Author TheTallOne Posted November 1, 2008 Author Posted November 1, 2008 UPDATE: Well, we met up at her house. (She was about 25 minutes late from running out, I wasn't happy... but bit my tongue) Sat down. I just explained to her that I wanted clarification from all the txts back in September. She went from 0 to 100 in Defensive. She practically blamed me for taking it the way I did. She said that she "talks to all her guy friends like that". She said that she tells her guy friends that she gets more "sexual" when she drinks. I said that is fine... but what she did was tell me she was CRAVING sex at that moment and wanted it. That is a little different than just discussing sex. The next Friday is when her friend was involved. I told her that I didn't even know her, and she just went from 0-100 in txting me some heavy innuendo. I told her it was a form of dick teasing. She said it was not. I asked if "Are you saying that if I went over to where you guys were, your friend would have slept with me?". "No, she wouldn't, she was just being a goof ball". I told her that the definition of dick teasing is to get a rise out of someone with no intention of doing anything about it. There is more, but that was the gist of the conversation. She just was extremely defensive, as if it is my fault that I took it in the way she portrayed it to be. How anyone can NOT take it that way, I have no idea. After I knew that it wasn't going to get any better, I just said "Thanks for clarifying". Got up, asked how the TV is.. and left. She never walked me out/anything else. What a bitch. It is over, time to move on.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 Well, I think she probably liked you initially. She sent those texts to feel you out, perhaps. Then your response was that you seemed to be very offended by these texts, to the point that you wanted to set up a "meeting" to tell her how awful she was to send them. I can see why she was defensive! My question is, why didn't you just let it alone? She stopped contacting you for a while after you initially confronted her about it, right? You could have just let it drop. Methinks you made a mountain out of a molehill. But that's just my 2 cents.
Author TheTallOne Posted November 1, 2008 Author Posted November 1, 2008 Well, I think she probably liked you initially. She sent those texts to feel you out, perhaps. Then your response was that you seemed to be very offended by these texts, to the point that you wanted to set up a "meeting" to tell her how awful she was to send them. I can see why she was defensive! My question is, why didn't you just let it alone? She stopped contacting you for a while after you initially confronted her about it, right? You could have just let it drop. Methinks you made a mountain out of a molehill. But that's just my 2 cents. It happened more than a month ago. It was nagging at me, and before I start something that will consume my life for up to a year (job related), I wanted to clarify what she was talking about. She still contacted me, just not in that way. Regardless, it is over. Time to drop it. Thanks for the feedback.
carhill Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 OP, glad to hear you got your closure and if I could provide one tiny bit of advice for the future. It is fruitless to reconcile a woman's feelings about anything with any aspect of male logic. Sorry, been fighting that one a lifetime and it doesn't happen. Her feelings will always be right even if/when she is so obviously wrong. That's just the way it is You could revisit this subject 1000 times and she would never see it your way. All she hears is "bla, bla, bla" A woman who loves you will make you feel like she's seeing it your way. That's her gift to you
Author TheTallOne Posted November 1, 2008 Author Posted November 1, 2008 A woman who loves you will make you feel like she's seeing it your way. That's her gift to you Heck, I'd settle on just a friend doing that. Which she seems to be lacking. Easier to know and hate to get over... then wonder and try to get over.
You'reasian Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 UPDATE: Well, we met up at her house. (She was about 25 minutes late from running out, I wasn't happy... but bit my tongue) Sat down. I just explained to her that I wanted clarification from all the txts back in September. She went from 0 to 100 in Defensive. She practically blamed me for taking it the way I did. She said that she "talks to all her guy friends like that". She said that she tells her guy friends that she gets more "sexual" when she drinks. I said that is fine... but what she did was tell me she was CRAVING sex at that moment and wanted it. That is a little different than just discussing sex. The next Friday is when her friend was involved. I told her that I didn't even know her, and she just went from 0-100 in txting me some heavy innuendo. I told her it was a form of dick teasing. She said it was not. I asked if "Are you saying that if I went over to where you guys were, your friend would have slept with me?". "No, she wouldn't, she was just being a goof ball". I told her that the definition of dick teasing is to get a rise out of someone with no intention of doing anything about it. There is more, but that was the gist of the conversation. She just was extremely defensive, as if it is my fault that I took it in the way she portrayed it to be. How anyone can NOT take it that way, I have no idea. After I knew that it wasn't going to get any better, I just said "Thanks for clarifying". Got up, asked how the TV is.. and left. She never walked me out/anything else. What a bitch. It is over, time to move on. She got called out and tried to play her usual head games Did we date the same female?
