Agony

[Heather1]

Very helpful, especially from James about depleting me more. That is really becoming the case as I wonder if he doesn't just use me from time to time as an ego boost & has no intentions of a full blown A. I thought the A happened way before the kisses & he seems to think we really haven't even had one yet....just a few accidental kisses. I don't know what to think of his marriage, he says it's fine (except for me). I think he likes me to be plan B, totally flattered & doesn't want to give up the attention. Not many things in his life are going well right now, so I don't mind being a friend for that. I'm just so infatuated with him that it's REALLY hard. My H went to his parents with my kids today (I work Thanksgiving) & OM sent me an email saying he was leaving work early. I just missed him by a few minutes ( which is probably for the best).

So for the next few days by myself I'm going to get my house organized, work & try to make a plan for my M. I'm just really tired. My H parents want he & the kids there for Thanksgiving & I stopped going because I was the whipping post. The whole family knows it, and agrees with my decision. As for his family health, his parents are hypochondriacs that are now actually sick. It's the sick house & I just listen to the clock tick, take my 40 lashes, and leave. I'm a total wimp - don't know how to ask for help or stand up for myself.

[LakesideDream]

Very helpful, especially from James about depleting me more. That is really becoming the case as I wonder if he doesn't just use me from time to time as an ego boost & has no intentions of a full blown A. I thought the A happened way before the kisses & he seems to think we really haven't even had one yet....just a few accidental kisses. I don't know what to think of his marriage, he says it's fine (except for me). I think he likes me to be plan B, totally flattered & doesn't want to give up the attention. Not many things in his life are going well right now, so I don't mind being a friend for that. I'm just so infatuated with him that it's REALLY hard. My H went to his parents with my kids today (I work Thanksgiving) & OM sent me an email saying he was leaving work early. I just missed him by a few minutes ( which is probably for the best).

So for the next few days by myself I'm going to get my house organized, work & try to make a plan for my M. I'm just really tired. My H parents want he & the kids there for Thanksgiving & I stopped going because I was the whipping post. The whole family knows it, and agrees with my decision. As for his family health, his parents are hypochondriacs that are now actually sick. It's the sick house & I just listen to the clock tick, take my 40 lashes, and leave. I'm a total wimp - don't know how to ask for help or stand up for myself.

 

 

 

Poor, poor pitiful you. Read what you wrote. You've moved from wronged and ignored woman who's "just kissing" your BF/crush to a full blown pity party. You are a grown woman. What's stopping you from acting like one? IF your inlaws talk trash to you, grab the child leave. Don't let them control you.

 

Oh... and why you are feeling so full of yourself, remember you are the one swapping spit with "accidentially" with your BF. Soon you will be walking with him, trip, do a somersault losing your clothing in the process and accidentially land with your vagina gripping his also miraculously unclothed penis. Accidents like that happen more often than you think!

 

Get a grip on yourself. You are an adult. You are a mother and a wife. You can make decisions, about your marriage, inlaws, and boyfriend. Get started.

[heavenlytomorrow]

hi heather. Firstly, thank you fir your kind post on my thread yesterday. Having said I was 'done with this site' I read your story as I was interested to learn about tour situation. I totally understand how you feel, how much in turmoil you must be. I read your replies which many of were unpleasant, like mine, telling you to free your 'poor husband' etc- I've heard it all before and feel like I've been so slatted for my A. No one on here knows my H but he is a saint in everyones eyes! My H actually is a lovely man and a good friend but...... My lover is/was (not sure if it's over!) a wonderful man also. He is very sexy and full of life. My H is not at all sexy, sorry to say he's let himself go, and is so laid back about life, he's got no get up and go. I have Been told that often one man ticks half the boxes and the other man ticks the other half. I think this sums it up. I understand that you probably don't want to leave your H, especially at this stage. Yes, we said our marriage promises but we also couldn't see ourselves feel I differently at the time. However.. It's an emotional rollercoaster and it rarely has a good outcome. I'm still unaware if my Om wants to ever see me again as he's told me two different things. It hurts so much and seems like such a waste. I really thought our R was 'different' that it would come good in the end but it seems like the same old story of a man not leaving his wife and now I feel stupid to have even thought it would come good. He has constantly told me we should be together since I got together with him and that's why my mind started to go that way, otherwise I wouldn't have even considered he would leave. That's why i'm pi**ed off now as he led me on then as I came round he seems to have dropped me, although he says he just needs 'space'! My advice would be to remain as emotionally unattached as you can and to expect nothing. Think like a man. As a woman this is very hard as the two go hand in hand but otherwise you will be hurt. Men have a way of saying they are struggling with it too and that you are in the same boat so you allow yourself to open up but then suddenly it's 'over' and they can shut you out as quick as that. It hurts... Please be careful. So bring on the abusive replies now from this post. I would ask those to not reply at all if that's all they cab write but it seems some can't help themselves! Stay strong Heather.

