carhill Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 She was looking for a response, something to let her know she affected you, if she was looking for a situational ego feed. "Situational" is used to describe the ego feed as being an isolated event or events, rather than a continuum of events. This would especially be true if her behavior were found to be "back to normal" or "as expected" at future contact, as if nothing had ever happened. She might even go as far as to be incredulous that you would even bring up such events, even to suggest that you might have remembered wrong. Hence, with me, this is why I never get sexual texts or e-mails. The women always do it in person. No record. Women are very good All that said, people who love each other at our age usually have long histories together, so isolated events are seen as just that and not a definition of who the person is or what the friendship means. The world is a bit more gray, perhaps....
Author TheTallOne Posted October 26, 2008 Author Posted October 26, 2008 She was looking for a response, something to let her know she affected you, if she was looking for a situational ego feed. "Situational" is used to describe the ego feed as being an isolated event or events, rather than a continuum of events. This would especially be true if her behavior were found to be "back to normal" or "as expected" at future contact, as if nothing had ever happened. She might even go as far as to be incredulous that you would even bring up such events, even to suggest that you might have remembered wrong. Hence, with me, this is why I never get sexual texts or e-mails. The women always do it in person. No record. Women are very good All that said, people who love each other at our age usually have long histories together, so isolated events are seen as just that and not a definition of who the person is or what the friendship means. The world is a bit more gray, perhaps.... Hah! So, all that could have been just to feed her ego? And I was a pawn? Some friend! heh
carhill Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 I've done such many times in the past for female friends when I was single. Didn't cost me anything and they had a better day perhaps. I like to think of it as an emotional "hug". Perhaps this young lady wasn't at that stage of friendship yet with you; maybe she was more like an acquaintance with whom you were friendly. I can see a different reaction resulting in those circumstances. But, yeah, a "pawn" might be accurate. I've been called worse
Author TheTallOne Posted October 26, 2008 Author Posted October 26, 2008 I've done such many times in the past for female friends when I was single. Didn't cost me anything and they had a better day perhaps. I like to think of it as an emotional "hug". Perhaps this young lady wasn't at that stage of friendship yet with you; maybe she was more like an acquaintance with whom you were friendly. I can see a different reaction resulting in those circumstances. But, yeah, a "pawn" might be accurate. I've been called worse Maybe so. But generally when girls talk about sex and in the "I need it" mode, it is generally for a reason. They might not say "I want you to come over and screw me", but they will do it in other ways. She wasn't fishing for compliments such as "Am I sexy to you?" or "How come guys don't want to have sex with me..". It was more of "I am craving sex right now", "I want to go to bed... but have sex first". I don't know of any reaction that could be ego stroking complimentary towards her. But that is me.
Author TheTallOne Posted October 26, 2008 Author Posted October 26, 2008 Anybody else have any input/opinion before I contact her to meet up?
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 Anybody else have any input/opinion before I contact her to meet up? Are you meeting with her for the sole purpose of clearing things up, or are you meeting for another reason and you thought this would be a good time to talk about it?
Author TheTallOne Posted October 26, 2008 Author Posted October 26, 2008 Are you meeting with her for the sole purpose of clearing things up, or are you meeting for another reason and you thought this would be a good time to talk about it? Sole purpose. Just going to tell her that I need to talk to her in person, get something off my chest. It is the least I need to do for a 2 year friendship. If I didn't know this girl too well, I'd just leave it alone and ignore her.
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Anybody else have any input/opinion before I contact her to meet up? Yeah, don't have female friends if you don't want anybody hitting you up for sex when they're horny. You're single, she's single, I still don't see what you're getting wound up about. It's not as if she's kept on at you.
Author TheTallOne Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 Yeah, don't have female friends if you don't want anybody hitting you up for sex when they're horny. You're single, she's single, I still don't see what you're getting wound up about. It's not as if she's kept on at you. This is the first time a friend has done such a thing. Also... whatever happened to the friend zone/ladder?
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 This is the first time a friend has done such a thing. Also... whatever happened to the friend zone/ladder? I still don't get it. If she's attracted to you, then take it as a compliment. I have female friends that I'm attracted to and vice versa. Sometimes no strings sex is a really good and healthy thing as far as I see it. I mean if a friend asks you for a favour sometimes you can help them out sometimes you can't The question is do you feel betrayed? Like she's only friends with you because she wants sex/fancies you? I'm trying to work out what's annoyed you so much. I mean she only very briefly hinted that she's up for sex!!
