Author CandyGirlXO Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 Thats not what I said. I said you posted that you regretted them, thinking they were too big, and that you did offer to show pics of them so people could offer comments. Not sure why you are getting so defensive, as this is what you did. But again, it makes sense. You don't seem to like to own your behaviors. Still, women dont go around their days getting groped by strangers. I have some phenomenally hot friends (one in particular) who NEVER gets disrespected like this in public. I honestly have never heard of this happening to a woman, and I can only imagine the vibe being projected to invite such actions. You need to take a look at how you present and carry yourself. Clearly this is your disconnect. Well I definately do get grabbed and I have slapped guys before. Maybe I present myself in a certain way although I don't think I do. Walking right past someone and then they grab my ass out of nowhere that's not it fault.
Jilly Bean Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Well I definately do get grabbed and I have slapped guys before. Maybe I present myself in a certain way although I don't think I do. Walking right past someone and then they grab my ass out of nowhere that's not it fault. Where does this happen, Candy? What kind of men are groping you like this?
Vertex Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Jilly Bean: In her defense, I've witnessed plenty of girls getting groped out of nowhere (bars, subways, even the grocery store on one occasion), even without any prior interaction. Odds are, she's just very attractive (geez this entire thread is making me so curious as to what she looks like, haha). Some men are really forward and rude and will grope someone by no fault of the woman. There are usually no cues, either.
Angel1111 Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 It's probable that you were either raped or treated as a sex object when you were younger. I think it would do you a lot of good to talk to a psychologist and see if you can work through this.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Well I definately do get grabbed and I have slapped guys before. Maybe I present myself in a certain way although I don't think I do. Walking right past someone and then they grab my ass out of nowhere that's not it fault. No, this is not your fault, absolutely not. Some men prey on women and it is not your fault. This has happened to me, and I do not dress "slutty" or anything close to that. I do, however, have a large chest and I feel that some men feel that that is an invitation that I have not extended.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 Jilly Bean: In her defense, I've witnessed plenty of girls getting groped out of nowhere (bars, subways, even the grocery store on one occasion), even without any prior interaction. Odds are, she's just very attractive (geez this entire thread is making me so curious as to what she looks like, haha). Some men are really forward and rude and will grope someone by no fault of the woman. There are usually no cues, either. Thank you! Mostly happens at parties or bars which would make a lot more sense, but it has also happened at the mall or I'll get a quick unpurpose brush acting like it was by accident. Anyways I don't think I am HOT or anything like that. I just want to find someone real that won't disrespect me. That's really hard to do. I don't have much family and I have very few friends.
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 No, this is not your fault, absolutely not. Some men prey on women and it is not your fault. This has happened to me, and I do not dress "slutty" or anything close to that. I do, however, have a large chest and I feel that some men feel that that is an invitation that I have not extended. Yeah I'm with you on this my last gf used to get this crap all the time. Mind you she floored some guy!!
Jilly Bean Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Jilly Bean: In her defense, I've witnessed plenty of girls getting groped out of nowhere (bars, subways, even the grocery store on one occasion), even without any prior interaction. Odds are, she's just very attractive (geez this entire thread is making me so curious as to what she looks like, haha). Some men are really forward and rude and will grope someone by no fault of the woman. There are usually no cues, either. Yeah, I just really disagree with this. Its not about a woman's HQ (hotness quotient) that makes men grope strangers. This comes from a woman not having clear boundaries, and giving off an air of vulnerability, low self-esteem or victim(ness). Men do it to women they know they can get away with it with. Its all about the attitude one projects, and as Angel says, I am sure with Candy's prior abuse, she comes off as quite timid and probably (understandably so) seizes during such episodes. This is all so disturbing and tragic, really.
Vertex Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 For what reason do you have few friends? Are you just personally reserved in your activities/is this intentional or do you have trouble forming relationships in general?
