nena999 Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 I had a horrible childhood, and had a boyfriend at 14. I wanted to find love because I did not feel any from my family. Ever since I have been with a boyfriend non stop, one relationship to another. Now I am 23 and I have not been single for even a month in the last 9 years. I am not a **** I’ve only had a total of 4 ex boyfriends and my current one. Anyway I am not very happy in this relationship now, and i want to be single. I have never been single and I am also an only child and I have no friends. I am scared I will be alone if I leave my bf. I am also 23 now, is it too old to be single? I don’t want to end up being old lonely and my only company are cats. Should I leave this relationship for the uncertain or stay even though I am not happy, but at least I am not alone. Pls help.
Geishawhelk Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 I don't think being alone right now would solve your problem, because you're still insecure about what it would be like, to be alone.... Does your BF know how you feel, and why? I think (oh it's flogging an oft-repeated phrase here!) you could do with some counselling..... both Independent, and maybe with your BF. Until you get past the issues of your childhood and formative years, and gain closure, this will always be a big hurdle for you.
Vertex Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 I can relate. Just to start off here, I'm a 22-year-old dude. I had a very hard time squeezing affection out of my parents, so the strongest love that I ever really felt derived itself from relationships. Ever since early high school, I had always been involved with women clear up until recently, with hardly any breaks. As a result, I too had a fear of being alone because I had a need to be loved. However, you find that the best way to overcome this issue is to face your fears head-on. It's okay to be single. I've been going solo for a while now, and I find that it's the best way to develop your own sense of security and self-respect. My previous relationship lasted two years and was totally wrong for me, and yet I stayed purely because I was afraid. If you aren't happy with your relationship, and you know it isn't going to work out in your heart of hearts, then don't settle for it. At some point you need to learn to be happy with yourself. I'm still in the process of doing this, but I can say with certainty that it's definitely coming along. I wouldn't have been able to make these improvements if I were still in a relationship that I knew wasn't right for me. We're still young -- early 20's is by no means the end of the world. Furthermore, being single gives you the opportunity to get out there and make some new friends. Yes, I still feel that having a good relationship would make a lot of things wonderful, but the timing has to be right, and I have to be secure first. If you treat relationships like air, then you'll settle for anything to purely survive, and this is not a healthy way to live. A relationship should be icing on a cake -- something you can hold out for and fine-tune. I think it's a function of being single long enough so that you can appreciate yourself for who you are and learn how to hold out for a more suitable relationship down the road. I's a function of taking control over your own life rather than letting other factors run things for you.
Fraggle Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 However, you find that the best way to overcome this issue is to face your fears head-on. It's okay to be single. I've been going solo for a while now, and I find that it's the best way to develop your own sense of security and self-respect. Agree 100%. Being single isn't nearly as scary as it may seem and it can actually be kind of liberating. It will go a long way to help develop a sense of identity.
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