know I also recived a reference she must have signed me up to do for a job she was applying for. I asked her if she still wanted me to fill it out. she responded back to the email saying.."pelase fill it out..as for the other topic I need time to think about things." the approach being taken by me is to respect the space she requested. I last contacted her 3 days ago and did not plan to contact her from another 7 days. That didnt go well. I did contact her today telling her to have a good weekend with her friends and that I hoped we could talk when she returned. no answer. -- That said, our close friends had invited her as my guest to a wedding their child was having. she had agreed to go. in fact she showed my mom and sisters the dress 2 weeks ago. everything seemed fine. this past weekend, when the "I need space" talk came up I did ask where she stood on the wedding. If she would please still come...she said "maybe." I still am unsure if we are even officially apart. we aren't talking..and this makes me very sad and confused but I have yet to see any 100% clear obvious signs that it is over. I have contacted her by email and she wanted more time. I can respect those wishes. I just wonder about the wedding. I want someone to come with me. But she said maybe...I feel she needs to be asked again or is that the wrong approach?. Call..email..text...and waht do I say? I really want to work through this. This time apart really has made me see the errors and wrong doings on my end. It's definitely both ways...no one is perfect. I still am unsure how to handle the wedding situation. She came over and tried the dress on. My parents told her it was perfect. She was ready to go to the wedding next weekend. I contacted her on Tuesday with an email and a call with my apologies hoping to know what was going on. All I got out of her was that she needed time to think about things. And when I say that's all I got..her email said just that: I need more time to think about things. I texted on Friday and told her "just thinking about you. hope you have a great weekend with your friends and I hope we can talk when you get back" She hasn't said a word. No replies. I'm confused wish NC approach I should take...apologizing and saying Im going into no contact or just falling off the face of the earth. I also wonder if limited contact would be a good approach too. I say this because she still has not told me, one way or the other, if this is a break up, break, or even if we are just in a bad fight. She wont talk. Her being 22 probably plays into this....but there is nothing in the book about a girl who wont reply much or at all. Most examples point to situations where the two got to talk. We did get to talk for 30 mins after she talked to me...but that wasnt nearly enough. So does anyone know how I should handle this? Should I bother asking her to come to the wedding? She was planning on it. She knows how important it was....I also have no clue which approaches should be used because of the way she shuts things out to avoid confrontation. She does this with all people...not just me. Stubborn defense of ignoring pressing issues and running away. Please help. My first impression is that she's young and doesn't know what she wants. She wants to party with her friends and have the freedom to do what she wants when she wants without responsibility. Doesn't sound like she's ready for a serious relaitonship or handling things in any mature fashion, a product of her being 22. My advice - she wants time to think about things? give it to her by moving on and not contacting her.
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