CandyGirlXO Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 I just came to realize that my interaction with guys is completely different then the norm. It really upsets me. I'm the girl guys just want to ****. I get hit on constantly by guys in the most disrespectful ways. I have been used for sex by guys that I have had a LTR with. My boyfriend a while back had this friend that would constantly tell him that he wanted to **** me. I constantly have guys grab me whereever and whenever. I know what you are thinking. I do not dress sluty I am not a t
amaysngrace Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 I have been used for sex by guys that I have had a LTR with. My boyfriend a while back How did you know he used you for sex? He said that?
Suiyobi Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 I just came to realize that my interaction with guys is completely different then the norm. It really upsets me. I'm the girl guys just want to ****. I get hit on constantly by guys in the most disrespectful ways. I have been used for sex by guys that I have had a LTR with. My boyfriend a while back had this friend that would constantly tell him that he wanted to **** me. I constantly have guys grab me whereever and whenever. I know what you are thinking. I do not dress sluty I am not a t The hell with them. If you get hit on by guys you don't like, ignore them. If they try to touch you, kick them in the balls. And next time, look for the good guys. They might be closer than you realize.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted October 25, 2008 Author Posted October 25, 2008 Sorry I didn't finish my post. I am not a tease or really even a flirt. I think I was used for sex because he ****ed me then broke up with me the very next day after 2 years. Thrown out like a piece of trash. It really hurts Guys don't try to talk to me about who I am what I like. It's always about sex. They don't see me as a person. I have never had a true guy friend. My friends hate me when we go out because I get the attention and they are mean to me. But they have real conversations with guys, I never do. I have been molested for years by 2 different guys as well. And I have been raped once by a "friend" What can I do?
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 They don't see me as a person. Do you see yourself as a person? Do you believe you deserve better than this? Do you believe in yourself? You are probably a very attractive girl. I think you should keep sex out of any dating situations until you have established a solid foundation based on friendship and respect. If the guy doesn't want to hang around and wait for that to happen, then too bad for him. But good for you- you just weeded out a user.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted October 25, 2008 Author Posted October 25, 2008 hmm you sound like my kind of girl I know what everyone is thinking...stop complaining. But what upsets me is that I'm not the girl guys want to marry or the girl that they care about. I am the girl that they use and disrespect. I don't put out easily so don't think that either.
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 I know what everyone is thinking...stop complaining. But what upsets me is that I'm not the girl guys want to marry or the girl that they care about. I am the girl that they use and disrespect. . No, you've just had bad luck.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted October 25, 2008 Author Posted October 25, 2008 Do you see yourself as a person? Do you believe you deserve better than this? Do you believe in yourself? You are probably a very attractive girl. I think you should keep sex out of any dating situations until you have established a solid foundation based on friendship and respect. If the guy doesn't want to hang around and wait for that to happen, then too bad for him. But good for you- you just weeded out a user. Thanks for the compliment. But no I make them wait. They are sweet I have made bf's wait 3 months but they always years later cheat on me, disrespect me, then throw me away. My ex used to get mad at me call me a slut etc... And I know I'm not.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted October 25, 2008 Author Posted October 25, 2008 No, you've just had bad luck. Bad luck everytime? Another ex after years told me, "I don't love you, but I don't want any other guys get their hands on you and use you." I just want to be loved and get married. I feel like it's never going to happen for me. Guys marry plain girls it seems like.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Thanks for the compliment. But no I make them wait. They are sweet I have made bf's wait 3 months but they always years later cheat on me, disrespect me, then throw me away. My ex used to get mad at me call me a slut etc... And I know I'm not. Wow, I'm sorry. It can be hard to predict future behavior. All I can say is if they are doing this years into the relationship, then next time you need to put your foot down and let them know you will not tolerate this treatment. Don't put up with it. I know that can be hard when you have history with them, but if you continue to listen to this crap then you may start to believe it, and that is no good. I agree, I think a lot of it is plain old bad luck.
prettybaby Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 That is very strange. I'm thinking you're either drop dead sexy with big boobs and all, or something about your sense of self draws this type of people to you. Of course I have no clue, I'm just guessing.
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Bad luck everytime? Another ex after years told me, "I don't love you, but I don't want any other guys get their hands on you and use you." I just want to be loved and get married. I feel like it's never going to happen for me. Guys marry plain girls it seems like. Yes you've had bad luck with men. It happens.
Green Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Sorry I didn't finish my post. I am not a tease or really even a flirt. I think I was used for sex because he ****ed me then broke up with me the very next day after 2 years. Thrown out like a piece of trash. It really hurts Guys don't try to talk to me about who I am what I like. It's always about sex. They don't see me as a person. I have never had a true guy friend. My friends hate me when we go out because I get the attention and they are mean to me. But they have real conversations with guys, I never do. I have been molested for years by 2 different guys as well. And I have been raped once by a "friend" What can I do? Well you could have gone to the police when you were being molested by 2 different guys and after your quote unquote friend raped you. your obviously a little sad and down on yourself today so cheer up gain that confidence in yourself and pick a happier day to re-evaluate your entire life.