Author CandyGirlXO Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 For what reason do you have few friends? Are you just personally reserved in your activities/is this intentional or do you have trouble forming relationships in general? Well I have never had a true guy friend. I have a handful of girlfriends which I guess is normal. My family is very dysfunctional. Never met a family like mine. But that's a whole other thread. I think I am okay with forming relationships, but with men they ALL make me hate the idea of love. They all have either cheated on me, hit me or verbally abuse me, ha and the worst one slept with me pleaded his undying love for me then the very next day left me and NEVER called me again. It hurts so bad.
Vertex Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Interesting -- a lot of your descriptions fits in fairly well with how things have played out for me, personally. I've since found that a lot of the cheating/abuse/etc occurred because I simply let it occur. Do you stand up for yourself in a forceful way or do you tend to let things slide? The whole "declaring love and then leaving the next day" thing has happened to me too -- basically, people will say what they think you wish to hear in order to get what they want, and once they have it (or if you call them out on their game), they will bail. I think in general you should just try being more of a hardass Don't put up with people's crap, and they will respect you more.
Dark-N-Romantic Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Candy, I won't feel sorry for you for one main reason... You got breast implants. And the only reason women do that is to enhance their beauty so that others will notice them... Well now you got your wish and your upset? This is not to say you should get groped, but then again there are a lot of guys who get groped by strange women too. Some women and men like it and some don't. Some like to have it done a certain time, place, way and some don't like to have it done at all. It is no one's fault. Like someone said, some people are just touchy feely and need to be let known that it is NOT okay. And that if it persists, you will take legal actions against them. DNR
Vertex Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Not everyone gets implants to "stand out" to people. I could be totally wrong here, but I'd imagine a fairly large handful of women get implants to simply feel more confident. Perhaps they're overly small, uneven, don't fit well with certain clothes, whatever -- I don't have boobs so I wouldn't know O.o Even if she *did* get them to stand out, implants certainly do not justify people groping her. It doesn't matter how attractive she is -- groping's not okay, and using someone for sex who is after something more is cruel and dishonest. There's nothing wrong with making yourself feel more confident/attractive -- I think she's entitled to do that to whatever extents she pleases. I just think she simply needs to be a bit more wary of who she gets involved with.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 Candy, I won't feel sorry for you for one main reason... You got breast implants. And the only reason women do that is to enhance their beauty so that others will notice them... Well now you got your wish and your upset? This is not to say you should get groped, but then again there are a lot of guys who get groped by strange women too. Some women and men like it and some don't. Some like to have it done a certain time, place, way and some don't like to have it done at all. It is no one's fault. Like someone said, some people are just touchy feely and need to be let known that it is NOT okay. And that if it persists, you will take legal actions against them. DNR LOL! Well my implants have nothing to do with it. They are only a year old and this problem has been my whole life. I really don't want this forum to be about my implants. They are not HUGE they now fit my body and I don't talk about my implants to anyone except for with close friends. I got used and groped BEFORE my implants and I used to wear a padded bra so the only difference my implants did for me is when I am naked.
Miranda1 Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Hey, the same thing used to happen to me in high school. Some girls just have a certain 'look' that reminds guys of their 'fantasy woman,' and they assume they can try anything with you, because in their 'fantasy' the girl is compliant and submissive. At first, I was really frightened by how aggressive the guys were. But I did a self-defence course, and it made me feel a lot more confident. I also just surrounded myself in predominately all-female environments ie. dance music festivals, fashion events, where I felt safe...But yeah, I'd definitely recommend taking a self-defence course - it will really help with your self-esteem and confidence! Good luck!
Green Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Hey, the same thing used to happen to me in high school. Some girls just have a certain 'look' that reminds guys of their 'fantasy woman,' and they assume they can try anything with you, because in their 'fantasy' the girl is compliant and submissive. At first, I was really frightened by how aggressive the guys were. But I did a self-defence course, and it made me feel a lot more confident. I also just surrounded myself in predominately all-female environments ie. dance music festivals, fashion events, where I felt safe...But yeah, I'd definitely recommend taking a self-defence course - it will really help with your self-esteem and confidence! Good luck! are u talking about one of those courses that teach women to kick men in the nuts? how dare you suggest such a thing!
