Getbusylivin Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 I have been in a relationship for the last 3 years. My girlfriend is amazingly beautiful both inside and out. But now for the but...She has since moved a considerable distance away from me. In an attempt to take a risk I "followed" her (I quote because this is a general reaction from the outside world as if I were a puppy dog following its owner) My belief is regardless the outcome of our relationship, I will grow as an individual. I love learning. In any case, time to get to the point of this post. As I said I moved to be with her but there was some time before I moved with her. In other words she had time to discover this new area all by her lonesome. In the process she has made friends in our new area. One of them being a guy. When she met this guy for the first time she told me and immediately assumed the guy was gay. Cool no big deal the man is gay (girls love having gay friends...im cool with that). Well the plot has thickened since the initial meeting. Come to find out the man isn't gay, at least not openly gay which means...he's straight. I must note, I have met the man cool dude has gay tendencies but until he's open he's straight. Now, in my opinion a set of boundaries has to be created. I trust my girl and I am very confident in my charm and handsomely good looks. So where do I draw the line with this platonic straight man and his guise of being "gay". Not only is he not gay but he does have a negative attitude about relationships which in no way can be a positive influence on my beautiful woman's mind. Recently this man has come to our apt to watch girl TV programs with my girl (while I was around duly noted) In another instance he came for lunch also while I was around. I know the game, I've played it before find common interests with a woman and give all involved the idea that it is harmless. Repeat I know the game so is his encroachment on my relationship masked behind the idea that he wants my woman. I need some words of wisdom from some people out there who have similar experiences or can empathize with my situation. Any advice or ideas please share your thoughts.
Lovegod Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 A man who is confident in himself will not feel the need to protect his woman from other men who are attracted to her. He knows that she will make her choice of whom she wants to be with. When the woman makes a choice other than you, it's time to cut her loose. This is the mindset I keep when my woman interacts with other men. I know I'm a fantastic guy and she would be stupid to make a different choice. She also seems to know this, so she doesn't bother trying to screw things up for the both of us. Not only is he not gay but he does have a negative attitude about relationships which in no way can be a positive influence on my beautiful woman's mind. You cannot control your beautiful woman's mind. She's in control of it, and she's the one who chooses to let whatever and whomever influence her. Recently this man has come to our apt to watch girl TV programs with my girl If this bothers you, you need to put your foot down and mention that spending this quality time with another man is disrespectful to you and your relationship. If she insists that you're over-reacting, and it's no big deal, then perhaps you should reconsider keeping this woman around. If she is content with disrespecting you, it will continue to happen. That's your cue to ditch her. I know the game, I've played it before find common interests with a woman and give all involved the idea that it is harmless. Repeat I know the game so is his encroachment on my relationship masked behind the idea that he wants my woman. This guy obviously doesn't respect the fact that she is involved in a relationship with you (and therefore doesn't respect you), but it is your woman's duty to reject him and inform him that his continuous presence is disrespectful and damaging to the relationship she has with you. Therefore, not only does partial blame go to the not-gay guy, but partial blame also goes to your woman. You need to discuss this issue with her in a calm, but confident manner. Again, if she feels it's okay to continue disrespecting you, you need to get rid of her.
mental_traveller Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 A man who is confident in himself will not feel the need to protect his woman from other men who are attracted to her. He knows that she will make her choice of whom she wants to be with. When the woman makes a choice other than you, it's time to cut her loose. This is the mindset I keep when my woman interacts with other men. I know I'm a fantastic guy and she would be stupid to make a different choice. She also seems to know this, so she doesn't bother trying to screw things up for the both of us. You cannot control your beautiful woman's mind. She's in control of it, and she's the one who chooses to let whatever and whomever influence her. If this bothers you, you need to put your foot down and mention that spending this quality time with another man is disrespectful to you and your relationship. If she insists that you're over-reacting, and it's no big deal, then perhaps you should reconsider keeping this woman around. If she is content with disrespecting you, it will continue to happen. That's your cue to ditch her. I like this last paragraph much better than the first one. To the OP - if it bothers you, tell her. If she isn't bothered that it bothers you, dump her. If she is genuinely into you, she i) probably wouldn't have caused this situation in the first place, or ii) doesn't realise it's a 'situation' for you at all, and as soon as she does realise she'll feel bad for you and sort it out as soon as you mention it.
Author Getbusylivin Posted October 25, 2008 Author Posted October 25, 2008 Thank you for your insight. At the moment I am hesitant to be firm with her in my belief about this "gay" friend. For two reasons. One I have just recently moved a good distance from home to be with her. Two I have no job at the moment so if I do intend on leaving her I will be without any place to live. My intention is not to go home. I feel as though this experience is going to make me a better person. So I will wait it out at least until I have my career established in my new area so then I can create a life of my own in this new city. Hell I need an adventure.
Lovegod Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 One I have just recently moved a good distance from home to be with her. That's not an issue. You can always move back or move into a different building. You should be in this city because it's what the both of you wanted, not because it's what she wanted. Two I have no job at the moment so if I do intend on leaving her I will be without any place to live. Oh Chirst. So you're basically getting her to support you. So I will wait it out at least until I have my career established in my new area so then I can create a life of my own in this new city. While it's admirable that you want to establish your career, you're using this woman and letting her disrespect you. Get a job, ANY job, pursue your career while you're working, and quit mooching off this woman while she's disrespecting you by interacting with another man. I'm in disbelief that you're not taking care of yourself primarily, relying on love to conquer all.
Author Getbusylivin Posted October 25, 2008 Author Posted October 25, 2008 Thank you for the advice I do believe love to conquer all. I believe in the idea of love and am willing to sacrifice for the cause. I have communicated my level of discomfort with this individual and have expressed my feelings. She is now in tears and believes I am forcing her to give up her friendship. Now I am at a loss as to what to do? The only option I see is letting her live her life the way she fills fit and move back home the place I least want to be. I hope this does not ruin what we have but if letting her go is my only solution then I have no choice. Again I would rather it not come to that. But when your young like myself and her these experiences are about growing and learning.
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