Author TheTallOne Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 The question is do you feel betrayed? Like she's only friends with you because she wants sex/fancies you? I'm trying to work out what's annoyed you so much. I mean she only very briefly hinted that she's up for sex!! I feel annoyed because she said she wanted sex/whatever, and then turns around the next day and says that she "just talks about it", no; "Sorry.. I had a bit too much to drink..". No explanation. Then the next week, when she was with her friend, she and her friend start up the sex topic again. The next day, I ask her about what is going on.. and she responds that she just "sees me as a friend". Mixed signals. The "brief moment" on the first week lasted an hour of txting. Not too brief IMO. The week after lasted 2 hours, via txting.
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 I feel annoyed because she said she wanted sex/whatever, and then turns around the next day and says that she "just talks about it", no; "Sorry.. I had a bit too much to drink..". No explanation. Then the next week, when she was with her friend, she and her friend start up the sex topic again. The next day, I ask her about what is going on.. and she responds that she just "sees me as a friend". Mixed signals. The "brief moment" on the first week lasted an hour of txting. Not too brief IMO. The week after lasted 2 hours, via txting. Ok I can sorta see your point of view...it is a bit immature, then again she was drunk, then again she probably should have cleared it all up... I dunno. Do you consider her a close friend then? I guess you feel you deserve a little more respect?
Author TheTallOne Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 Ok I can sorta see your point of view...it is a bit immature, then again she was drunk, then again she probably should have cleared it all up... I dunno. Do you consider her a close friend then? I guess you feel you deserve a little more respect? Yes, immature. And yes, she was drunk/tipsy and she had her guard down. Instead of saying that (ie, she was just a little bit tipsy and didn't know what she was thinking/saying), she says "I just talk about it", making me think she is hiding her feelings/something else. I think, I don't know for sure. She was never a close friend. I have known her for two years, we talked/on and off, and every blue moon we and other friends would get together. Only for the past two months have we become "closer", her revealing some pretty deep stuff. (beyond sexual as well, that came after some other revealing details about how she feels in general) I believe I am owed an explanation... because the friendship is kind of ruined (imo). If she was some girl I just met, I would probably just blow her off entirely. But because I have known her for some time, I should at least try and see if I can get a reason from her. I would expect more from a 29 year old, but I guess I have high standards when it comes to "older" people. I would expect something like this from around my age (23), but not older. I appreciate you taking the time to respond. Cheers.
Jilly Bean Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 The quick on it? She booty called you, you shot her down, so now she is keeping her distance. From your reaction to what she did, you sound either really judgmental, or just really uptight. Either way, just let it go.
Author TheTallOne Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 The quick on it? She booty called you, you shot her down, so now she is keeping her distance. From your reaction to what she did, you sound either really judgmental, or just really uptight. Either way, just let it go. I have/had too much respect for her in that sense to do anything, especially when she did have a drink or two. If that comes across as being judgemental/uptight, then guilty as charged.
Jilly Bean Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 I have/had too much respect for her in that sense to do anything, especially when she did have a drink or two. If that comes across as being judgemental/uptight, then guilty as charged. She wasn't thinking about respect when she made the call, but if this is how you feel, then clearly you both are inherently VERY different people with completely different value systems, in which case you need to just move on and forget about the friendship. It sounds like this is too much of a deal-breaker for your moral code.
Author TheTallOne Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 She wasn't thinking about respect when she made the call, but if this is how you feel, then clearly you both are inherently VERY different people with completely different value systems, in which case you need to just move on and forget about the friendship. It sounds like this is too much of a deal-breaker for your moral code. Just as a FYI. She was the one who said before she doesn't date younger guys. She is also the one who told me a month before that she generally waits awhile before she has sex with a guy she is dating. She NEVER, NEVER came across as someone who looks for booty calls. If that doesn't change anything, then you are probably correct.
Jilly Bean Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Just as a FYI. She was the one who said before she doesn't date younger guys. She is also the one who told me a month before that she generally waits awhile before she has sex with a guy she is dating. She NEVER, NEVER came across as someone who looks for booty calls. If that doesn't change anything, then you are probably correct. OK, if you continue to take everything a woman tells you at face value, then you will lead a VERY frustrated dating life. Don't be so dense about women - we do not communicate like men - everything we say is in code, particularly when we like someone and are unsure if that is returned. When she said she was looking for a 6' blah blah guy, I assumed she was describing YOU to a T. You took the bait, and then she volleyed back, but you didn't get that, and you dropped the ball entirely. In chick speak, she wasn't saying she doesn't date younger guys, she was feeling out YOUR feelings on dating an older woman. I suspect because you never took the bait anytime she threw out the lure on dating, her booty call may have been more to just smoke out your interest in even SEX, let alone dating, as she couldn't figure you out. I don't think you read her correctly at any point, honestly. Still, all totally moot at this juncture. Unless you WOULD like to date her?
