Sapphire_Phoenix Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 Hello everyone First of all, I just want to say how much this site has helped me during this really hard time Just by reading through the threads and discussions others have been having, it has taken my mind of things that are going on in my own life, so I am really thankful to everyone sharing their own problems and hardships that they are going through. I'm glad we all have this 'safe haven' to come to, to help us make sense of it all. Now then, big speech over Here is my story, pull up a chair and get comfy: I ended things with my boyfriend, my first love, the (I thought) love of my life 3 years ago. Because I was young and having a nervous breakdown and didn't want to drag him down to drown in my suffering with me. I believe true love is selfless and I truly loved him, so let him go. The hardest thing I've ever done. Approximately a year later I was fully recovered and we were always in touch be it via email, text, or talking on IM. He got a new girlfriend but his relationships never worked out because, I guess, he was still in love with me. So fast forward to last January we had been out of touch for about half a year and he was HEAVY on my mind, but I tried to keep my distance because he was with a new woman. But for some reason we just KEPT on running into each other. This never ever happened in the year I recovered from my depression, it was very strange to me that this kept happening. I kept putting it down to coincidence and tried to get him out of my mind. Until one evening I was out of town in a different city, one where he would have no business being, and we then ran into eachother again. We kind of stood still in the hallway for a while in disbelief but then I ran off (lol) I dont know why I did that. I think it was because mainly I was very shocked and couldn't face him because my feelings for him came straight back and he was their with his new girlfriend. Ever since that evening he was never far from my thoughts and I wondered if he was ok these days. The defining moment came when I was in the kitchen and my radio (that up to that point I thought was broken) suddenly switched on and began playing a song I had never heard before by an artist called Bill Witheres. The song was called 'Hello, like before' and the words to that song made me get a lump in my throat. It was extremely eerie to hear that song (about a second chance at love) I couldn't control myself and I got hold of his number from a mutual friend. Ever since that day we were in contact and he broke up with his girlfriend. Everything came back straight away within moments of talking to one another, it was like nothing had even changed. Eventually we were spending every single waking moment together, it was lovely I had my best friend back and so did he. My family were glad to have him around again, as were his, in regard to me. But his mood started to change, even though he would always reassure me he loved me and only me, he developed depression and anxiety attacks and since then everything changed. He told me he does want to get back together permanently but right now he is very troubled (mentally) because of his depression and anxiety. Even though he was battling his issues, he would always talk about 'when we're married' 'when we move in together' 'when we have our first baby together' and made it clear that even though he is going through emotional and mental problems now, that I he wants a future with me. But cant help what he is going through at the moment. So, 2 weeks ago I began to distance myself from him. It was becoming unbearable to be with him, but not 'with' him. He said he wants to get back together officially, but doesn't know when that date will be. I refrained from even so much a texting him. And within 4 days he tried texting me and calling, but I ignored it. He then resorted to contacting my family to find out what was going on with me. A few days later he rang me off a new number and I answered it (not realizing it was him' His voice and whole behavior was different. His voice was breaking as he spoke and he kept going quiet, he said that he hasn't been to work and had been crying that night because he thought he had lost me because I wont talk to him. I explained to him why I had distanced myself from him and that it was for my own emotional well-being. We then talked very deeply about everything for about 2 hours, he hadn't spoken to me on such a personal level since when we first were in a relationship and it was a big eye opener about what was going on with him and how he felt about me. A few days later he began texting me again and, probably against my better judgement, I let him come over to my place. We spoke about everything and he told me how much he missed me and wanted to get back together officially. He asked me repeatedly to make it official and be his girlfriend again, he said he wanted to tell the world that we were back together forever and would do whatever he had to to work it out. I repeatedly turned him down, because I knew in my heart after the euphoria of being reunited had died down, he might not be so sure. They were the words I had wanted to hear for months, but when they came, it was like an anti climax. Instead I said to him, if his feelings were true, then prove it with actions not words, and then in a few months if everything is ok, we can be together officially again. The days following he would text/call me, come over, stay the night and be with me (I am very traditional and don't believe in sex before marriage, so nothing of any naughty nature was going on ) and so on. But inside I didn't truly believe it and began to withdraw into myself and distance myself from him. I purposely did not contact him in any form and 5 days went by with no contact, I was doing ok getting on with things until he texted me last night and said: ''Your my best friend and the only woman I have been in love with and the only woman who I will ever feel that way for. I cant help how I feel and what I am going through at the moment. I just want you to wait for me, please. I love you x'' I did not reply back. I don't know what I am asking here, I guess I just needed to vent. Hmmm.. What are everyone else's 2 cents on the situation and possibly where do I go from here? Being away from him hurts more than I can even describe.
