simon0707 Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Ok, I'll try to make a long story short. 2 months ago, i broke up with my gf of a year and 8 months. i thought i was in love with her, she's absolutely head over heels for me. but even 6 months into the relantioship, I was starting to have doubts and just wondered and missed being single. But I never acted on those 'urges'. I would never cheat on her, and never did. the last couple of months of our relationship we becamse somewhat distant, mainly 'cause I wasn't as commited into the relationship and just really wanted to experience being single again. and somewhat also because i've been busy trying to get my **** together and whatnot. (ie job, school, car) anyways, since we've been broken up, i\ve been on 2 dates. slept with one girl, gotten a bj from a guy, and just been really f'd up. I dont know what im doing. i dont know if im straight or gay even. by the way, im 20 years old. i know i'm into girls, and wuold never ever kiss a guy and find that completely repulsive. but the blowjob i was offered money for, and it did feel good, but i would never see myself with a guy or cuddling with a guy or anything like that. i also went down on the guy but thought it was pretty gross, but i asked him to do it cause i was curious. if anyone could shed any light to this or have any advice, i would really really appreciate it. anything will help. thank you all for reading all this. and im sorry if i posted this in the wrong section.
BCCA Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 I'm guessing youre between 18-24. First, just realize that experimenting is not a big deal, and doesnt make you gay. You had an encounter with a guy, dont seem to like it, and dont seem like youll be doing it again. At least you know for sure now. It sounds like you've been having an emotional rollercoaster ride because you were confused about what you felt. You liked this girl, but realized she wasnt the right one, yet you stuck it out a while because you didnt know what to do. When you decided to end it, you went through that 'now what' period, where you're trying to figure out your next move. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to jump right into something else, or feel like you need to find another relationship right away. Just enjoy being single and everything that goes with it. The part that concerns me the most is that you seemed to have been propositioned for oral sex. You were essentially a prostitute. Dont do that to yourself, its a bad road to travel, and some people fall too far into it to pull themselves out. Just take a deep breath, realize that no one thing you did/do defines who you are forever. Do what feels right and makes you happy.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 I guess only you can really tell if you're gay or bi, or bi-curious. It can be really hard to tell! Personally, I've always found girls attractive, and in highschool I definately had huge crushes on some girls I knew. I always wondered if I was Bi maybe, but never really worried too much about it. I had a gut feeling I knew the answer, but never knew what to make of my feelings. This summer was when it all changed for me. I met this AMAZING girl while abroad, shes gay, and honestly just like, incredible. Everything I'd want in a person. I think thats when I realized I am definatly bi. Her and I wont ever date, we live so far apart, and I doubt she even will remember me in a year or so... but she really changed my world. That being said, I've never actually dated a girl. The idea of cuddling a girl just seems SO weird to me. So does fooling around with one. But... that being said, if I met the right girl, I felt the chemistry, and she was bi/gay too, then I'd be willing to give it a shot. She'd just have to take it slow with me and understand I was definately stepping out of my comfort zone. So... as an answer/advice to your am I gay/bi question... I guess, only you know the answer. Maybe you were just curious, maybe you're gay/bi, who knows. I think eventually though, it will clear itself up. For now, I wouldn't stress too much, just do what makes you happy and see where life takes you.
GoGators2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Ok, I'll try to make a long story short. 2 months ago, i broke up with my gf of a year and 8 months. i thought i was in love with her, she's absolutely head over heels for me. but even 6 months into the relantioship, I was starting to have doubts and just wondered and missed being single. But I never acted on those 'urges'. I would never cheat on her, and never did. the last couple of months of our relationship we becamse somewhat distant, mainly 'cause I wasn't as commited into the relationship and just really wanted to experience being single again. and somewhat also because i've been busy trying to get my **** together and whatnot. (ie job, school, car) anyways, since we've been broken up, i\ve been on 2 dates. slept with one girl, gotten a bj from a guy, and just been really f'd up. I dont know what im doing. i dont know if im straight or gay even. by the way, im 20 years old. i know i'm into girls, and wuold never ever kiss a guy and find that completely repulsive. but the blowjob i was offered money for, and it did feel good, but i would never see myself with a guy or cuddling with a guy or anything like that. i also went down on the guy but thought it was pretty gross, but i asked him to do it cause i was curious. if anyone could shed any light to this or have any advice, i would really really appreciate it. anything will help. thank you all for reading all this. and im sorry if i posted this in the wrong section. You're gay I'm sorry to say (hey it rhymed:p) and what are you looking for on advice? Do you wanna know if you're gay or if you could salvage the relationship, or what is it?