D-Lish Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 Not only do I agree with Cb and think you made a mountain out of a molehill.... You sound incredibly uptight!!!! So she came on to you, made some sexual comments when she was drinking- whatever! The fact that you actually set up a meeting to "confront her" about something silly that happened 2 months ago was completely ridiculous and off the wall. I would have gotten defensive too- but I also would have thought you were a complete weirdo. So what- she probably had some drunken moments when she was trying to let you know she wanted to sleep with her. Not only did you shoot her down and make a big deal about it.... but you actually "called a meeting" to bring it up again (which would embarrass her hugely) and indirectly shoot her down again. I don't know what your deal is... but it's strange for sure.
Author TheTallOne Posted November 1, 2008 Author Posted November 1, 2008 She got called out and tried to play her usual head games Did we date the same female? ****, at least you dated "your" female.
Author TheTallOne Posted November 1, 2008 Author Posted November 1, 2008 So what- she probably had some drunken moments when she was trying to let you know she wanted to sleep with her. Not only did you shoot her down and make a big deal about it.... but you actually "called a meeting" to bring it up again (which would embarrass her hugely) and indirectly shoot her down again. She knows I don't sleep with people I don't date. However, the temptation was still there. It is like dangling a piece of meat in front of a dog and expect him not to get angry when he can't get it. It is my fault that I didn't confront this when she first started on the first night. (Ie, so, if you're craving it, I'll be over after work!) As, I bet she would have felt she was called on it and it wouldn't have escalated from there. That is my fault.
carhill Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 I don't know what your deal is... but it's strange for sure. I kinda do, because I tended to over-analyze the minutiae of relationships when I was his age. I was way too serious for my own good. Very black and white. Also, I think he's just out of a relationship, so perhaps sensitive to "head games" or the perception thereof. It'll pass...
Author TheTallOne Posted November 1, 2008 Author Posted November 1, 2008 Also, I think he's just out of a relationship, so perhaps sensitive to "head games" or the perception thereof. It'll pass... That could be true also. And I didn't start this ball rolling.... if I had, then I would blame myself for even starting it.
carhill Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 And I didn't start this ball rolling.... if I had, then I would blame myself for even starting it LOL, yeah, one day a woman will (or at least attempt to) make you believe you not only started the ball rolling but built it all by yourself
D-Lish Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 I kinda do, because I tended to over-analyze the minutiae of relationships when I was his age. I was way too serious for my own good. Very black and white. Also, I think he's just out of a relationship, so perhaps sensitive to "head games" or the perception thereof. It'll pass... Well- yes, the words too serious do come to mind. I don't see where the head games are coming from though. I think she probably had a thing for you OP. She obviously had a crush, then had too much to drink and pulled a stupid.... Then I am sure she was incredibly embarrassed after realizing the interest wasn't returned. So to call a meeting and reinforce that the interest isn't there, further chastise her for what she did must have made her feel humiliated and rejected all over again. That's all I am saying. I would have been defensive too.
Author TheTallOne Posted November 1, 2008 Author Posted November 1, 2008 Well- yes, the words too serious do come to mind. I don't see where the head games are coming from though. I think she probably had a thing for you OP. She obviously had a crush, then had too much to drink and pulled a stupid.... Then I am sure she was incredibly embarrassed after realizing the interest wasn't returned. So to call a meeting and reinforce that the interest isn't there, further chastise her for what she did must have made her feel humiliated and rejected all over again. That's all I am saying. I would have been defensive too. Would you have told me a couple weeks prior that you don't date younger guys however? Cuz, if I was interested before then... I wouldn't have been afterwards.
You'reasian Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 Would you have told me a couple weeks prior that you don't date younger guys however? Cuz, if I was interested before then... I wouldn't have been afterwards. She wouldn't have told you that before, the anti-younger guy thing came up after you guys hooked up and she got her fill.
Author TheTallOne Posted November 1, 2008 Author Posted November 1, 2008 She wouldn't have told you that before' date=' the anti-younger guy thing came up after you guys hooked up and she got her fill.[/quote'] Ahhhh, after I was... uh, used?
carhill Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 Would you have told me a couple weeks prior that you don't date younger guys however? Cuz, if I was interested before then... I wouldn't have been afterwards. Yes, IME (and this is with women over many years of dating), this means "I'm not interested in dating you". If/when the "right" younger guy came along, that rule was nowhere to be found
You'reasian Posted November 1, 2008 Posted November 1, 2008 Ahhhh, after I was... uh, used? Were you really being used?
Author TheTallOne Posted November 1, 2008 Author Posted November 1, 2008 Yes, IME (and this is with women over many years of dating), this means "I'm not interested in dating you". If/when the "right" younger guy came along, that rule was nowhere to be found Exactly my point. I took it as a "Not interested in you" type of subtle meaning. Which was fine.... until a couple weeks later the escalation happened.
Author TheTallOne Posted November 1, 2008 Author Posted November 1, 2008 Were you really being used? It was a joke.
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