Peter_pan Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Was in a 3.5yr re with my first ever serious gf, even lived together for 1.8years and when we started to fall apart she changed everything all at one go, her job, where she lived, and of course me. she started dating someone new and told me this through an email after about a month of me trying to do everything right to stay with her and for her to give us a proper chance. i have had no contact with her since dec last year, i broke nc in late may because i decided to move back to england with my family, never got a reply. Since this time, she had split up with him twice but now they are back together and i know this through a friend who checked her myspace, last night he told me that someone had posted on her page "are you coming down to visit with "him"etc but she said no because he has work commitments. so as far as i know he hasnt met her family . but she obviously wants it to be at that stage. first time round she broke up with him i found out about because she came to my hometown and went on a coffee with my best mate. he only informed me of his encounter with her after she had gone back up north. all in all i have experienced the "emotions", sadness, denial, guilt, anger. And despite all this time between us I still cant accept that she dont contact me or anything! It really is painful.>> Another thing that i hate is that she is still with the guy she dropped me for. i find it really difficult and hard to accept, i dont understand what her motive was, its like i did something to hurt her, when i never did. And i know my mate shouldn't tell me about her anymore but he is just trying to be a mate i guess. he knew what we had was special and very important to me. he cant believe she did what she did either. I know there is no way back to her, she lives very far away, has a bf, has no contact with me (my choice initially as i was way to hurt plus i thought she would come to her senses). I couldnt deal with the pain again, things would be very different, would i like that? i would have to give up my life again for her and after everything i just couldnt do that to myself realistically, there are just to many big no NO's to even try and begin to think about getting her back. so why do i do it? Ive dated 1 girl since and things where amazing, but then i just felt we were not right for each other, so i decided to leave it. id much rather be on my own to some degree. ahh life.
Author Peter_pan Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 anyone else relate, or shine some light. I seem to have these good feelings that i'll meet an amazing girl but then that soon passes and i miss the ex and everything she was. argh
HighPlainsDrifter Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 I hear you man. It sucks when you know you can't go back for you, but still have trouble letting it go. I'm dealing with that as well. There would be no trust, and therefore nothing to really go back to. It's crazy that a person has that much power over your own mind. Maybe it is better to be alone for a while. At least until this crap doesn't affect your perspective of other women. It's hard though once you become accustomed to someone. Even if the new situation is better, it feels foreign, and therefore uncomfortable. Your mind plays tricks on you.
MichiganMan222 Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 I think what gets me is I feel like the ONLY way I will heal is to see someone else. But then that someone will not be the ex so I would be unfairly turned off to them. Catch-22. Its like I need someone to sweep me off my feet or I will not lose the pain.
SRV Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 MichiganMan, you need to heal first. The grieving process. I have been in the same situation, when you are with the new person, it does not feel the same and your mind runs back to comparing her with the ex. It does a disservice to you and it is unfair to the new person.
Author Peter_pan Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 yeah exactly !!! thats how i feel 100%. how long will it take! ive not been with her for nearly a year lol, surely the grieving will end. how do you not compare the ex to current? i mean i didnt at first but when things werent as "peachy" as id like, thoughts came flooding back of being so comfortable with the ex its one of the reasons i called us off tbh.
Island Girl Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 how long will it take! ive not been with her for nearly a year lol, surely the grieving will end. You keep it going by going to her MySpace, watching what is is going on in her life, and getting messages about what is happening with her. The sooner you stop all of it the sooner you are on the road to freedom. You have to break the ties that bind you. You have said here there would be no future even if given the chance which you are not. Just let go and move on. Slowly the memories will fade and then when you meet someone new you will really be able to enjoy it.
Author Peter_pan Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 ive not been on her myspace or face book or anything. the only thing i saw was a pic of her kissing him in her profile pic cause she had wrote on my mates wall on face book. i know your right. im trying, just dont believe things will be better. ive always had negative views on things. huff
northstar1 Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 You keep it going by going to her MySpace, watching what is is going on in her life, and getting messages about what is happening with her. The sooner you stop all of it the sooner you are on the road to freedom. You have to break the ties that bind you. You have said here there would be no future even if given the chance which you are not. Just let go and move on. Slowly the memories will fade and then when you meet someone new you will really be able to enjoy it. You are absolutely correct. As hard as it is, you have to pretend she doesn't exist, and your mates need to do the same. No more updates on her myspace, or what she's up to. Getting any news on her, firsthand or not is going to hurt and keep you from moving on. I know part of you doesn't want to let go entirely - but for your own sanity you have to for now.
Author Peter_pan Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 i feel like if i tried hard i could get her back tbh, i feel that when i went into NC, i gave up and it helped her move on not me ! i dont find it odd to talk to her brothers and sisters on msn, they never mention her... ive never asked about her. but i know thats wrong. i was driving home from work and had this horrible feeling that if she dose come to my hometown with him and i see them !! wud make me feel like utter crud... that means i am not over her, i read someones photo name on face book earlier and i thought it was hers, my heart raced. this is madness. should i burn all the stuff she ever wrote me etc as a symbolic letting go? thing is i dont think i could, its like every thing that is left is holding on!
foxh1234 Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Hey PP, it's reality check time my friend. She is gone, has a new man and has not tried to contact you or return your contact. As hard as it is and believe me, I've been there, you have to forget her and move on. You have wasted far too long thinking about her. Do not waste another minute on someone who doesn't want you man. It is hard to take, I know but you must. Your life is too important to waste it this way. It has been 7 months for me and I can honestly say that I'm done with her and feeling bad reliving the past. We both must leave the past behind and concentrate on now and the future. Sure you still care about her, I still love my ex as well but that doesn't change anything. It takes 2 to make it work and she doesn't want you now. Who knows what the future holds but you must regain your life and get back to the great guy you were before her. You can do this man, your stronger than this. Stop living in the past and start to live for now and for yourself. It's time to snap out of it and stop wasting time on one that doesn't deserve it. Start looking instead for the one that does. Take care
northstar1 Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 i feel like if i tried hard i could get her back tbh, i feel that when i went into NC, i gave up and it helped her move on not me ! should i burn all the stuff she ever wrote me etc as a symbolic letting go? thing is i dont think i could, its like every thing that is left is holding on! Peter, as Fox said, you have to also put these thoughts to rest. Going NC did not ruin chances to get back with her. NC has allowed you to heal (and yes, you are healing still, but it takes time). If an ex realy wants to get back with someone, NC will not deter them. But you can't worry about this now, you did what you needed to do to move on. You don't need to burn it, but at least box it up someplace where you wont' look at it. And if you have any pictures or anything that reminds you of her you need to get those out of access.
Author Peter_pan Posted October 25, 2008 Author Posted October 25, 2008 thanks guys, i do need those reality checks, they help a lot! im planning a holiday early next year with a couple of very close mates, its going to be so good. ive never had a lads holiday before really so cant wait !! Im just going to let things fall into place. i dont need her to be happy. im alive and well being me and thats what matters ! i just hate set back days. they really mix your head up
northstar1 Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 thanks guys, i do need those reality checks, they help a lot! im planning a holiday early next year with a couple of very close mates, its going to be so good. ive never had a lads holiday before really so cant wait !! Im just going to let things fall into place. i dont need her to be happy. im alive and well being me and thats what matters ! i just hate set back days. they really mix your head up Best thing really, plan a trip to look forward to. Keep yourself happy.
Recommended Posts