hopefulInFuture Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 I am so mad right now... I thought I would never let anyone make fun of me like this... I feel so angry!!!! My boyfriend was traveling to Prague for an event and had to come back yesterday. Yesterday at lunch he called me saying that he can't come back because his team (his manager and other two guys) decided to have an emergency meeting on the fiscal year closure in Prague today. Well, I was fine with it... Until this morning I called one of these two guys to ask him something related to work (we work together) and this guy told me that he came back from Prague yesterday. I was so unhappy... got struck by lightening... Why he lied to me I thought to myself... So I called him today at lunchtime and asked him casually who was there at the meeting today in Prague. And he said again the name of this guy. I did not say anything. After we hung up, I called the Hotel and asked them to pass me my boyfriend. They first told me they did not have anybody with this name. Then I called back and hotel told me that he checked out yesterday... So again via email I asked him again how the meeting was going and who was there still... And he said again that this guy was there in the room with him. He does not know I spoke with this guy and he was at home enjoying his kids! It hurts so much. I am angry! I feel like telling him I know everything you bstrd. But I don't know what to do... I try to understand why he lied to me... If he wanted to just stay over the weekend he could have told me... But not like this... Not via lies... Would you dump him over this?
tinke Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 trust is a major factor for a healthy relationship, would you be able to fully trust his words in the future? Only you know.
Geishawhelk Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 You bet your sorry ass. First of all get the truth. Whn he comes in, just calmly tell him, "I spoke to so-and-so, and i spoke to the hotel, so let's try again: Let's give you one more chance to tell me how this non-existent meeting went." Then shut up and let him fill the silence. I'm thinking there's a tiny, slim almost imperceptible chance he's planning to give you a surprise for Christmas. However, it could well be half the amount of gifts round the tree, as a result......
Author hopefulInFuture Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 I guess I posted my question wrongly. What I wanted to ask was if these lies demonstrate that he did something really wrong or whether it could be something minor. What I am deciding is whether to close it here or to have a chat with him because it could actually be something not as big as an affair. I don't know... Would you trust a man like this? Thanks
Author hopefulInFuture Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 What surprise are you talking about? Sorry English is not my first language so I don't always understand well. Do you mean that he's seeing someone else? Actually I asked a colleague to find out whether my boyfriend's manager and his other colleague were actually in Prague... If they all left yesterday...I'll kick his... Sorry I am just so angry!
Geishawhelk Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 He lied to you. Twice. You checked up on him. Twice. Only you will be able to tell if he is being honest when you say to him - you're a liar! It depends what excuse he has. But if he becomes all angry and defensive, ("Why are you checking up on me - ?!")then I think he has something major to hide.
Author hopefulInFuture Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 Thanks for all your replies... They're really helping a lot to calm me down... I know I have to think this through but right now I can't deal with my emotions... my anger... this is all so fresh... I even started thinking he's there with his ex... or maybe even somebody new...ready to replace me... Who knows .
Author hopefulInFuture Posted October 25, 2008 Author Posted October 25, 2008 it hurts so much being lied to. He kept calling ma yesterday the whole evening and sending me messages to know what's wrong with me. I replied we'd talk on Monday. I need to think through my emotions. How could he lie to me like this. I asked him yesterday if he wanted to tell me something and as though he did not understand. I woke up this morning again with his message on my mobile asking me what happened. Should not he know already what happened? He knows better than I do what happened. I did not reply. If he writes me back I am going to tell him to give me time till Monday. I don't want to neither see him nor talk to him. I want to digest.
Geishawhelk Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 You know what, maybe if he texts you again, just reply, "I know there was no meeting. Checked with *colleague's name* and Hotel. You weren't there. You lied to me. Don't talk to me now. I am so angry. We'll talk on Monday and I don't want BS." Then go No Contact until then. That will give him something to think about
Author hopefulInFuture Posted October 25, 2008 Author Posted October 25, 2008 Thanks for your replies. I really appreciate it... I want to wait till monday also because I want to know whether the other 2 guys from work remained in Prague and I won't know this until Monday. I need to know how big of a lie he's telling me...
Geishawhelk Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 No. I'd push his buttons now, because he knows whatever he says, that you can check up on him.... "Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive...!" The more he digs, the more he will bury himself. Right up to his neck. But hey, look.... you do things your way if you prefer. I'm just looking at it from my angle. Sure if I were you, I might do what you're doing. I personally see nothing wrong in making him aware NOW, that he's messed up big time....
Author hopefulInFuture Posted October 26, 2008 Author Posted October 26, 2008 he wrote to me again and I replied back that I had spoken to Adam, the guy who works with us and who was supposed to be with him in the meeting. I did not yet tell him about the hotel. He replied that he was sorry I thought he lied to me and that Adam had taken a day off and was doing the meeting via conference call. I think he's lying to me. He told me that Adam was with them clubbing the day actually Adam came back home. How could have he gone clubbing and made it in time to fly back? This is unbelievable to me. And if so why didn't he mention to me the day before that Adam had gone back home considering that we talked about Adam. Adam is a very fun guy and we were chatting about this. Plus the day after when they were having this "strange" meeting I asked him who was in the meeting he replied to me along the other 2 that Adam was there. Why couldn't he say that Adam was connected via a call? Am I being paranoid? I can't believe him. Are you also seeing the discrepancies I am seeing? And it makes me hate this all even more knowing that he's got no courage to tell me the truth because this to me means he's a huge lier. How could I have never guessed this? How could I trust him like this? I am in a position that I no longer care what our co-workers may think. On Monday I am ready to call all of them up and ask directly what they were doing on Friday. I NEED to know the truth. And if he's lied to me and if he's lied to me again to cover up, I will never ever trust this man again.
