GoGators2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 It's been about a month and a half since breakup. I went NC for 3 weeks, then broke it last week, now on day 4 of NC again, she called me twice yesterday, ignored both calls, etc. etc. Strangely, I don't feel the urge to return the calls at all. I looked at it and was like "oh?" and just ignored it. I guess it's because I'm so busy these days cuz I'm making my moves for graduate school next year, etc., but I have no urge to contact her. Most people get hurt after being dumped, then they're so desperate to call the person and plead with them, but I guess when she hurt me I lost so much trust in her that I have no reason to confide in her, and in return, I have no reason to give her a person to confide in. I don't even know if I love her like I did before honestly. It used to be the part of me that wanted her back was stronger than the part of me that wanted to let her go, but now the part that wants to let it go is a lot more stronger than the other. Everybody said I can't go NC with her for more than a month, except one of my friends who said "I know you can do it" and I told him "u are the first person to tell me that and because of you I'll do it" and he said "no no don't do it for me, do it so you can move on with your life" and inside I was like "wow." The truth is, if you think outside of the happiness and your yearning for the relationship of the past, and look at the negative factors and the reasons why it's nearly impossible to get back together, it all makes sense on why the breakup was inevitable. In my case, if I do get back with her, jealousy and envy will drive me insane because she's in college that's not in my town and I will always wonder what she's doing, who she's doing it with, etc etc., and honestly the thought of that future pain of going through that misery and jealousy and agony if we did get back together, really put me in a different perspective about the relationship. I'm moving away in 9 months anyways, to a much bigger city, so these days I am sorta relieved that she broke it off with me sooner than later, when I think about how the future would've broken my heart time and time again EVEN if we had stayed together. Anyways, we'll see what happens.
Peter_pan Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 good post man, inspired my weakness i seem to have collected tonight. my mind likes to play with the idea of contacting her. yeah if you look at how it would probably be between you then i guess you know it wouldn't be worth it, so why is it worth worrying about, are you her friend now or plan on being in the future? you completely done and dont intend on looking back? how long were you with the ex? ta
Author GoGators2008 Posted October 26, 2008 Author Posted October 26, 2008 good post man, inspired my weakness i seem to have collected tonight. my mind likes to play with the idea of contacting her. yeah if you look at how it would probably be between you then i guess you know it wouldn't be worth it, so why is it worth worrying about, are you her friend now or plan on being in the future? you completely done and dont intend on looking back? how long were you with the ex? ta Well when I used to wanna contact her, I would immediately think about my future, me going away to a different city with different opportunities, about meeting that perfect girl that I had inside in my head, somebody that I could build a future with, and, truthfully, that was/is not my ex. Do I wanna be friends with her? Depends on what you call a friend. Somebody who she calls once a week to tell her sobbing stories to? Hell no. Maybe we can talk once a month or something like that but I don't plan on keeping in contact with her because I don't need her in my life because I'm so busy these days and all my friends are going through issues and I don't need her problems in my head either. Think about it like this. If you got dumped, especially if it was unexpected, you were caused great pain. Do you really wanna comfort the person that caused this great pain to you on purpose? I was with my ex for a year give or take and that was prolly one of the best times of my life, which is why it's so hard to let it go completely. But there are always better days ahead and my life is really just beginning and when I go to grad school my life will begin anew there again, with new people, new environment, new opportunities. When you have so much to look forward to, you really don't have time to look back and wish for the past to come back somehow...so have something to look forward to, ur future.
maxmuscle Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 GoGator, Nice post. My relationship ended after 3 years. And after painfully analyzing the whole thing. I thought to myself, do I really want to put myself through a vicious cycle of hurt, pain, and questioning? We are currently living together and its the absolute worst feeling in the world to see the relationship at it's current state. I found me an apartment, and i will be leaving within the next week. I want happiness! It takes a great deal of courage to go through the flames, fire, and burnt coal of NC. But once you make it. You are shinning like a damn diamond. I've been through this misery before and it took me an extra two years on top of the 5 years we were together to get over her because I stayed in contact with her.