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 The secrets lie in the distant past... and have very little to do with the boyfriends or sex partners in the present. Getting to know yourself (more objectively) would be such a great help to you. But you have to get pretty vulnerable (with a professional) to accomplish most of that. Eeeeeeek! And now we add (the decision to get breast) implants to the signs you've already offered? You keep looking 'outside' for the answers when they are 'inside'. There aren't too many people in this society who truly alter the outside to get less attention for their physicality, and you're just playing right into the range of the very target audience you don't want to have. It sounds somewhat oxymoronic.
Jersey Shortie Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Hey, the same thing used to happen to me in high school. Some girls just have a certain 'look' that reminds guys of their 'fantasy woman,' and they assume they can try anything with you, because in their 'fantasy' the girl is compliant and submissive. It has nothing to do with her looks. It's about how she is allowing these men to treat her. There are gorgeous women out there that don't have men behaving poorly towards them. I wish some of you would stop insisting it's her looks and she can't do anything to change the situations. She can. No matter how goregous, or not, she is.
sumdude Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Well I have never had a true guy friend. I have a handful of girlfriends which I guess is normal. My family is very dysfunctional. Never met a family like mine. But that's a whole other thread. I think I am okay with forming relationships, but with men they ALL make me hate the idea of love. They all have either cheated on me, hit me or verbally abuse me, ha and the worst one slept with me pleaded his undying love for me then the very next day left me and NEVER called me again. It hurts so bad. Raise your standards... believe in what you deserve... choose rather than be chosen.
Trialbyfire Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Each woman, assuming she's the type who lets men be the pursuer, gives the green light to men she finds attractive. Also, most women are born with the inherent ability to freeze a man cold and dead at 10 paces away, with just one look. Things to consider.
Green Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Because this has turned into the never ending thread I've had time to think more about this and want to add every guy uses his gf or wife for sex. Obviously not just for sex but that was a major part of what most healthy men want out of a romantic relationship with a woman. Just because your bf had sex with you the night before you guys broke up after being togather for a year I find it hard that was the only reason he was with you. Alot of girls will have sex with a guy one last time before breaking up. its not the coolest thing to do especialy when the guy is the one breaking up but you don't let it have to taint the entire year long or what ever you spent with him. Its all about how you percieve things, reality to a very large degree is what you make of it
Author CandyGirlXO Posted October 28, 2008 Author Posted October 28, 2008 Eeeeeeek! And now we add (the decision to get breast) implants to the signs you've already offered? You keep looking 'outside' for the answers when they are 'inside'. There aren't too many people in this society who truly alter the outside to get less attention for their physicality, and you're just playing right into the range of the very target audience you don't want to have. It sounds somewhat oxymoronic. You're absolutely right. The only defense I have for that is that I didn't really realize until recently that my interaction with men is different then the norm, but maybe I am wrong. I have learned that I will not put up with disrespect anymore, I rather be single
Author CandyGirlXO Posted October 28, 2008 Author Posted October 28, 2008 Because this has turned into the never ending thread I've had time to think more about this and want to add every guy uses his gf or wife for sex. Obviously not just for sex but that was a major part of what most healthy men want out of a romantic relationship with a woman. Just because your bf had sex with you the night before you guys broke up after being togather for a year I find it hard that was the only reason he was with you. Alot of girls will have sex with a guy one last time before breaking up. its not the coolest thing to do especialy when the guy is the one breaking up but you don't let it have to taint the entire year long or what ever you spent with him. Its all about how you percieve things, reality to a very large degree is what you make of it Thanks KMT you're always so helpful. I really thought that my EX sleeping with me then dumping me the next day after 2 years was odd, but maybe it's not uncommon. What made me question it the most was that there were no warning signs and when he slept with me he kept saying I love you over and over again.
