Weary30 Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Here is my original thread, if anyone wants the background story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t167487/ So, since coming back...it's been almost 3 weeks. He has tried numerous times to contact me, all of which I ignored. The other night he sent me a private message in the game we play. And he asked if we could talk. I said to him, that I didn't know what he needed to talk about so bad, and that he was very clear the last time we spoke. He asked if he was clear....and I asked him if he didn't remember. So then he just started typing and typing. He said that he was so incredibly stupid and scared, and that he has barely slept since being home, and that he thinks of me all day long, and that he thinks about what he should have said instead of what he did say....he told me that the entire thing was him and his own insecurities, and that he misses me like crazy. He asked if we could speak...and I told him to give me like 30 min. Essentially that was for me to compose myself and not cry. So we start to talk verbally...or rather he does. So he tells me that he is a complete moron, and so very stupid. That he would do anything to go back to that day and take it back and change it. He said he would do anything to fix it right now. He told me that he was so so happy with me, and he felt like he just didn't deserve me, and didn't feel good enough and he didn't know how to express it. He told me that he misses me so much, and that he would do anything to have us still having plans for me to go there, and him to come here. He wanted to tell me all of this stuff at least verbally...and to know that he is so incredibly sorry and he hopes I 'can forgive him one day'. I didn't say much with this conversation. I told him, "I don't know what you want. If you are looking for me to tell you it's okay..I can't do that, because it is NOT okay". I also told him that he can only theorize how I feel, and really has no idea...and that him talking to me was all about how he feels and has nothing to do with me. And I also said that it is easy to sit there on the other end...at home and tell me this...now. And you know what...he sounded absolutely terrible. So of course I call up my two friends..and see them seperately...and they have completely different views. I do like to get others input for things, because I am always afraid I am going to miss something, or not think of it. Friend A - Pretty much things he is a complete jerk, needs to leave me alone, and says that he is only missing me because now he is home alone and has nothing to do. That he is onyl saying all this stuff to make himself feel better...and he doesn't really care about me or loves me etc. Friend B- Thinks that he needs to get help for his issue, but that deep down he really is a good guy...but he can't express himself properly. She asked how I felt in my heart. She thought that if people never got second chances, the world would be sadder than it is now. She said she can't choose for me (obviously), but that if it is what I want, to make sure there are actual changes and improvements to ensure as musch as possible that is doesn't happen again. What have I been thinking? I still haven't actually been able to get or be angry with him. The entire thing still just makes me cry. I have always felt close to him, even with him being so far away. I of course miss him terribly. My gut has never said that he lied to me, or that he reason for breaking up with me wasn't what he stated. Logic tells me that if I do persue a 'reunion' that the risk is all on me...and how would I ever trust that he wouldn't do it again? I wonder too if he is just playing a huge game on me. But then at the same time..if that is the case...what does he get? It's not like he is manipulating me to get some "ex-sex" or something like that. Does anyone have any insight or advise?
IcemanJB Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 It sounds like he's got some personal issues he needs to work out. I know this is easier said than done: but you need to ignore him for awhile. My ex contacted me on Wednesday and I stupidly responded...trust me, NC works for healing, but you need to decide if you want to heal and move on OR try to get back together with him. Just keep in mind that he sounds like a head case right now...
Geishawhelk Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Your agony has re-surfaced for one reason, and one reason alone. You responded. And it's stirred all those muddy waters right back up again. you gave us the link to your first thread. You took a lot of time, effort and trouble to post that original thread. It obviously ate away at you a good deal..... You got some great responses. Go back, read your OP again, and read the responses. remind yourself exactly why you decide to break. Then, ok.... Back to square one. NC again. Come on hun, you're better than this. Even here, we're telling you he has problems. I bet he knows this. but rather than make the effort to deal with them, he'd rather get back with you. Not gonna happen, not unless he makes some serious, self-motivated changes. Because otherwise, nothing will cahnge. And you might just as well still be running thread #1....
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