Mimsy Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Hi... I'm facing my second year of college - not in America - and i’m kinda scarred, because last year's experience was not that great. I've got this boyfriend who I totally love and i know he's crazy about me too (he's not at the same university - but we live near each other). Nevertheless, we were forced to some distance and since we weren't used to it, it didn't go very well. I started to feel him like a stranger, i didn't know exactly what stand did he have in my life; neither of us knew how to deal with this new situation. Then I made some friends. And since I had a lot to study and I live kinda far for the university, i would stay at the college like forever! And always with them... And I got myself a really good friend – a boy! No, I never cheated, and I don’t plan to. Rest assured. But now that some time has passed and, not only me and my boyfriend are totally back on tracks, and I’m not that close to that friend anymore, I see things a different way, and they’re messing up my life. I'm a very negative person - i focus myself a lot in the bad things that happend or just that I think aren't ok (even if tehy are). I now think that last year it was too much, between me and that other boy; I trusted him everything, every little detail of my life – even my life (good or bad) with my boyfriend. I regret it, because I feel like I almost replaced one for the other (not in all senses, of course). And so, I don’t even know what really to do… I wish I didn’t have to see him again… but that’s just the easy way (especially because i WILL see him since we study the same thing)! I only see him every once in a while, and I actually fear meeting him, because I don’t want to share ANYTHING with him. Not even information about school. That brings a lot of stress to my time at college of course, and it’s hard…=/ Besides, it makes me not know how to deal with friends (specially male) in general... I never know what it is too much information about me and my life and what should be kept to me or shared simply to those special people (family, boyfriend and best friends). Besides, and maybe the worst, he shares some similarities with my boyfriend; since I’m so concerned and (unfortunately) still focused on what happened last year, that sometimes in the middle of a kiss to my boyfriend I have to watch him! That’s because in some instance he might resemble the other guy and, obviously, I don’t want to kiss him! And because I spent so much time with him (the other boy) last year, I got to know him and if I’m havind one of my bad moments, I will compare their reactions. But to make it even worse, sometimes I’m simply OK, and I try to “prove” myself that that “shadow” will not interfere with my moment with my love. Only the fact that I do it, makes it interfere already, right? I have to cast this away. I’m very afraid that this stupid weak moments will jeopardize my happiness with my boyfriend. Any ideas of how can I deal with this? How to shut my mind to this shadow and get back my naturality with people in general? Thanks guys!
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