Cherry Blossom 35 Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 I guess it is a matter of degree. I would love it if a guy I was interested in brought me a bunch of wildflowers from his garden. That to me says thoughtful and interesting. I just think sending someone flowers to their office after one date is over the top, and could be potentially embarrassing for the person. I was horribly embarrassed when the flowers came to my job. I'm sure other women would not be, but I don't like to have all eyes on me. I think it would be a little safer for the guy, if he wanted to give her flowers, to do so in person.
Trialbyfire Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Flowers from any identified source of interest or friends, are nice. I've even gotten flowers previous to dating, which doesn't bother me. What creeps me out are unidentified sources or sources where there's complete and negative disinterest.
carhill Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 I was horribly embarrassed when the flowers came to my job. I'm sure other women would not be, but I don't like to have all eyes on me. I was pretty shy during my single life but would be interested to know if you ever have determined why you were embarrassed and/or why you didn't/don't like other's eyes to be on you? I haven't had those feelings from the few instances female friends have "embarrassed" me in such ways. I always found the process to be somewhat exciting. Perhaps this speaks to the disparity of attention received by myself vs the typical woman. That might make sense. Still, those emotions and perspective reside within you. A man cannot (nor should not) read your mind. Your silence will be all the message he needs to hear.
Author Bells Posted October 25, 2008 Author Posted October 25, 2008 I was pretty shy during my single life but would be interested to know if you ever have determined why you were embarrassed and/or why you didn't/don't like other's eyes to be on you? I haven't had those feelings from the few instances female friends have "embarrassed" me in such ways. I always found the process to be somewhat exciting. Perhaps this speaks to the disparity of attention received by myself vs the typical woman. That might make sense. Still, those emotions and perspective reside within you. A man cannot (nor should not) read your mind. Your silence will be all the message he needs to hear. Because she might be a glass half empty kind of gal. ;-)
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Because she might be a glass half empty kind of gal. ;-) Carhill posed that question to me, not you, Bells, so please don't answer for me.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 I was pretty shy during my single life but would be interested to know if you ever have determined why you were embarrassed and/or why you didn't/don't like other's eyes to be on you? I haven't had those feelings from the few instances female friends have "embarrassed" me in such ways. I always found the process to be somewhat exciting. Perhaps this speaks to the disparity of attention received by myself vs the typical woman. That might make sense. Still, those emotions and perspective reside within you. A man cannot (nor should not) read your mind. Your silence will be all the message he needs to hear. I am not asking a man to read my mind. My only piece of advice is that if a man wants to give flowers, maybe he should do it in person. A lot of people do not want to mix business with pleasure. If the man chooses to send flowers to her job, then great, he can live with the consequences. If that is a way for you to see what kind of potential partner she is, then great, that works for you. She might be thrilled or she might be turned off, but I don't think it is fair to negatively label the woman for her personal preference. I don't see you doing that, Carhill, but others..... As for my reasons for being embarrassed: 1. I am the only single person in my office and I don't like getting quizzed on my dates. It's just not something I want to talk about at work. I prefer to keep things professional. 2. I don't like PDA or anything that might draw attention to me in a romantic setting. That is a personal quirk, and I have no idea where that comes from. 3. I don't like unwanted stares and attention. I get it a lot, and it makes me very uncomfortable. I don't like to be the center of attention, unless I'm being funny. that is something that doesn't translate well here on LS, but I'm a pretty funny character in real life When I'm being funny and people laugh, I like that kind of attention. Last night I was walking home and a guy leaned out of his car and tried to hand me his business card. I waved him off and kept walking. At the next block I saw him RUN up to me. He said he would have been mad at himself if he didn't try and talk to me. I think this is weird. This is the kind of attention I really don't like.