UnamedSeven Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 I apologize in advance because i may skip around here and there so try to bear with me My first thought that came to me, was when he started to act all depressed. I got the intention that he didn't fully get over his previous girlfriend. I'm not exactly sure if thats the case, but that would give him something to feel bad about. From what it sounds like, hes as madly in love as i was. It makes me feel that what he is saying, is very true. That, you may be the only person out there for him (from what he believes). So, with every little thing that goes on, (when you went NC), he thought it was his fault. Even just the slightest damage done to him, is far more painful than almost anything else. So i URGE you to respond to him. He has to be feeling terrible since you haven't responded to his text and is under the impression that he did something wrong (By saying everything he said in the text) Keep me posted on everything so that i can help in the Future!
Author Sapphire_Phoenix Posted October 26, 2008 Author Posted October 26, 2008 Thanks so much for your reply I really appreciate it. I think his depression stems from issues in his past that have long troubled him and now they are coming to the surface. I dont think it has very much, if at all, to do with his ex. I'm not trying to hurt him at all, I would never want that. Its just too painful for me to be around him or even talk to him, while knowing that we cant be properly together, if you know what I mean?? I waited 6 months for him to make it official again and during that time I had to swallow my pride, while he dated other girls (To his credit he only went on one date, but it still hurt you know? ) It was my own fault though, I only blame myself for allowing the situation to be what it was. I was just letting my heart cloud my judgement. But now I just felt like I was waiting for nothing, kind of like waiting in vain. Even though, I guess, on some level, I know it wont be like this forever. I do want to speak to him, but I just feel I will be disappointed again and nothing will have changed and I'll be back to square one of feeling like crap.
ChickenAce Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 Theres a lot that is missing. I do believe true love is selfless but sometimes i think we are human and its okay to be selfish or you would just be giving of yourself to everyone and forgetting yourself. I think life is a gift, there is giving and taking and you got to try to balance. If every girl out there who wanted me i also wanted or didn't want id be a pretty selfless guy if i was just giving. It would be surrendering sex and just giving sex. But the best beauty is when 2 ppl are giving and 2 are receiving ie: your giving to him hes giving to you and you both end up winners. Lately, I been sufferring cos i want to turn down lot of girls and I'm not so good with this sort of thing. In fact I suck at it. You got to be honest with yourself if you want the guy or not and when you are clear deal with it appropriately.
Federica Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 When responding to posts, there is no need to include the entire previous post. Quote pertinent passages if needs be, but if you're just quoting for the sake of it, it's unnecessary and takes up thread space. Thanks guys!
UnamedSeven Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 Thanks so much for your reply I really appreciate it. I think his depression stems from issues in his past that have long troubled him and now they are coming to the surface. I dont think it has very much, if at all, to do with his ex. I'm not trying to hurt him at all, I would never want that. Its just too painful for me to be around him or even talk to him, while knowing that we cant be properly together, if you know what I mean?? I waited 6 months for him to make it official again and during that time I had to swallow my pride, while he dated other girls (To his credit he only went on one date, but it still hurt you know? ) It was my own fault though, I only blame myself for allowing the situation to be what it was. I was just letting my heart cloud my judgement. But now I just felt like I was waiting for nothing, kind of like waiting in vain. Even though, I guess, on some level, I know it wont be like this forever. I do want to speak to him, but I just feel I will be disappointed again and nothing will have changed and I'll be back to square one of feeling like crap. If you are able to give him a little more time, he can maybe get things straight. I'm pretty much confused but from what it looks like, just don't do anything yet. And yeah it hurts to know that somebody you like a lot is out with other people while you just sit back and watch how you get destroyed on the inside . You should tell him that once he gets his life in order, to come back so that there is room for the two of you, in the future.
Author Sapphire_Phoenix Posted October 26, 2008 Author Posted October 26, 2008 Thanks for everyone's advice, it has given me a lot to think about. ChickenAce - What you said is very true. You have to keep something for yourself or you will have nothing left. It is all about give and take, I agree. UnamedSeven - Thank you you have been very helpful. I will reply to his text and tell him that once he gets his life sorted there may be some hope for us in the future.
lakerlover Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 it is obvious that both of you still have feelings for each other. Maybe it is worth it to try to get back together.
NickP Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 if you're not there for him thru this difficult time, he might resent u for it! i understand where you're coming from when u say he needs to help himself, but ignoring his cries for some of your love is a lil cruel i think, especially since u clearly care about him. try to be there for him as a friend or a lil more, but make no promises. but be there. so that at least he wont have to deal with the problems of depression as well as the lost of his best friend (again!). just my 2 cents lol.
Author Sapphire_Phoenix Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 Thanks for the replies everyone. Nick P - You have really made me think. I don't want him to think I am 'abandoning' him during his hardship. Its just hard to be someones 'friend' when you are in love with them :S I think, possibly, what is needed is a discussion between me and him, what does everyone think about that? I know from reading other threads on here that meeting up and talking is generally discouraged, but I think my situation is somewhat different? Am I correct in thinking that, or am I looking at this with rose tinted glasses lol I need you lovely people to give me some clarification.
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