DearJohn Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 hi, Im glad I found this forum. I think I really needed to vent somewhere. I cant think straight anymore... I recently found out I was going back to the state I had grew up in for a week long training course for work. I will be going by myself. Wife and 2 kids are staying home. As soon as I found out I was going, the first thing I thought of was my old girlfriend from highschool. Let me back up ap little.... I was 16, she was 14 at the time.. 18 years ago... we lived close to eachother and for almost 2 years we were together everyday. It was our first real serious relationship for both of us. She was most definately my first real true love. I had some girlfriends before her, but nothing that serious. Well, things changed, for her I suppose, of course she was so young. and she started getting interested in other poeple, and eventually broke my heart. I found out she was "making out" with a good friend of mine at the time. I was utterly devastated. I remember calling my friend up to give him a peice of my mind about what he ahd done to me, and I broke down crying to him on the phone. (Being a 17 year old boy doing that was strange). I than tried to get over it after a while, had a couple other "hook ups" with other girls after that. But I always thought about her, and secretly wanted her back so bad it hurt. Almost 2 years later I met a girl through a friend things got serious, and we moved out of state together to start our life. Im now 35 years old still married to that same women with 2 girls. Things are going ok, no major problems, abit dull perhaps..but normal I guess. Backing up a bit again, I have to say that for the first five years or so after getting together with my current wife, I would think about my old sweetheart almost everyday, and I am not exaggerating. I guees after 5 years I would think about her from time to time and always seem to have very vivd dreams of her 1 or twice a month. Im not talking about sexual dreams, just normal things. For the past 10 years I would say I have thought about her maybe once a month, and stil dream about her a few times a year. I cannot explain the hook she has had in me after 18 years.... SO, back to present (or about a week ago), I googled her name just to see if it would turn anything up. Low and behold I actually found a phone number. it took a few days, but i finally got up the nerve to call her... I cannot put into words the how I was feeling at the moment I heard her voice..after 18 years, I knew it was her! she sounded the same as I remembered. I was so nervous, excited, i dont know. Keep in mind that I hadnt spoken to, heard from, heard about or even knew if she was alive for that matter. We never kept in touch or kept in touch with any mutaul friends. I was SOOOOO happy to find out she was doing good. She was also happy to hear from me. We talked for almost an hour, than ended by saying we would keep in touch via e-mail and phone from time to time. While I was talking to her I wanted to ask if we could meet up for coffee or dinner when I was in town, (she was still living in our home state, not far from where I will be going in 2 weeks) But I was so nervous, I couldnt ask... After I hung up, i was so pissed at myself for not asking to meet up, I just wasnt sure if it was the right thing to do. I could sleep that night, or do anything right all day... all I was thinking about was how I should ask her.. should I call her, email..?.? And than... I get a txt message from her saying "You mentioned coming here in a coulpe weeks, If you want maybe we can meet up for a cup of tea? It would be great to see you after all these years" :laugh::laugh: OMG!!!!! I almost had heart failure!!! I could not beleive it!!! Of course I sent back " Ill call you soon and we will arrange it!" At this point, I dont think my feet have touched the floor yet! I havent felt this happy inside in a very long time... by the way, she told me she is engaged and might be getting married sometime next year. I sent her some photos of my family, which she said she loved. I cant seem to get her out of my mind now, every second of everyday I think about her, seeing her again... I dont know what to think about all these feelings... She was the love of my life, There will always be a place in my heart for her. I am struggling with the urge I have to just spill all this out to her... for some reason I feel the need to tell her how I have felt about her my entire life.... and I thought I would live my life and die before ever seeing her again, now shes back in my life...... it is so overwhelming.. I want to tell her.. but Im afraid if I tell her any of this she might think im some kind of wierdo, and wont meet up with me... should I tell her when I meet her??? If nothing else I would love to have her as a friend.. I just dont wwant to blow it... But I really want her to know.Ive wanted her to know for 18 years.... This feels so good..and hurts at the same time.... Im glad I was able to vent a bit... reply if you feel the need..thanks
carhill Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 If you had sex with her when you were a teenager, I'd be very wary of having personal contact, given your reaction to her after all these years. In any event, you should really get your wife up to speed on the functional part of your plans. I'd save the emotional details for your memoirs. I know exactly where you're coming from but let's be honest here. The emotions you're feeling right now aren't ones you normally have for a "friend", right? Right
Lovegod Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 So she's 32 now. Those beautiful bouncy breasts are starting to sag. Those perfectly round asscheeks of hers are starting to fall down the back of her pants. Oh yeah, and there's a few noticeable age lines, she's a bit fatter, and might have some stretch marks if she's got kids. BTW, if you're not happy with your wife, then get a divorce. No need to drag her emotions through the mud while you're living out your cute little teenage fantasy.
Author DearJohn Posted October 26, 2008 Author Posted October 26, 2008 Im just going to ignore Lovegods reply.... Other thanthe fact that I wouldnt care if she was an amputee in a wheel chair.. I would still be this excited to see her again. Oh, and She hasnt had any kids, is a vegetarian, works out alot and is in good shape. And loves outdoor activities.. so Im sure shes in good shape. (much better than me I suppose). She is now engaged, and I dont think has any interest other than meeting up for coffee and chatting to catch up. And Im happy about that, she could have just told me to go f-off. I dont expect anything from her, I just have an overwhelming desire to tell her how I have felt about her all these years.. I dont know why, I just feel like I need to tell her. I guess its just a selfish desire... Im sure she doesnt feel the same. And thats OK. But would it be so bad to tell her and than just say goodbye again, possibly forever because she may not want to have anything to do with me after I spill it.
carhill Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 Walked this path and have seen the realities behind the apparent simplicity. Trust me, it won't work out as you envision. Happy for you to prove me wrong, sincerely Update us after your trip. We can compare notes....
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