btc8 Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 So, this guy and I have been exclusive for about four months. Not a long time really, I know, but I brought up the idea of exclusivity, and he accepted, saying he had 'grown very fond of me thus far.' So, moving things along a little, due to our schedules and the fact that we live on opposite ends of the city, we were only able to devote really one day a week to each other. This was fine with me, but later into the relationship I tried to introduce the possibility of seeing each other maybe twice a week, and I'd go out to him. He said he was open to the idea, but his response sounded as though it was strained, and I decided just to drop the issue. The past few weeks I've noticed a rift that has grown between us. I wanted to take the relationship to the next level, but he wanted to take things slowly, urging that his past relationships have always ended prematurely because he's gone too fast. I will admit: I am too guilty of moving quickly, and the idea of moving slowly did bother me to no uncertain end. And then when I spoke to him this evening, I find that his uncertainty is keeping him at bay, stating that he hasn't been 'struck' yet by the feeling to progress to the next level with us, and that he has been sensing the rift growing between us, and he knows that I'm ready, but he's not sure yet. So, at this point, I ask him what we're doing together then? If he's not ready yet, then is it really fair for me to be wait for him? Of course, I voiced this, and he said that he wouldn't be with me if he didn't think that he be able to move the relationship to another level. To which he quips he needs some time to step back from the situation to think about what he wants, and that we'd talk in the next few days. At this point, I guess I feel as though I expected this to happen (or perhaps it's not hit me yet because I'm souped up on antihistamines because I'm battling a sinus infection), but part of me is mad at myself for bringing up this mess, and the other part of me is mad at him for dragging me along through his 'uncertainty'. I guess part of me has already made a decision along the lines of whatever he says, I've already distanced myself from the situation and despite his upcoming response of what he wants, I am coming to the grips that I don't want to be in a one-sided relationship. I mean, it's futile, isn't it? Please, I need some of your advice! Thanks
Meet 4 Coffee Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 I'm sorry but you've already blown it with this guy by taking the man's role. Might as well break it off now. it will never progress where you want it because you didn't let the man set the pace. You were too anxious and pushy. All the challenge and fun for the guy was taken away by your aggressiveness.
Author btc8 Posted October 26, 2008 Author Posted October 26, 2008 I'm sorry but you've already blown it with this guy by taking the man's role. Might as well break it off now. it will never progress where you want it because you didn't let the man set the pace. You were too anxious and pushy. All the challenge and fun for the guy was taken away by your aggressiveness. You may be correct; however, the prototypical/cultural roles of what the man does in terms of the relationship do not really apply here, as we both are men. I'm not going to disregard your advice, as posting on here to get advice is why I posted. I definitely admit that I put some pressure on him, but he agreed, and wanted, the exclusivity of the relationship. So, subconsciously, I can definitely see how I may have been projecting how I wanted this relationship to be on the current one, and how this may have scared him off.
Meet 4 Coffee Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 I am sorry for assuming. Yes, I think you just have to back off for a while and let him come to you when he's ready. I'm pulling for you and I hope it works out as you really seem to care for him.
Author btc8 Posted October 26, 2008 Author Posted October 26, 2008 I am sorry for assuming. Yes, I think you just have to back off for a while and let him come to you when he's ready. I'm pulling for you and I hope it works out as you really seem to care for him. No apologies needed. In fact, thanks for your wishes. I can say that I felt like I have been more 'into' this relationship than he has, but he has said on many occasions that he cares for me. I think I was just pushing too hard, and it all came to a head last night. But I realize that he may not be that 'into' me, but his actions up to this point, like always making time for me and talking most days, just echoes the fact that it's me who has some problems here with the pace of this relationship. Thanks for your advice: I am planning on backing off.
jason83 Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 I've been through similar situations where the other person isn't sure so I can relate. I think you're doing exactly what you need to do! You voiced your opinion and spoke up. Communication must be key in any relationship. Better to find out NOW than 3 months from now when you've invested more of your emotions into this. Today is YOUR day. Make it yours. Do what makes you happy and what you want to do. Try not to even think about him. When he calls, listen to what he has to say and go from there. But take care of yourself first. Good luck and hope the sinus infection improves!!
Author btc8 Posted October 26, 2008 Author Posted October 26, 2008 I've been through similar situations where the other person isn't sure so I can relate. I think you're doing exactly what you need to do! You voiced your opinion and spoke up. Communication must be key in any relationship. Better to find out NOW than 3 months from now when you've invested more of your emotions into this. Today is YOUR day. Make it yours. Do what makes you happy and what you want to do. Try not to even think about him. When he calls, listen to what he has to say and go from there. But take care of yourself first. Good luck and hope the sinus infection improves!! Thanks for your advice! I'm doing just that: trying to do things that make me forget about him for a little bit. I blame the antihistamines for getting me into a tizzy (well, not really, because this was surely more my doing than OTC drugs, but they did make me feel very drowsy and this morning I'm wondering why I said the things I did). On a further note, what ended up happening in your situation if you mind my asking?
jason83 Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 The one situation she walked away from the relationship. So it was great that I took that time for me to go ahead and begin my healing process. The other, she called me back within 24 hours saying how she didn't want to go without talking to me like that ever again...and so far we've been happy for almost 9 months now
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