EmperorR Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 sorry it may be a bit long [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I've been at this forum since about September when I registered. My ex dumped me after being together for 3 years. I was to embarrassed to admit at first that she cheated on me, went away for two weeks on vacation and screwed some new guy she just met 3 times, because he was "sweet and nice". My ex was not even remorseful and like a fool I still wanted her back, I did it all cards, poetry, text messages, flowers. When i saw her the next time I didn't even bring it up, even though it was killing me inside. I told her I forgave and forgot and wanted to work on our relationship, but she did not want that and said she did not love me anymore and kicked me to the curb.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I felt like crap for a long time, lost like 15 pounds in 3 weeks, I had no appetite, every night going to bed crying, at work in the washroom crying, praying every day to God begging her to come back, feeling like I wanted to die. Thinking about her 24/7 feeling that I could not go on with her.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I tried NC at first to win her back, but it did not last I was weak, she was my best friend, the person I loved, so I kept cracking calling her, texting her, which just pushed her further away, whenever I mentioned us it was like poison to her. I went along with that "friends" crap because literally I was alone I gave up all my friends (yes I know) for her because she was jealous, controlling. I guess that is why no contact was so hard for me, every day I would tell myself Don't contact her then I felt like crap and got my little fix then felt horrible after.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Then I finally smartened up and did FULL COLD NC, blocked her from facebook, msn, yahoo, aim, put all the pictures cards away, deleted her number. At first I did not know if I could do it, but every day got a little easier, trust me it does. I went from being pathetic clingy person, who thought my ex was to good for me, ya thinking a cheater was to good for me[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]It's now been 30 days of NC for me, and while I still miss my ex sometimes, I know it's for the best. It's funny how my ex told me to forget about us get lost, in the past 30 days she has contacted me 3 times, once even on what would have been our 3 year anniversary asking for a 2 dollar notebook, I deleted that text message, as soon I received it, a month before I would be jumping all over getting my hopes up. Now shrugs, but like a idiot I was curious and unblocked her facebook and saw that she is dating someone new, i felt bad for a bit, but then I learnt another valuable lesson, even if your curious DON'T. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Today is a new day and I'm taking the next step, I'm shredding all the cards, pictures, throwing out everything she ever gave me. The main reason I had them stored was because incase she ever came back, but I'm now at the point of not wanting that. My ex told me she could do better, and that we had nothing in common, and I was dumb to believe it, if I ever listed what I did for my ex these past three years, I would get mocked, laughed at, for doing all of that while she did nothing. But I do agree I have nothing in common with her, I'm faithful she's a cheater, I'm honest and truthful, she's a liar.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] The Best Revenge is happiness, I'm not saying I'm fully recovered, some days I still feel like crap, but there are more good days than bad days now. I still feel alone sometimes, but this time is giving me time to reconnect with old friends, and meet new people, slowly but surely I will get my trust back.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Basically the moral of my story is, I've been through it all, been cheated on, lied to, heartbroken, had no friends because of her so I had to go through this alone, no family near me to depend on. Been through the temptations, my only friend still trying to contact me, when I’m all alone just wanting to talk to someone and I had to not pick up the phone or answer any text messages. Yet through NC, determination and of course the help of LS I was able to do it.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Don't make anyone steal your Joy.[/FONT][/COLOR]
Rafa Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Hey EmperorR, Don't forget, you've always got a load of friends here on LS! I know what you mean about shredding the cards and pics. There is still a little pile of cards that my ex sent me (some just random, saying how she falls more in love with me with each passing week - what a joke!) that I really must get rid of. It's so hard, but I know she isn't coming back so whats the use of keeping them. Sounds like you're doing really well. I think I'm a little bit behind you on the recovery stakes, probably because I stupidly called my ex the other day. Big mistake. Well done, Keep up the NC...
Sysyphus28 Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 It feels like we have had a similar experience. I have been NC for 5-6 weeks. It has become easier. Certain things did come to light. I was treated like a total piece of SH** from this person I thought "loved me". The anger has been hard. I feel like she doesn't even care what she did. The fact is. She doesn't. Wow. That is so hard to accept. I tried to get her back..........thats the big problem, My neediness made me look like a jackass. I looked and felt like a loser. She is actually back in NY right now F-ing her NEW b/f. She called three times a few weekends ago. I never called her back because it felt like it would be a real waste of time. No matter what.......she was still going to go back to NY and F her new man. I was lost in the cycle saying "but she told me she loved me?!" "She told me she couldn't picture herself without me" I am still caught up remembering how awesome last years holiday's that I spent with her were. I am still struggling to be without her in my life and I still feel like I lost a valuable person. When is NC going to work for me? When will I stop longing to talk to this horrible cheater/liar? 3 days in a row I will be smiling, then I'll have a crap morning and think about how much I want to call her. This has been really hard on me. SHe hurt me deeply, and my doormat actions enabled it. Within the last 5-6 weeks my eyes have been opening. NC has caused me to WAKE UP and smell the coffee. Unfortunatley the coffee doesn't smell that good. I still miss her.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 I'm in the same boat as you both Emp and Sys. I was gonna type out my long description, but I'm sure you've read my threads, and in the end I guess... Its nice to be moving on. I have a date today. I'm 100% nervous even though its completely casual because I'm scared I could fall in love again, and I'm scared of moving on. Its kinda a big step for me, even if the guy and I don't click, its still huge! One I let myself love another man, whoever that next man is, I know in my heart I will NEVER look back at my ex. Thats terrifying. Its the final farewell. And Emp, you may be to embarrased to say all the things you did for your ex when she did nothing in return, but believe me, I have my share of doormat stories too. Oddly enough, and perhaps this is because I have trained myself so strongly not to care, even now, I don't regret my doormat-activities. They were what I convinced myself I wanted, so its not that bad. I'm glad they've been put to an end though. As much as it sucks, my ex leaving me for another woman ended up putting me out of my misery. I let sooo much go while dating that guy. Too much. No wonder he fell out of love with me!