Shygirl15 Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Yes you've had bad luck with men. It happens. So sorry Candygirl. I also see it the same way as CP, and perhaps the kind of guys you're attracted to are jerks.
FleshNBones Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 What kind of guys do you surround yourself with? You don't like inexperienced guys. The well experienced guys seem to enjoy getting more and more experience. You may crave monogamy, but you seem to prefer men that are anything but monogamous. I never put my hands on a woman, but the funny thing is, it actually upset them.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted October 25, 2008 Author Posted October 25, 2008 Well you could have gone to the police when you were being molested by 2 different guys and after your quote unquote friend raped you. your obviously a little sad and down on yourself today so cheer up gain that confidence in yourself and pick a happier day to re-evaluate your entire life. Thanks KMT I will do that. Thanks everyone for your replies I will just take it as bad luck and wish foR the best for myself
Isolde Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 I have a different problem pattern in my life (being rejected by everyone I liked) but I got the same feedback--bad luck. Sometimes the easiest answer is also the truest, but because it's so obvious, it seems hard to accept.
BlueHarvest Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 Candygirl it is all in how you carry yourself. You probably need to reign in your own hormones (Yes HORMONES) when you go out with your friends. If a guy hits on you, give him a chance. Don't start talking about going back to your place or his or whatever. Give him your number and see where he goes. Use your brain, you are probably very intelligent so use that brain and use your intuition.
Walk Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 I have a theory that a portion of the issue could be attributed to the nonverbal messages you're inadvertenly sending. I'm sure a portion of the issue can be attributed to bad luck though. But I've also seen different people's natural nonverbal gestures and how those can influence how others respond to them. Like touching someone's arm, or standing with hands in pockets, or arms crossed, crossinging your legs, etc. Two women wearing the exact same clothing will send off different nonverbal messages about the types of interactions they would tolerate. I think a majority of the time people aren't very aware of what their bodies are telling people. Little things like confidence, interest, fear.. closed off, or open. Potentially, it could help you to watch how other people interact in the types of situations you're talking about (at least as far as social settings) and how each person is treated? Then try to incorporate the body language of the people you would like to emulate. I have the opposite effect on people from what you're talking about. I naturally send off a very clear message not to touch me, or approach me. I have to make a concious effort to use body language that will make people feel more comfortable around me. Even simple stuff like how I hold my shoulders, or tilting my head, touching an arm, cross my legs toward the person instead of away from..etc. My other thought is that people can tell when someone lacks confidence and feels powerless. Less then honorable people will take advantage of that by pushing their intentions on you. I'd suggest that until you gain some skills in self protection that you only surround yourself with people who have proven themselves as trustworthy for extended periods of time. That's easier said then done though... since usually the bad seeds are really good at lying.
MN randomguy Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 It could have something to do with your thinking. Think of it this way. 1. Guys who respect women they're with and are looking for wives are looking for a good partner. 2. Guys who are looking for someone to use for sex are looking for a victim. You are not a rape vicitm you are a rape survivor. Strong women generally attract better men. Superficial guys are intimidated by them. If you know this guy and have some evidence against him go ahead and make an example of him. Some guy tries to grope you in a bar etc. make sure he regrets it. And as far as going out with your friends understand that using women for sex gains a guy experience. As with anything else, practice inspires confidence. They get confident and the first guy brazen enough to come up and talk to hottie about all things sexual. If that is not what you want to talk about its not your responsibility to entertain strangers. Steer the conversation towards a more relationship building conversation about your life and who you are as a person. If they're not into that, snub them. Move on to the next one. If there is someone that you respect, but he hasn't made a move on you or anyone else, go ahead and start talking to him about things in his life and start trying to build a relationship.
MN randomguy Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 I have never had a true guy friend. My friends hate me when we go out because I get the attention and they are mean to me. But they have real conversations with guys, I never do. ..... What can I do? I can't quite tell what's going on with you and your friends. It could be as Walk suggested with your non-verbal cues. If you're throwing the "I'm home take me drunk:cool:" signal and then then these guys come up and start talking dirty to you and you go along with it your friends will get mad. Then, from their prospective they can't expect anyone to put effort into them when these guys are thinking they're going to get you for free. Other possibility, that you surround yourself with less attractive women to boost your self-esteem. Then, they are jealous and take their frustrations out on you. Then, you need to feel secure to get at least one or two friends that can hold a candle to you.
D-Lish Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 If you're dating guys for a good three months before having sex with them- you're obviously more than just a lay.
Green Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 I think I nailed it she was having a bad day she went and re-evaluated her life and was looking for faults. She'll come back to this thread when she's happy and wonder why she ever made it
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