Eyeofthoth Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Well, I am an oldster, not like some of you out there who have so much youth left to squander . . . After a messy divorce that isn't even over yet, finally meeting my true love, having him dump me, still being in love with him, dating about 10 other guys since with no spark . . . People do just give up on love, don't they? All that dating is so time-consuming, and I have my own life to take care of first, especially since even if I do find love again, I will have to be sure I can afford to be dumped again . . . I am having a lot of days where I feel like I should just accept that I lost my true love and go into quiet mourning for the rest of my days . . . Maybe he will come back some day, but if not I will just spend my time volunteering in soup kitchens and on hospital wards, stop thinking about how great it would be to have a partner that I really love . . .
amaysngrace Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 True love needs to be reciprocated in order for it to be called "true" IMO. Maybe it was once but unfortunately it isn't any longer. I'm sorry that you are hurting so deeply right now. Just know it's for a reason. It'll make sense one day maybe just not today. Be glad that you have so much love in your heart to give someone. You never know, one day you may look back on all of this and be glad that this happened. And you'll have a special someone in your life who's glad for it too. Deep breath shoulders back and chin up. XO
BCCA Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 I think post-breakup dating is the most frustrating thing in the world. You're just trying to find someone new to care for, and get over your ex, and without fail, every person you meet for a while is going to be a complete douche. Don't give up on your happiness or feel that there was only one person out there who you could love. It takes time and a whole lot of patience to find true love. I'm guessing that your ex wasn't the first person you ever dated, fell in love with, and that was that. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince. The absolute worst thing you can do is just concede being alone and unhappy forever. While it might seem like that at times, I promise you, it will get better and you will find someone else.
Author Eyeofthoth Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 "True love needs to be reciprocated in order for it to be called "true" IMO. Maybe it was once but unfortunately it isn't any longer." I know, right? If he had died, my little mournful plan might seem tragic, but since he dumped me it just sounds pathetic "I'm guessing that your ex wasn't the first person you ever dated, fell in love with, and that was that. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince." Yeah, I would say "true love," meaning both full-on and wholly reciprocated, has hit me three times now. I just don't have the two decades or so in between each of them to wait anymore, or else I will be around 70 next time . . . On the other hand, the first two times, I wasn't even looking, so as long as I am out there kissing those frogs . . . who knows. "The absolute worst thing you can do is just concede being alone and unhappy forever. While it might seem like that at times, I promise you, it will get better and you will find someone else. " Thank you. The thing is, I know I would start flirting with the homeless guys in the soup kitchen if I was out there all the time, so . . . let's hope I can do a little bit better than that! Thanks guys. I saw the ex last week, and we were still so effortlessly connected that it just made all those WTF feelings come surging back to me. Guess that is what N/C is for, but I am actually really glad I saw him.
Geishawhelk Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 I know strictly speaking it's not a question asked of a lady, but as one lady to another - how old are you? I do have a reason for asking...
Author Eyeofthoth Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 No problem. I just turned 53. Never thought I would be back out dating at this age.
You'reasian Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 No problem. I just turned 53. Never thought I would be back out dating at this age. Hey, I like younger women
Lizzie60 Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Is love too much trouble? I don't know.. I haven't been in love for some time now.. Do I miss it? not one bit.. I don't think love is trouble.. relationship is... I wouldn't mind being in love again.. but keeping my space.. my house.. my things.. The 'living with someone' is too much trouble for me..
ioncebelieved Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 I think post-breakup dating is the most frustrating thing in the world. You're just trying to find someone new to care for, and get over your ex, and without fail, every person you meet for a while is going to be a complete douche. Don't give up on your happiness or feel that there was only one person out there who you could love. It takes time and a whole lot of patience to find true love. I'm guessing that your ex wasn't the first person you ever dated, fell in love with, and that was that. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince. The absolute worst thing you can do is just concede being alone and unhappy forever. While it might seem like that at times, I promise you, it will get better and you will find someone else. Or you find someone that is totally into you and you just aren't feeling it, like me right now!
carhill Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 OP, you're a mature woman with a lot of life experience. Do what makes you happy. I know my wife said in MC that if our M doesn't work out, she's "not doing it" anymore. I believe her. She'll be 50 next year. I think she'd be quite happy living her life and not being married or in a relationship. Anyone can be. It's all in our minds Best wishes with whatever choice you make. You can always change your mind later
popey Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Some relationships (even if they involve love) are more trouble than they are worth. Wether or not experiencing the actual love is those situations is worth it, idk. Not that this makes everything better, but if volunteer work is something you value, maybe you could find an outlet for that where you'd be more likely to meet people that you could develop fulfilling relationships with- regardless of love or dating.
BCCA Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Or you find someone that is totally into you and you just aren't feeling it, like me right now! I've had that happen, too. Then, you almost feel bad for not being into them because you still have your breakup fresh in your mind and remember how bad it hurt. I always try to be as honest as possible from the jump. I've gotten a few 'your loss' comments and such, but at least I didnt string anyone along. Some relationships (even if they involve love) are more trouble than they are worth. Quote of the day. In my last relationship, I was very much in love, but at the same time, the frustration and dissapointment that went along with it just aren't worth it to me anymore. If nothing else, I know what Im looking for now a days, and what red flags to avoid.
Author Eyeofthoth Posted October 25, 2008 Author Posted October 25, 2008 Ya. Really what I am saying is that the heartbreak is not worth it. Seeking for something all this time, and finally finding it, just to have him say . . . um . . . Hey -- I know I pursued you and convinced you to be my girlfriend, but now that you are, and you have given your entire heart to me, I have to say -- I'm really not so sure. I think, actually, that I may have left the gas on in another building. . . I mean WTF, WTF, WTF???????????????? Yes Carhill. I am a mature woman. And a fantastic, beautiful, intelligent and very funny one to boot. And this counts for? Love is just illusions, after all. Maybe I am done, or maybe I am going to keep three boyfriends at a time from now on, just in case one of them decides that "oops," he has left the gas on in another building. Wish it were so simple. The one who left the gas on will inevitably be the only one I really love. . . .
carhill Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 OP, I think sharing the happiness and depth of one's soul is worth the heartbreak and the risk. YMMV, of course. I don't know why, but I've always seen it that way. It's nice to have a bit of company along the path. Interesting path, existence is
Author Eyeofthoth Posted October 25, 2008 Author Posted October 25, 2008 Oh Carhill -- I do so agree . . . There is nothing else, really, is there?
avenger Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 I am going to keep three boyfriends at a time from now on, just in case one of them decides that "oops," he has left the gas on in another building. Wish it were so simple. The one who left the gas on will inevitably be the only one I really love. . . . Ha 3 boy friends lol good luck with that...... When you want a pair of shoes to buy you dont put one one reebok on your left foot and on nike on your right foot and walk around.... It will feel funny and maybe uncomfortable. I left my gf of 2 1/2 yrs. she cheated on me with another guy but tried to hold on to me that method that you said you may use with the 3 bfs. What if one who truely love you find out that he is one of three and leave then you just shot yourself in the foot like my ex lol. But me I realized that no one can truely make you happy except for god himself and you. That is all that really matters... And lighten up at least you dont have to sit through a football game on mondays/sundays/saturdays assuming you are not a football woman. Me I picked up weight lifting after I left my ex. I do have a somewhat better body now. It is her loss she could have had a nice guy with a good body but she cheated on me with a larger guy and she ended up putting on the pounds in result eating out with him... at least I hear the guy feeds her. Don't dwell on what you dont have and be thankful for what you do have. God bless:bunny:
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