Author TheTallOne Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 OK, if you continue to take everything a woman tells you at face value, then you will lead a VERY frustrated dating life. Don't be so dense about women - we do not communicate like men - everything we say is in code, particularly when we like someone and are unsure if that is returned. When she said she was looking for a 6' blah blah guy, I assumed she was describing YOU to a T. You took the bait, and then she volleyed back, but you didn't get that, and you dropped the ball entirely. In chick speak, she wasn't saying she doesn't date younger guys, she was feeling out YOUR feelings on dating an older woman. I suspect because you never took the bait anytime she threw out the lure on dating, her booty call may have been more to just smoke out your interest in even SEX, let alone dating, as she couldn't figure you out. I don't think you read her correctly at any point, honestly. Still, all totally moot at this juncture. Unless you WOULD like to date her? The description didn't really match me to a T per say, other than the height and the body build. I'd say close, but not exact. (it was 2 months ago). I believe she mentioned the age (30s), but I kind of ignored that and just said "I'd be right over" just to bust on her. To be honest though, I don't remember the exact conversation as it was awhile ago. If I was interested in even attempting to date her, where would I even start? I'd imagine it would be too late for that regardless. I am just trying to get back on some kind of level playing field with her, if that is possible.
PrettyJW Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 ok...are you interested in her or not? I only read your post, not the others. But why are you pissed? You obviously blew her off and it's your fault she's not talking to you. If I got turned down the way you turned her down I wouldn't talk to you either. She was obviously interested in you and showing it. ALSO, She was joking when she made those "not dating younger guys comments" She was just trying to get your attention. I'm a girl and i've done things like that because she was wanted your attention/response. She probably wanted you to say something like...Well, you can always make an exception..or something flirty back. You can never really listen to what a girl says, you should pay attention to her actions. "actions speak louder than words" How old are you anyways?
rod_in_gtown Posted October 29, 2008 Posted October 29, 2008 Seems to me like she was giving you signs that she was interested in him, remember, "it's not what you say but rather what you do" what defines your actions. Women tend to say things to throw men off in order to get them to pursue them. They like the attention and know they can get it. and the more confused the guy is the more amusing it is for them to watch them be frustrated and confused. Marvin Udall said this once about how he wrote such real and identifiable female characters: "I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability"
Author TheTallOne Posted October 29, 2008 Author Posted October 29, 2008 ok...are you interested in her or not? I only read your post, not the others. But why are you pissed? You obviously blew her off and it's your fault she's not talking to you. If I got turned down the way you turned her down I wouldn't talk to you either. She was obviously interested in you and showing it. ALSO, She was joking when she made those "not dating younger guys comments" She was just trying to get your attention. I'm a girl and i've done things like that because she was wanted your attention/response. She probably wanted you to say something like...Well, you can always make an exception..or something flirty back. You can never really listen to what a girl says, you should pay attention to her actions. "actions speak louder than words" How old are you anyways? I don't know if I am interested in her currently. Before, I was not. I only really considered her a friend, hence why I was taken back by her actions. Currently, I am 23. I kind of expected a little bit more maturity out of her (being 29), another reason why I was taken back. If you were a friend of mine, and you started that... I'd ask you why you were acting in such a way.... as you never did before.
Author TheTallOne Posted October 29, 2008 Author Posted October 29, 2008 Seems to me like she was giving you signs that she was interested in him, remember, "it's not what you say but rather what you do" what defines your actions. Women tend to say things to throw men off in order to get them to pursue them. They like the attention and know they can get it. and the more confused the guy is the more amusing it is for them to watch them be frustrated and confused. Marvin Udall said this once about how he wrote such real and identifiable female characters: "I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability" To be honest (and blunt), that is one hell of a way of displaying interest when none was displayed before. If it was a gradual escalation into what happened, then I would not have been so surprised.
Author TheTallOne Posted October 30, 2008 Author Posted October 30, 2008 Called her yesterday, said we needed to meet up so I could "get something off my chest". She said "OK". So, I am meeting her on Saturday afternoon... at her place. It seemed way to easy, she was very open on me picking the time/place to meet. I bet she bails out.
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