MichiganMan222 Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 My story in a nutshell for new viewers: I just got dumped after two years with my girlfriend. Prior to that, I had another girlfriend for one and half years which we mutually broke up (but she kind of instigated it). Now....prior ex heard I was broken up with recent ex. Now she wants to consider leaving her bf of two years (same one since our break-up) to be with me. I'd say the chances of that are 50/50. He's a great guy, but she doesn't have feelings for him and claims she's still in love with me. OK, now I feel like I am in love with her still. HOWEVER, I feel so heartbroken over the most recent break-up. In all honesty, I feel I could marry either one of these two and be happy for the rest of my life. I know I love the prior ex, but are my feelings for the most recent something different or am I actually in love with two different women? The reason prior ex and I broke up was because our love had to be hidden (work), and it was too stressful. Recent ex broke up with me because "I wasn't as invested in the relationship as she was". The feelings were there I think, I just wasn't open about. Could have something to do with the feelings for the prior ex. I don't know. My head is spinning. I feel like if either one of these two came to me, I would be the happiest man in the world. And if I had to choose, I couldn't. They are both equally wonderful. So what say you? Is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time? Thanks for your feedback.
carhill Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Be alone for six months with no contact with either woman and learn to love yourself Adding, my first instinct when reading was that the women were taking the affirmative actions in the relationships. IMO, you need to change that dynamic. Be assertive about what you want. That means conflict. The spice of life
Citizen Erased Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Be alone for six months with no contact with either woman and learn to love yourself Agreed. This other ex seems like a wonderful opportunity to try to forget your heartache. Not healthy at all.
Author MichiganMan222 Posted October 25, 2008 Author Posted October 25, 2008 UGH! But I'm in love with her...if I wait 6 months, she will be gone.
Eyeofthoth Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 My two cents: Yes, of course it is possible to be in love with two people. The question is, are you ready to make a full-on don't look back commitment, complete with actually working on making a really good relationship, with either one of these people? Not only will you be using the return to your previous relationship to get over your current heartbreak, but your prior gf is apparently looking for an excuse to leave her bf. If I were you, I would not want to be her excuse, especially since it seems to be very common for people who do that to look back a few months later and go "oops." If she wants to leave her bf because she doesn't love him, then she should leave him, whether she has another warm body to run to or not. So maybe you could tell her that you do still love her, and you also love your current ex, but that you need some time alone to sort yourself out and that you don't want her to mess up a potentially valuable relationship for you. Hanging onto one person until you are sure you have another one in the bag is just icky.
Rooster_DAR Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 Be alone for six months with no contact with either woman and learn to love yourself Adding, my first instinct when reading was that the women were taking the affirmative actions in the relationships. IMO, you need to change that dynamic. Be assertive about what you want. That means conflict. The spice of life Sound advice here, I concur.
Jamez123 Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 Personally i think it was meant to be with your prior ex . . i think you just feel like you still love the recent ex, because being with her is all you've known for the past 1 and a half years. Have you always felt in love with your prior ex a little, whilst you've been with your recent one by any chance? If you have then you should just give it till, say, new year without contact from either of these ladies and then you'll definately know who you'll want to be with by then i promise. I know the whole no contact thing is ****ing terrible but still, it's your best bet. I reckon it's the prior ex you'll want eventually . . . but i don't know. Anyway, things will work out sooner than you know it. and you'll have a clear, definite idea of who the lucky lady is to be.
Dexter Morgan Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 So what say you? Is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time? No. . . . . . .
Author MichiganMan222 Posted October 30, 2008 Author Posted October 30, 2008 Yes, I did still feel in love with my prior ex while with the recent ex. I thought eventually that that would fade and wanted those feelings to move to the current gf. I feel I got attached to her, but my feelings were buried. And this had a lot to do with everything coming unraveled. Ironically, as it started to come apart, my feelings began to surface and of course my gf just thought I was saying anything to get her back. But while they surfaced, my feelings for the prior gf never went away. And I agree that I want her to leave her bf for her own reasons. She maintains that's her intentions too. She says she will eventually and either I will be there for her or I will be involved with someone else. But throughout, the prior gf was show signs of jealousy with my current (at the time) gf. The closer I got to her (trips, parties, etc) the worse she got. But once out completely, she got into a comfort zone of feeling like she could take her time.
Dexter Morgan Posted October 30, 2008 Posted October 30, 2008 desire and love are not the same thing.
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