Author simon0707 Posted October 25, 2008 Author Posted October 25, 2008 Thanks for the replies. means a lot, honestly. i guess i just wanted someone to shed some light on whether this 'experimenting' phase is normal as i am 20. i find LOTS of girls attractive, and i've never thought romantically about a guy, but i can tell when a guy is goodlooking. i never see a guy on the street and get turned on, but i do see girls and get really turned on. i have watched gay porn before, but i think what i like about gay porn is the 'gay for pay' ones. i like the fact that the guy at the beginning isnt interested in getting a blowjob from another guy, but then is turned on. it's the fact that he doesn't want it and then can't get enough of it. i hope that made sense. i do love everything about girls. the smell, look, their hair, back, legs, arms, eyes, everything. i'm completely confused though. and i also wanted to know whether this wanting to be single even though my ex is great is normal. i totally wana be with her, but i also wana be single. dont know what to do thanks once again
Touche Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 I have no idea if you're gay, bi, straight or whatever...but what I do know is that you're absolutely not ready for any kind of committed relationship. Let her go. You're young. Experiment and you'll end up finding out down the line what (who's) right for you.
Author simon0707 Posted October 26, 2008 Author Posted October 26, 2008 You say I'm not ready for a relationship because of the way im feeling, right? Is it normal? Like, this girl is amazing. she makes me smile, makes me wana hold her all the time, makes me wana kiss her constantly, and here i am, wanting to be single and pretty much have sex with other girls. i don't wana feel this way, but I don't know why i do. I'm so stupid. How can i not even know if im gay or straight!? This doesn't make any sense to me.
ChickenAce Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 I find it hard the thought of being with a guy but hey if it was in your nature to try something the most important thing is your okay with it. With people I think the most important thing is you let them know you always love them in some way or another. I wish we were more in control than we sometimes are. Good Luck.
ioncebelieved Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 This thread reminded me of that saying, "You suck one d$%k and you are gay." If it bothers you that you allowed another guy to do that, then you have an issue at hand. You must figured your own sexuality out. As children most of us had things like you describe happen with other kids. At the time, it certainly would not make you gay or bi as an adult because you did them. In your case, you are old enough to know right from wrong, and what type of sexual activity you desire and want. If you were my close friend and confided in me telling me you allowed this, I would not think badly of you. I am speaking from a heterosexual male perspective. If you said you were bi or gay, I would just think that was your business and as long as you didn't try any funny stuff on me, we would be cool. You must get a grip on the issues that complicate your life or they will get a handle on you.
Dominique Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 Personally I do not believe that there is such a thing as "Bi". You are one or the other. The fact that you did this at a relatively mature age is an indication to many that you might be homosexual. I see something else... Psychological factors rather than something "innate". If you are so attracted to women as you say, then you are not homosexual. However, that you are watching this nature of porn that you are is disturbing. That you like certain story lines in these kinds of movies indicates some unresolved issues in your mind. I believe that people are seriously influenced by what they watch in movies or on television--most of it negative. This gets "lodged" in the brain and one acts on it, particularly when the personality is weak and what we see becomes all the more influential. When a person is having serious emotional issues, identity issues, this tendency becomes worse, as one feels overwhelmed by outside behaviors as if they are the behaviors to copy. My advice: Cut out the movies (this junk is depressing in any case). Distance yourself from relationships. Look at areas in your life that are not well, not balanced. Dig deep into any traumas or insecurities in your life and do some self-questioning. You need to think. So cut out all the distractions and people and just think. The last thing you will want in life is a double life. DOM
Author simon0707 Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 I don't know the issues that complicate my life. i think i love my ex, and i wana be with her, but i just cant cheat on her. so I broke up with her so I can experiment more. It just seems so wrong to me, and it really hurts me. she doesn't deserve it. I see myself marrying this girl, but there's part of me that wants to be able to say to my friends that I'm successfull with girls and can get lots of them. I dont' wana be like that, but I can\t help it. It''s so stupid. when we were together, i would look at the relationship and go "...now what?". what happens after? we're only 20. we won't get married anytime soon. do i really wana be only with one girl and not know anything else while i'm so young? And what's driving me crazy is that I don't know whether i'm gay or straight or bi. I just don't. thanks for the replies. means a lot.
Author simon0707 Posted October 28, 2008 Author Posted October 28, 2008 i hate bringing back a thread noone answered back to but i'm freaking out i don't know what to do. i wouldn't say i'm thinking about suicide, but i think im close to it. Since I've broken up with my ex and gotten than bj from the guy, i've been wondering more and more whether im gay or not. i've been seeing men in a different way. I don't know. Do gay guys ONLY find men attractive? I dont wana feel this way. I thought Id be happier single but I'm not. I dont know why I missed being single. i guess it does have its positive side. i don't know who I am anymore. I'm usually so optimistic and happy, but I have no motivation to do anything anymore. Maybe it's the crappy weather.
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