Peter_pan Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 As much as it sucks, my ex leaving me for another woman ended up putting me out of my misery. I let sooo much go while dating that guy. Too much. No wonder he fell out of love with me! what did you let go of?
selena_cat Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Great Work EmporR When you decide you dezer ve better its like being released out of Prison, keep telling yiurself you deserve Much much better than your ex who waas and never will eb faithful to you or any guy/ funny i thought i was my thread abou NC Good luck!
lofi_tokyo Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 what did you let go of? Well, he was my first real "boy friend". I dated a guy before him, and although it damaged me more than this break up has, it was never as serious as this most recent relationship of mine. Since I was kinda new into the serious thing, I got used to no romance - my ex didn't believe in showing affection through romantic gestures. So right out of the gate, romance was off limits. It happened occasionally, we went on a few cute dates, but not many. We said "I love you" a fair amount but thats really where it ended. We dated for four months and broke up. Its weird, but I didn't shed a tear. I let myself be sad for 5 minutes (I timed it) and then I was over him. A month later though, he admitted to missing me and we got back together... although it was never the kind of "back together" I wanted. He became an amazing boyfriend for the first few months of getting back together, he was so cute and such a darling, but for whatever reason, would not call me his girlfriend. Eventually I told a mutual friend we were friends with benefits, essentially, and my ex got upset saying he was hurt I didn't say we were dating... well we wernt, by his own rules! Eventually the girlfriend/boyfriend thing started up again, but it was never set in stone as it should have been. He'd meet new girls and not even mention me. I knew his parents well, and his bestfriend and sister, but that is IT! I never met anyone else, and his reasoning was he didn't haveany other close friends (true but still... I felt like I was living on the fringe of his life). Christmas of year 1, he could either a) visit me or b) get a new car. He chose the new car. Keep in mind he had got a new car only two months prior but didn't like it. We were in a LDR at that point, and he didn't visit ME for over a year. Finally he did, good times for about 6 months, I always visited, not him. He came one more time for our 2yr anniversaryand thats it. I paid for all my trips down. He never helped pay. He didn't have a job, still doesnt (to my knowledge). I let all this slide. And more. He met a TON of girls, all of which he never told about me. I told him that was unfair, but he would only get offended. Eventually he left me for one of those girls. The end all be all is..... I let so much go. Too much. I should have dumped him much sooner, and wanted to, but didn't for fear of being lonely. Lesson learned. Ugh. Also, in bed he was quite selfish, he never tried to satisfy my needs, I had to do that on my own. Meanwhile, he was all over the blowjob scene. Selfish 100% ;p
lofi_tokyo Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 I should also mention that I lied to my friends a lot. I wanted my ex to seem better than he was, so I made up cute things he did, OR I ignored bad things. I also distanced myself from everyone, and spent all my money on my ex. ****ty stuff. Oh well!
Author EmperorR Posted October 25, 2008 Author Posted October 25, 2008 I should also mention that I lied to my friends a lot. I wanted my ex to seem better than he was, so I made up cute things he did, OR I ignored bad things. I also distanced myself from everyone, and spent all my money on my ex. ****ty stuff. Oh well! Ah I did the same, now since NC and 30 days, I look at my ex picture today and I'm like ya she is pretty but there are a million other people who are better looking than her, at one point I thought I would never find anyone that good looking again.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 Ah I did the same, now since NC and 30 days, I look at my ex picture today and I'm like ya she is pretty but there are a million other people who are better looking than her, at one point I thought I would never find anyone that good looking again. Hahahaha me too Emp, me too! The most ironic thing is, when we first met, I found my ex SO SO unattractive. I actually remember being in highschool art class, and I did a drawing of him in order to FORCE myself to appreciate the contours of his face. Totally stange, I know. Anyways, over time I fell in love with that face. I havn't looked at a picture of him since probably the 2nd week we broke up, but I think hes pretty attractive - he got better looking over time (so did I lol)... but yeah, there are much cuter boys out there. Which makes me happy.
Peter_pan Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 wow yeah i felt that about my ex "id never find anyone as attractive" i now look at some other girls and think wow, now all i need to do is get one lol .... tokyo, you sound like a really nice girl, you deserve better than that guy in my honest opinion! i want someone to be caught up on me like that hehe!
lofi_tokyo Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 wow yeah i felt that about my ex "id never find anyone as attractive" i now look at some other girls and think wow, now all i need to do is get one lol .... tokyo, you sound like a really nice girl, you deserve better than that guy in my honest opinion! i want someone to be caught up on me like that hehe! Hehe Thanks Peter . Its nice to hear that! I hope I meet another guy someday that I'm ready to give my heart to like that again. Its fun just loving someone for all they are. Even their imperfections seem wonderful, it brings them down to a human level. That being said, if I do fall in love like that again, I'll know better than to let myself get stomped on. Oy!
selena_cat Posted October 28, 2008 Posted October 28, 2008 I am telling y'all this, NC really really is a Godsend stick to it like there is no tomorrow, never know who might come and light up your path and thank you for leaving the foolishness alone!
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