carhill Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Adding, the female "friends" who sent me things in my above posting weren't friends prior to the instances, rather more vague acquaintances, but I did know who they were, which is perhaps different than a "secret admirer". I only get accosted by strangers and sent "virtual" flowers on the internet Last night I was walking home and a guy leaned out of his car and tried to hand me his business card. I waved him off and kept walking. At the next block I saw him RUN up to me. He said he would have been mad at himself if he didn't try and talk to me. I think this is weird. This is the kind of attention I really don't like. Understand and empathize completely. This is the "disparity" of attention I alluded to prior. I'll bet this happens to you more times than you care to share. It likely gets "old". Had I experienced it, OTOH, not feeling any threat (which can be very real for you) and not often getting that kind of attention, I might have thought it a bit exciting. I guess it's times like those when you wish for being in NYC with a cop on every corner. Maybe a little gun and badge might have straightened "Mr. I Gotta Talk to Her" right up
Author Bells Posted October 25, 2008 Author Posted October 25, 2008 3. I don't like unwanted stares and attention. I get it a lot, and it makes me very uncomfortable. Too bad, you're just going to have to suck it up....that's part of being single, and that's the bachelor's role to do what is natural. It's funny how you consider natural behaviour of a single/unattached bachelor as being inappropriate. I think Cherry Blossom is just further reinforcing her chronically single situation.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Too bad, you're just going to have to suck it up....that's part of being single, and that's the bachelor's role to do what is natural. It's funny how you consider natural behaviour of a single/unattached bachelor as being inappropriate. Are you kidding me? Do you not think it is strange that a man would get out of his car at 1 in the morning and chase after me? If the street were less populated I would have been extremely frightened and I probably would have run away. Why should I have to suck up predatory attention? I'm not talking about a guy who walks up to me in a bar and tries to have a conversation. That is fine, and that is normal. What is not normal is a guy chasing you down the street. I met a guy online recently. I went to meet him and had two glasses of wine. He was nice, and it was a pleasant time. He walked me home as he lived on the same street as me. (It's a big street). When he said good bye he stuck his tongue down my throat and asked to come upstairs. I feel that is predatory. A gentleman would have given me a peck on the cheek, or a regular kiss, told me he had a great time, and asked me out again. Meeting someone online, having two glasses of wine, and asking them to have sex 1.5 hours later is gross. This is the kind of crap I'm tired of dealing with. A nice guy chatting me up at work or in the bar, not a problem, whether or not I feel attracted. I hope you can see the difference.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 I think Cherry Blossom is just further reinforcing her chronically single situation. I will be 100 times happier by myself than to be with some of these jokers. "Further reinforcing her chronically single situation." Give me a break. I choose to be single when the pickings are slim.
carhill Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 hehe, he's just baiting you. Give him a silence sandwich and he'll be happy
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 hehe, he's just baiting you. Give him a silence sandwich and he'll be happy I think you're right, as usual!
Author Bells Posted October 25, 2008 Author Posted October 25, 2008 Are you kidding me? Do you not think it is strange that a man would get out of his car at 1 in the morning and chase after me? If the street were less populated I would have been extremely frightened and I probably would have run away. Why should I have to suck up predatory attention? I'm not talking about a guy who walks up to me in a bar and tries to have a conversation. That is fine, and that is normal. What is not normal is a guy chasing you down the street. I met a guy online recently. I went to meet him and had two glasses of wine. He was nice, and it was a pleasant time. He walked me home as he lived on the same street as me. (It's a big street). When he said good bye he stuck his tongue down my throat and asked to come upstairs. I feel that is predatory. A gentleman would have given me a peck on the cheek, or a regular kiss, told me he had a great time, and asked me out again. Meeting someone online, having two glasses of wine, and asking them to have sex 1.5 hours later is gross. This is the kind of crap I'm tired of dealing with. A nice guy chatting me up at work or in the bar, not a problem, whether or not I feel attracted. I hope you can see the difference. Well....that's different...that's just uncalled for....but I noticed that there were really harmless senarios in your case to that I saw no reason why it was a problem.
Shygirl15 Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 I think Cherry Blossom is just further reinforcing her chronically single situation. Your today's agenda of going around accusing women of wanting to remain chronically single is not very amusing. Why does that seem to bother you, Bells?
Hotel Paradiso Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 I really don't get the point of this thread. It's universally known to be creepy, and for that reason, thousands, hell, even maybe millions of guys who would do it or would want to do it, don't. Go yell at your sisters for making something completely innocent ruined for the rest of you. Pretty much every romantic gesture is not interpreted in a positive light these days, and then you wonder why men aren't romantic?
Recommended Posts