[Heather1]

Hardly a pity party! Taking myself out of an abusive situation with my IL's because my H doesn't stand up for me & I can't stand up for myself, yes I'll admit to that. I'm actually looking forward to getting stuff done around the house the next few days & have a to do list to keep busy.

 

Yes HT, we are in similar boats. My H appearance has changed a lot over the years, mostly overweight. I've brought it up only a few times for health reasons (recovering from surgeries, etc.) at the same time his Dr's were telling him to do the same. Nothing. I've never nagged him about it, I just kind of gave up. On a side note, a woman in his office had gastric bypass surgery a year ago. She looks fantastic! Not only did her appearance change & she's actually very pretty, her attitude is so much less entitled & relaxed. She's a different person. There's a lot of stuff both my H & I have done wrong in our M, and we're talking about it. I'm starting to see OM is not the solution, he's just adding to my life confusion & is kind of a catalyst to what's really wrong in my M. A future w/ him....a ha ha. This is life, this is what happens & I can see how it did. OM is my my ideal man, bigger than life & I became friends with him because I really thought he was totally out of my league on every level. It turns out, my admiration fit perfectly into his little pocket of an A. I'm very good at making people feel good about themselves, and did it with my H for years. Both men are very successful, which makes me think OM might be a younger version of my H. At least my H & I are talking about things, which is good. I realize I have no future with OM. I have to admit, I don't regret what happened. I think I needed to feel some feelings & now I get to figure out what I really want in life. Destroy 2 marriages & the drama that goes with that for an unknown outcome? I don't have that energy in me. No matter what the OM thinks of me though, I do love him & I'm glad he's in my life. I sometimes wonder if men "love."

 

I don't know if I posted this before, but watch "Shirley Valentine." That would be me right now.

[Geishawhelk]

I read your replies which many of were unpleasant, like mine, telling you to free your 'poor husband' etc- I've heard it all before and feel like I've been so slatted for my A. No one on here knows my H but he is a saint in everyones eyes! My H actually is a lovely man and a good friend ...... My H is not at all sexy, sorry to say he's let himself go, and is so laid back about life, he's got no get up and go. I have Been told that often one man ticks half the boxes and the other man ticks the other half. I think this sums it up.

 

...Might have helped if you'd been this forthcoming in your thread.

 

Yes, we said our marriage promises but we also couldn't see ourselves feel I differently at the time.

This is a cop-out.

If you have a change of heart and different emotions about your H, you deal with them with your H. You don't cop out and have an affair.

 

Think like a man. As a woman this is very hard as the two go hand in hand but otherwise you will be hurt. Men have a way of saying they are struggling with it too and that you are in the same boat so you allow yourself to open up but then suddenly it's 'over' and they can shut you out as quick as that.

 

This is grossly unfair.

A look around this forum will tell you that women can behave in exactly the same way.

And excuse me.

Please excuse me.

but - haven't you just done the same with your H.?

"shut him out as quick as that" - ?

 

It hurts... Please be careful. So bring on the abusive replies now from this post.

 

You seem to have an odd idea of what an abusive post is.

Trust me, people are neither being abusive nor cruel.

But people say it like it is.

It's rare to find an abusive post on this forum.

 

Even if you look really carefully, you won't find one.

 

You know why?

Because people report them, and Moderators delete them.