The Seeker Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Hi, this is my first post. Long story short, I dated this girl for about seven months in college; we amicably broke up after graduation because our post-graduation plans had us going to opposite sides of the country. I'll never forget, after we broke up and the last time I saw her, she kissed me and said if we were ever near each other again maybe something could start up again. We eventually lost touch after about half a year, but I never forgot about her, and truth be told I often wished I would meet another girl like her. This was a little over three years ago. Shortly before Labor Day, I got a surprise instant message from her. It was nice to hear from her, and then she mentioned she was living in the same area I am in! She's about 40-50 minutes away from me, which is kinda far, but I wanted to see her so I made the drive up. At the time I was cautiously optimistic; I felt like this could be a second chance but figured I would just see her and let things progress naturally ... whatever happens, happens. We saw each other a few more times, and I started to think about dating her again. After a few visits, I happened to catch her texting a friend about me saying pretty much the same thing, dating was on her mind but take it slow and see what happens. I also later met one of her friends who mentioned offhand that she talks about me "all the time." The problem? Because of the distance and our jobs, we can really only see each other on weekends, and not every weekend works. We do talk often during the week, though, mostly online with the occassional phone call. I've seen her probably five or six times in the past two months, and the whatever happens, happens thing isn't really working because ... well, nothing is "just" happening. For example, I saw her yesterday, which was the first time I saw her in two weeks. The previous time I saw her (which was also after a two week gap), she surprised me by giving me a small kiss and a long hug as I was leaving, and I was reeaaally looking forward to seeing her again. But last night seemed so awkward, and I was unsure how to act. For example, at one point during the night I was sitting on the couch and she was laying down next to me and I put my arm around her, and while she didn't shrug me off she didn't really warm up to it. And when I did leave for the night I decided to just go for it and kiss her, and while she let me kiss her she didn't try to prolong it either. Contrast this with the previous time I saw her, where she was hooking her arm around mine as we walked and just acted more flirtatious and broke the "touch barrier" more. This was also kind of the opposite of how she acted when we talked during the week ... she seemed to be looking forward to seeing me. Just to give you an idea of the time period here, because I think this is part of the problem ... about a month after we first reconnected I saw her texting her friend about me (she didn't know I saw it), then we didn't see each other for two weeks, then her friend mentioned she talks about me a lot and she gave me that kiss, then it was another two weeks until I saw her yesterday, and yeah, yesterday was awkward. Not much is happening when I see her for one evening every two weeks. I'm not sure if she's just feeling unsure how to act as well, or losing interest, or thinks I'm not interested or what, but I think I need to just talk to her about it because waiting to see what happens has just turned into a lot of waiting. I want to get it out in the open and stop skirting the issue. We never really discussed our past relationship, and I'm not really sure how to bring it up or what to say. Any pointers on what to say to her? Or any perspective on the issue? Thank you.
amaysngrace Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 I would start by talking to her more on the phone and less online. It's so impersonal IMO. Why not ask her if she can go somewhere for a weekend together if you guys only have weekends. Maybe someplace warm?
Author The Seeker Posted October 25, 2008 Author Posted October 25, 2008 You are right about the phone thing. The online thing just kind of happened ... it was convenient. Normally I just leave the program open and she started saying hi when she got home from work. I have been trying to call more.
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