D-Lish Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Thanks KMT you're always so helpful. I really thought that my EX sleeping with me then dumping me the next day after 2 years was odd, but maybe it's not uncommon. What made me question it the most was that there were no warning signs and when he slept with me he kept saying I love you over and over again. Wait... Did you just say KMT was "helpful"??? lol. No- seriously speaking, he DID actually give some healthy insight about the sex thing. Sex and breaking up are seperate things. Maybe it's closure for some people, you weren't used in that sort of way. Just never, ever say these words "I don't get along with other girls because... (insert anything here....)" Then- we are going into deeper woods than just the male attention and we'd have to look at that. You don't seem like that though. AND- to people that talk Shyte about breast implants... pulleeeeze- I know plenty of cool , stable women that have done such a thing for various reasons other than wanting to be an aspiring pole dancer wanting attention. Women with lots of kids that have lost all elastic presence in the breast- younger girls that have grown up being teased for being flat chested... or just regular girls that felt they wanted to have a more even look. It might be a vain thing to some people- but certainly NEVER to all... it's not a blanket statement that covers all reasons for getting the procedure. We enrich our minds by reading (maybe to impress others or just to feel better, depends right?... it's very important that people think I am smart. To me- it's something important. SO I keep going back to school. We can treat out bodies in the same way- enhancing what we feel is missing and what makes up feels better. People that get breast implants aren't typical across the board. Unless they are planning to strip or pose in a mag- they are usually helping to find peace with their self esteem. It oftens reconciles things for how they percieve themselves. And her implants were NOT crazy breast implants- I think we established she went up maybe ONE cup when it came down to it. Enough to feel better about the results- but in no way inviting any sort of "new male aggressiveness".... If the girl was hot before- she'd look the same- except not needing the push up bra:p CG- if I remember- you are a smaller girl? How tall are you again? Alpha's will gravitate to smaller girls. And do you have a big personality? Like outgoing? Might be doomed hun. We may have to get you into the whole stance of crossing your arms and cocking your head with your legs a shoulder length apart. I am almost 5'8"... I wear my tallest boots/shoes when I go out, and when a guy I am not interested in me begins his approach... I give him the "no way" look. I learned it quickly when I felt my boundaries being crossed. You are not the girl "guys ONLY want sex from"... Obviously, any red blooded young guy will want to get you into bed on the first meeting... they aren't out at bars thinking of meeting "brides" at that age... But- you are at an advantage, because you are beautiful. You don't sleep with them right away- they learn to respect you for waiting and they get to know you!! They aren't loving and leaving... they are just simply sexually attracted to you right away. if you were a dumb ass- they'd love you and leave you... but yer not. What do you wear and how do you act in a bar? Alcohol consumption and outfit... let's start there? That's a sincere question from my end.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted October 28, 2008 Author Posted October 28, 2008 Thanks D-lish your comments are helpful and it is exactly what I have been thinking. I have 2 problems that could be causing most of this. I am only 5'2 so like you said it's easy to take advantage. I am easy prey. And it doesn't help that I seriously look like I am 17. About getting along with females- I definately do. My friends are great to me except for when we go out, and it's not all of them just some that make rude comments to me to try to make themselves feel better. On occasion I have also had females hate me for no reason such as at work That is something I will never understand but females are catty and jealous like that. About my implants you are right. With a push up bra I look the same as I do now except for without the push up bra. And I did it for myself because I felt they were sagging too much for my age. As far as your question goes when I go out I do usually wear a fitted shirt but I try not to show a lot of cleavage for example. I don't go out and flaunt/tell guys I have implants. And I wouldn't unless I were to get into a serious relationship. However if I were to go out in a short skirt for example which I have done before, mostly when I had a BF there with me I still think that doesn't give the right to grab you or make inappropriate comments. I do not wear that risky of stuff if I am single and at a bar. I know a lot of it could be my age and most guys my age like you said are not looking for a wife, but I am getting to the age where they might. I am 26 but looking 17 does not help me. The other night I got carded for a R-rated movie LOL! I will just keep telling myself that not all men are like this and for my ex doing what he did to me at the end. Maybe it was closure for him that's what I would like to believe.
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