Geishawhelk Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 .....And if he's lied to me and if he's lied to me again to cover up, I will never ever trust this man again. I take it you mean, you're not going to stick around to ever be in the position of having to trust him again...... .....Don't you?
Author hopefulInFuture Posted October 26, 2008 Author Posted October 26, 2008 Geishawhelk, firstly thank you for your support. You're the only one who replies and thank you. Yes this is what I mean. Am I wrong?
Geishawhelk Posted October 26, 2008 Posted October 26, 2008 No. It would be really interesting to get to the bottom of this, but you have given him so many opportuntites to come clean and tell you exactly what was going on, and he's passed them all up. At no time has he tried to be honst, but he's just been piling lie upon lie.... By all means check up with his work colleagues. But the fact that Adam didn't confirm he was on a conference call... and this clubbing thing.....and coming back from Prague the day before...... oh, good grief! You know what? It all stinks, huh? By all means get to the bottom of it if it would make you feel better. But I think his days as your BF are numbered!
BackonTrack2 Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 he's cheating or has cheated on you. by you talking, your only giving him a heads up that you know something is going on. he is taking you for a fool. appears that you are madly in-love with him. if your cool with the cheating just tell him "Baby, I know your cheating on me, and its OK, just be safe and use protection and make sure you know who your GF is" then he'll probably stop or deny it and go deeper in his cheating ways. but this is the beginning of the end of you do nothing.
Author hopefulInFuture Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 who said that I am doing nothing? This is not what I intend to do. I know that he fooled me. I do not believe what he told me. I am actually doing no contact with him for the past 48 hours. Initially he sent quite a bit of messages and even called many times. But now it stopped. At least I am grateful for this. I guess I am doing him a favor that he does not have to justify himself in front of me. I already know that he lied to me and I find it worthless to talk about this right now. I am hurt and I cannot confront him right now. Having said this, yes, I loved this man. I thought he was a great guy. But how can a great guy keep lying to me like this? I don't think a person who loves you can continue lying like this. Everyone makes mistakes but he should have at least told me the truth when he understood that I already knew something. Yet, he opted not to. I feel awful. it hurts being lied to and it hurts even more knowig that a person who lied to you does not want to acknowledge his responsibilities. I take it that this is because he's used to this type of behaviour and really cares less. I am preying God to get through the additional several days without contacting him so that I can feel better. Deep in my heart I know that I can't trust this man .
Peter_pan Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 yeah your better without this guy. if it were me i would let them know you know and then say that is that and dont contact me again. and rebuild your life without them. move on and live life
quankanne Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 He replied that he was sorry I thought he lied to me ooh, this is NOT something you tell someone when you're up to no good … because he's trying to make it look like YOU are the one with the problem, not him. based on that particular little statement, I'd say he's hiding something.
Author hopefulInFuture Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 I actually do know that he lied to me... But what I don't understand why he lied to me about this. He does not know I know but I do know that he actually stayed over in Prague because he wanted to hang out with some guys. I found the receipts that he was in discoteque on that night. I know when he entered, when he left and how many people he was with. Considering that I am a very open minded person, I know that people sometimes need to have their own space and their own friends and their own fun. But what I don't understand why he could not have simply told me that this is what he wanted. The fact that we had an appointment that was canceled due to this is of course making me sad, but I do understand. I guess he did not want to tell me that he was canceling our appointment because he wanted to simply hang out with some guys. Anyhow, I already dwelled too much on this relationship. So, i am doing better. I already know that this relationship is not for me. But not only for this reason, for a whole bunch of reasons. I entered this relationship thinking that he was a specific type of person, but a whole bunch of signs are telling me that he's not. We have different priorities, different sensibilities and different needs and objectives for life. Considering that he's 37 and I am 33, I can't stick around waiting if he will ever understand my needs. It's profoundly sad when you love someone and you understand that you're simply not made for each other. But this is the only truth here. And I can only wish him all the happiness of this world and go on my own way. I am not obsessive and I am very independent, with a very successful career, but I am a type of person who puts the people she cares about as the top priority. Nothing could come before that for me. He's too different from me based on what I learned during the past few months. He's too much into his career. This is his top priority. Our conversations have become 99% related to his work asking me for advises about what he should do because he treasures my input and ideas to be successful at work... But it's been so many months that we have not had that heart-to-heart talk. and I am so profound and sensitive and I earn for the type of intimity where you just can talk about anything: your feelings, your desires, your objectives with life. He spends 99% of his time working or taking out for dinner important people. I don't want and won't hinder his aspirations. But this is not what I want for my life... I want to live my life differently. Spending my free time with the people I care about and helping out the others... I want to spend my life enjoying the beauty of nature, sport and so many wonderful things that our life has given us. Thanks to everybody for all your support. it's been wonderful and extremely useful. Hugs
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