D-Lish Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Interesting. I have been seeing a real cutie for a few weeks. He is from Ireland (I have posted before) travelling across Canada- and probably in Toronto Until X-mas until he heads West. I really did know from day one that it couldn't be anything serious. So my head was always in that mindset. We totally connected on our first date- but it was like being on the same page with our humour. All we did was laugh. Second and third date- same thing... we like one another and have fun. Lots of making out and laughing and being comfortable ( but butterfly nervous at the same time). No sex yet- but some, um... oral from both ends on the fourth date, and fifth date. He has an obsession with "going downtown". I am not complaining. It's electric- it's great fun. I love the accent.... I don't love him. I never could or would knowing the circumstances. But I DO like him. Here's the thing. I know he's a player. He's almost 30 and his only long term relationship was from 18-21..... Presumably the girl that ruined him for all others right? Anyway. Most of his complaints about women are "they call to much or expect too much or try to calm him down"... It's all about being tied down right? Well- that isn't what I want really. If I am getting involved with someone "moving on" through the area, I won't get attached. And trust me when I say I am good at being detached in the first 3 months. (after that- well...nevermind). So- last night we had a real intimate night... sex and everything (yes with a condom). When he was looking down on me he locked eyes. Never looked away. I rarely lock eyes during sex because it creates a connection and that scares me. Is that a bonding sign or something for guys? Cuz after.... he was relentless with the cuddling and sappy stuff.... but still maintained he had a trip to continue and... loved having fun with me- but would be going to Whistler soon. I've always maintained I was cool...and really have acted cool. Last night I came home from his place and woke up this morning to 3 texts... "make it home ok ?- I can't stop thinking about you- u okay? didn't hear back"..... He's heading West soon... so I just kinda thought we'd be over.... then the BOMB. He renewed the lease for 6 more months. So adamant about moving when I met him and now delaying that. Trust me- this guy is a bit of a player. I kept my distance because he was sailing through... Now- I rarely resond to him, have never told him how I really feel about him... pretend I am not smitten.... and he wants to stick around.... I pegged him for a player- He's not going to change because I am a challenge right? He's not. I am delightfully confused- because he goes downtown like a veteran busdriver. never go on strike brothers...
audrey_1 Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 When he was looking down on me he locked eyes. Never looked away. I rarely lock eyes during sex because it creates a connection and that scares me. Is that a bonding sign or something for guys? Oh god. The eyes locking. This is a question I'm also pondering at the moment. I'm 33 and have just been experiencing this and don't know what to make of it. It's doing a real number on me. Apparently it must have something to do with bonding, else why would he have renewed his lease another six months? Would he be that big a player? Six months is beyond the three month limit!
mental_traveller Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Maybe he finds the D-Lish game more fun than most, and wants to play for a bit longer? Nothing wrong with continuing, just be careful.
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 I pegged him for a player- He's not going to change because I am a challenge right? He's not. It seems you want him to though? You're playing with fire here... Yeah he definitely knows how to milk it, I like the whole "all these women are trying to tie me down and poor me" act..
Trialbyfire Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 D., you know what you're doing so I won't give you any useless advice. Just be careful of your heart. Even if it turns into something more permanent, players have issues with fidelity, no matter what they say or want to believe.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Yeah he definitely knows how to milk it, I like the whole "all these women are trying to tie me down and poor me" act.. Yep, I think he's loving the chase, and as soon as you surrender, he will quickly lose interest. He might actually fall for you -- because he can't have you. It sounds like it could be very fun to remain detached and give him a taste of his own medicine for a change. haha If it were me, I would enjoy the fun times and sex and keep my emotions out of it. Way too risky otherwise.
vonerik012 Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Amazing how everyone knows he is a player, lol. You give him sex, he takes it. Does that make him a player? Secondly why are you dating and having sex with a younger guy who 1. You think is a player 2. Who is moving soon. Are you the one with intimacy issues who wants to date someone they cannot be with? Sex confuses men, along with the chase. But I agree with the other posters. He wil not be interested in a ltr with you, no matter how confused or how much sex he has on his brain right now.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 He wil not be interested in a ltr with you, no matter how confused or how much sex he has on his brain right now. How do you know? I used to date a guy who had a roommate who was known as a bit of a player. He's a great guy but he was young and good looking and wanted to keep his options open. At one point he was dating three women. One of the women was his "booty call." She would always come over late when we were watching tv or something, and then leave in the morning. Amazingly, he ended up really falling for her and they now live together.
vonerik012 Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Men traveling through foreign countries typically are not wanting to get married to any older woman that gives them sex. He still might be very possessive and have feelings, but not for a ltr. But it seems she does not want one ether, so whats the problem? In your friends situation, he ended up settling for a girl he was not that into.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Men traveling through foreign countries typically are not wanting to get married to any older woman that gives them sex. He still might be very possessive and have feelings, but not for a ltr. But it seems she does not want one ether, so whats the problem? In your friends situation, he ended up settling for a girl he was not that into. Actually, he's very into her. Neither one is ready for marriage, but they both see it heading that way. What part of what I wrote gave you the impression that he isn't? I think that is your perception- that a girl who would have NSA sex is not worth a relationship. Isn't that what you are saying to D-Lish? Seems to be a theme with you.
vonerik012 Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 I think since women run on emotion, it is hard for them to look at details. So what do we have in the story? A girl who has a history of dating younger men, whom is nearing 40, and single. She chose to date ANOTHER younger man, whom she KNOWS is just passing through. These are signals of intimacy issues, or someone who does not want a commitment. Now the guy.. He is 30, and only had 1 girlfriend 10 years ago. So whom is he dating? An older woman whom he also most likely will not have to get close to, as admittedly she does not want to anyway. Truthfully, he could have had 30-40 such relationships in the past 10 years. Since he picked an older woman who does not want or expect anything, he gets oral sex after a few dates, no strings sex after a few dates, etc. That is what he wants. That is what he gets. If he picked a woman who is maybe 25-29, chances are she might be thinking kids, commitment, sizing him up etc. There is also a chance he might really fall for this younger woman. Not what a commitment phobe wants to deal with. It is not brain surgery. One commitment phobe finds another, and they have sex, while implementing some emotions just to make it more human. She probably does not want sex with NOTHING at all other than sex, and he probably develops some strong, yet very superficial feelings for her based on lust, that can be turned off with the drop of a hat.
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