IcemanJB Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 When you have so much to look forward to, you really don't have time to look back and wish for the past to come back somehow...so have something to look forward to, ur future. Oh man this is golden. I came to this realization last night. I too am about to finish up my undergrad and just split with my ex. I've fought countless urges to contact her (she has contacted me a couple times though), and having something in the future to look forward to helps a lot. For me I've ALWAYS dreamed of being an Air Force pilot, and even though my chances are slim I'm going to go after it once I finish my degree. This would obviously require my moving and training across the country. My ex is one of 2 people that knows this (my parents don't even know I'm seriously considering this), and she said something like: "I really really hope you get the pilot slot." while crying, a few days after we broke up. That definitely jerked some tears, but I fought the urge and didn't say much more to her after that... Other than that I may be going to Germany for 4 weeks next summer, just since I'll have 4 semesters of German by then and I'll get uni credits for it. I still miss her like crazy and have no hard feelings toward her; All I'm saying is what Gator said: having something to look forward to and move to helps so much.
MichiganMan222 Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Oh man this is golden.. Yep, I have an old flame wanting to try to be with me again. She was the one that, with me, mutually agreed to end our relationship 2 years ago. We both got new SO's and have been with them for 2 years. The chemistry never went away. So I have that to look forward to. Its just gonna take some time.
selena_cat Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 hey Gator, wonder if your name is referring to teh Gator'sin lafayette Louisiana anyway, i want to say that youre doing fine and keep going strong in NC. I know it can be tough,and i myself is going on almost 7 months on NC, yes i still think about him and wonder if i can get away with maybe breaking NC, i almost did it once on a chain e-mail. but like you said, you finally see the reality of the situation and the negative side of the relationship that NC in a way is the only option. You must be excited moving to a new city and you'll have great opportunity to meet new people. i realize that NC not only helps moving on and open yourself up to new adventure and hopefully meeting someone way better. Just got to shake the dust off your feet and move one like I finally am doing,,i have a date lined up tomorrow evening, Hopefully you'll be posting about your new date in your new environment! best of luck,and keep us posted
Author GoGators2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Author Posted October 28, 2008 hey Gator, wonder if your name is referring to teh Gator'sin lafayette Louisiana anyway, i want to say that youre doing fine and keep going strong in NC. I know it can be tough,and i myself is going on almost 7 months on NC, yes i still think about him and wonder if i can get away with maybe breaking NC, i almost did it once on a chain e-mail. but like you said, you finally see the reality of the situation and the negative side of the relationship that NC in a way is the only option. You must be excited moving to a new city and you'll have great opportunity to meet new people. i realize that NC not only helps moving on and open yourself up to new adventure and hopefully meeting someone way better. Just got to shake the dust off your feet and move one like I finally am doing,,i have a date lined up tomorrow evening, Hopefully you'll be posting about your new date in your new environment! best of luck,and keep us posted "Go Gators" usually refers to one thing and it's not in Louisiana. I'm a week into my new NC, my ex has called 3 times and texted me 3 times asking why I don't answer her anymore. It sucks to be honest cuz I'm tempted to text her back but then I just think about all the times she ignored my phone calls when we were going through our break up. It's all good though, too many beautiful girls out there to be trippin about somebody who dumped me that is 2 hours away.
selena_cat Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 interesting,you called her and she ignored your txts,or calls and now she's calling you. what a push pull mentality, i believe what goes around comes around, thats the right attitude i liked what you said, just like i would say about my ex, too many cute guys in this world to be tripping about a zero when i can get me a hero!
Author GoGators2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 3 weeks of NC and it's really easy, if you focus on the bad and not the good, it's really easy basic psychology, if u associate bad(pain) whenever u think about somebody, u don't wanna think about that person because humans are inclined to avoid pain on the other hand, if u associate good(pleasure) whenever u think about somebody, well u know where that goes
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