KismetGirl Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 I have to wonder, sometimes. Everyone has a different opinion on this, but I wonder, is it really about the kids? Or money? Or selling the house? Or loss of stability? What is it? I feel like this is a topic that is often brought up as a reason that people stay married or don't want to get divorced, and there's many ways of looking at it, particularly with respect to the kids, esepcially when they are very young. In an instance in which the husband and wife truly can't stand each other and fight all the time, yes, I think in this case it's easy to say that getting a divorce and having seperate-but-happy parents is better for the kids overall. but what happens when mom and dad dont HATE each other? What if they get along, for the most part, like good friends, but thats it? As in, they dont necessarily fight in front of the kids all the time and are otherwise friendly, but just not affectionate like a husband and wife should be? As in, secretly, one spouse feels they'd be romantically happier with someone else, but they stick in the marriage "for the kids"? As a MM poster on another thread stated "I care about my wife, but not as a husband should care about a woman". Is it better to stay married in this case, rather than giving yourself a chance at true love? i think this second situation is more often the case than the cut-and-dried situation where two people just can't stand each other or don't love each other at all anymore. Which I think makes it alot harder to just up and leave the marriage. I remember when my parents were married and getting along (the divorced when I was about 12, after a few years of lots of fighting), and I love the memories of the family vacations and singing in the car together while driving to Canada, and these memories make me feel guilty when I think about my MM's kids, and are a big reason I don't tell him how I feel about him, because I feel like they should have that chance to have memories of Christmas morning, of family get togethers and vacations when they are little. So I keep most of the misery in my A onto myself. Admittedly, i dont think much about his BS, maybe because she's an adult , but its mostly the family unit I feel guilt about. And then at the same time, I get so upset wondering if me and MM could have had a truly happy R ourselves. It's very conflicting, and to me, it seems that children are the number one reason people stay together in a relationship that otherwise would have fizzled had they never had kids. Finances seem to be the second reason. What does everyone think?
Curmudgeon Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 It's very conflicting, and to me, it seems that children are the number one reason people stay together in a relationship that otherwise would have fizzled had they never had kids. Finances seem to be the second reason. What does everyone think? You're probably right and children can be the worst reason to stay in a marriage. Children learn what they live so you should ask yourself what lessons they're being taught about love, relationship, marriage, commitment, romance, etc. from a lukewarm set of parents. Money is likely the next culprit. It shouldn't be but in this day-and-age, too many people seem to value it above happiness which it DOES NOT bring. That's what I think!
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