chanraty Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 [its been a year now and i cried all day and nights. and i cant get over the fact that i lost someone i truly love.. we still talk on the fone and text each other occisionaly. i feel so bad for what i did.. i made a big mistake of having a baby with a guy i had no clue about. everyone makes mistakes and i made a big one and i learned from it. and i got the worse karma ever im paying with my life.. with liver cancer . its all my fault i lost the one thing that really truly understood me and loved me. im sorry for everything i did to hurt him. but i wish he would give me a second chance. like i did with all the numerous times he kicked me out i took him back..i know i cant turn back time. but if this second chance he does gives me and it doesnt works between us then i know it wasnt ment to be. but i havent gotten that chance.. he's the one i want.. i know he loves me alot... and i know its hard to except a baby that isnt his the after what had happened. he asked me several times to get an abortion but i couldnt bare to take a life. i have two other daughters that aren't his. but they been calling him dad for the longest time. and he is the only father figure they ever had. i dont know what to tell them when everytime they ask me if daddy is coming back.. the only thing i said was "i dno.. baby i dno" then ill break down in tears feel like i failed the kids and myself.. for not thinking twice. we would talk on the fone or meet up and i would ask him if he give me another chance. sometimes he says maybe and other times he would just be cold harded and say no then start to get mad.. so then i just give in and say im sorry then drive away in tears. but lately he's been telling me he wants me to move on. my heart is broken and i dont know what to do.. i feel that i deserved a second chance to at least see where this might take us.. i havent eatn or slept that much for several weeks straigght and i just talk to him last night.. and he made me read what he wrote on loveshack.. all i could do was cry... i made a mistake.. im sorry.. the only thing thats keeping going right now are the kids. its hard to not think about him when they ask for daddy everyday
Geishawhelk Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Your SO posts on Loveshack?? I'm not sure this is a good idea for you guys to both be on here....
Author chanraty Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 well he doesnt know i wrote on here and the last one he wrote was in january... we dont hate eachother.. its just that.. i want him back in my life... i dno know if ishould give up.. but i dont want to. i love him so much... i guess it might take time... i still dont dno what to do..
BCCA Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 I dont want to get into all your personal business, but let me take a guess at what your situation is. It sounds like you got pregnant either A) by cheating on him or B) during a split. If it was cheating, then I honestly would have an extremely difficult time forgiving you. Looking at the child would almost be like a lifelong reminder of your unfaithfulness. If it was during a split, then it sucks that it happens like that sometimes, but if you were free to do what you wanted, then he cant really say too much about it (although obviously he doesnt have to be happy about it). If he's telling you to move on, and his answers go from 'I dont know' to 'no' then it sounds like you might want to take his advice. I'm sorry, I know this hurts really bad and you would do anything to make him change his mind, but you should get yourself to realize that there is nothing you can do to change someone else's mind or make them think differently about you. And if he's kicked you out numerous times, it doesn't sound like this has been the most stable relationship overall. The best thing you can do, regardless of what happens in the end, is to TRY and put your feelings and emotions aside, and just focus on the fact that you have wonderful children to raise, and come hell or high water, you're going to raise them to do great things for themselves one day. You don't need anyone else. My mother raised 2 of us all by herself with no husband, no child support, just her own hard work and dedication. I know you can do the same thing. And if you just focus on your kids and your life together, one day, when you least expect it, happiness will find you again. I'm sorry, this sounds like a rough assignment at the moment. You'll be ok though, just let time do its thing.
Author chanraty Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 wow this is kinda hard.. no i never cheated on him ever.. yes it did happened on a spilt. i guess i do i have to learn the facts. your right.. life works in mysterious ways. i hit rock bottom.. i should focus on them a lil more.. yes it does hurt.. knowing that i failed. sometimes i wish that this cancer would just hurry up. i love him so much.... should i stop talking to him..
lakerlover Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 I hope this does not sound cold, but you need to get your s&*% together. You have 2 children that depend on you. And it is possible for you to get back with him, no matter what mistakes you have made, but you can't even attempt that until you get your poop in a group. If you are crying all the time, and every time you talk to him, that is a turn off for anyone on the receiving end.
Author chanraty Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 i hope its possible.. everyone makes a mistake.. i am trying to get it together i finaly turn off my fone and try to keep my head in one piece i wonder if he think about me at all. if he knows how much i love him. but at this point i just need to try my hardest to move on. and keep my distance. i need advice about... when i bump into him. my hearts start pounding again like a jealous rage. and the part of me still being soo linlvoe with him. how do i try to stop it?
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