Cub Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 And it's not over yet... I can usually handle these problems on my own, and I have a good idea of what to do, but I need a second, third, fourth and fifth opinion to be sure that my emotional attachments aren't clouding my judgment. You guys saved me before - don't let me down now. So as you've probably already guessed, I'm having trouble with my current girlfriend. Well, actually, I'm not even sure if I should be concerned, but I tend to miss key details when I get distraught. She and I have been an item for a good while now, and everything was going well until the beginning of this week. By how she carried herself, I could tell on Tuesday that there was something wrong, and when I asked her if she wanted to hang out that night she, instead of refusing, avoided the question; people tend to do that when they're hiding something. So I called her that night to ask what the problem was... no response. Alright, I figured she was out. Actually, I didn't mind at that point; I don't particularly enjoy being around people anyway, especially those I like. My own psychological issues - not really relevant. I didn't catch that there was something wrong until the next day. Since we go to college together, I see her every day, but on Wednesday she skipped. That didn't set off bells either; she skips sometimes, not a problem. And when she failed to respond to my call later on in the day, I was still rather undisturbed - in fact I had another problem absorbing my attention. This is where I get confused. You see, I've been dealing with depression since my youth. It's partly clinical, partly psychological, and a huge nuisance; it hits pretty sporadically, but I can expect it every several months. I don't usually tell the people around me when I feel it because I know they'll expect a reason. Just telling them that it's a disorder is apparently not enough to avoid their prodding, and saying I just want to be left alone just makes them cling harder. Go figure. But I digress... The diagnosis isn't nearly as important as the cure. I've always just taken some medication and waited for it to go away, but not this time; this time I went to my closest friend for help and he offered me a cure: weed. Yeah, yeah, drugs are bad, but so is depression. It went against my better judgment, but I did it, and it worked... kinda. The drugs elevated my depression, then neutralized it, then released it through hysterical laughter. Good stuff, but bad move. In my haste to find relief, I'd forgotten the promise I made to my girlfriend; I promised that I wouldn't do drugs with my friends if she didn't drink. It's a strange promise, I know, but we share a lot of the same, fundamental flaws. But moving on - the next day, Thursday, I was still feeling the effects of the high. I couldn't focus and was in a very mellow mood, until I came across her. Well, actually, I tracked her down; moving this story back to her, she sent me a text that read, "Guess what? I'm alive! That is all," right before I came across her. We met, she hugged me, said she was tired, then kicked me when I giggled. I can't remember how she found out (probably because of how I was acting), but she did, and she was maaaaaaaaaaaad. Because of my dull state, I could only laugh in reaction to her anger, and she drove of looking quite disgusted. Now I KNOW she's not talking to me. So, I just decided to leave her alone. And I can't help but suspect that this isn't the only thing bothering her - I've known her for years, and I can tell when she's not altogether. I think leaving her alone is the right thing, and I know she wouldn't answer even if I called, but am I right to just back off? After all we've been through together, if she left me because of a slip, I'd know she was planning to leave me anyway, so I could take comfort in knowing we were doomed from the start, but I can't stand the thought of her being unhappy... I love her. And I have my pride to think of, so I'm not going to grovel. I'm pretty sure she finds it unappealing too. But what do you guys think?
4givrnt4gtr Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 No No No!!! do NOT leave her alone.... Her "guess what? Im alive!" text sounds rather sarcastic...it could actually be read as "wow you have not checked on me in three days! I could be dead for all you know and you wouldnt even notice! thanks a lot!!" If you feel something is wrong with her you've gotta show her you are concerned. Be extra nice about it, but dont put it on you. As in, ask her if there's something that is bothering her, and if she needs anything but dont say "what did I do". Ask her if she would like you to come over and maybe you could help her solve whatever she is going thru. Now if she says "no i want to be alone" THEN leave her alone...but dont just not even ask whats going on. It makes you look uncaring. Even if she doesnt answer you call, still leave her a message. The point is to let her know you care about her and want to make whatever is going on better.
Author Cub Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 I thought it was sarcastic too, but I figured it was more of a "leave me alone" thing. I had called her, but she didn't answer and didn't call back... but I'm still not sure. Maybe an email or something?
bhweller Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 there are other things you can do for depression and most of them are less expensive than weed, legal and won't piss off your girlfriend. meditation martial arts tai chi yoga herbs ( legal ones ) you can also do all those things WITH your girlfriend which could be really cool.
Author Cub Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 OK, I took 4givrnt4gtr's advice and called her. To my surprise, she answered, but I could immediately tell that she was upset with me. We spoke for a while; I explained the situation to her and she expressed her concern, then things just felt off. We kinda sat silently on the phone until she had to go... nothing like our normal conversations. So I told her to call me when she got back home, but I'm not sure if she will... I wonder now if there was any permanent damage done, or if she's actually gotten over it.
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