LovieDove24 Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Ok, let me start off by saying my ex and I have a 5 month old daughter together. We have been broken up since his initial "freakout" after the news of me being pregnant. The first three months after our daughter Alaina was born, he and I spent ALL of our free time together taking care of her. He cooked me dinners, always asked how "his girls" were, opened doors for me, the whole nine. Yet when I asked him if he wanted to try for a relationship again he said no. Since then, we still spend quite a bit of time together and have a steady friendship. Because of this friendship, he opens up to me about all sorts of stuff....Here is a list of the many contradictions I've heard come out of his mouth: 1. All I have energy for is a one night stand b/c our daughter sucks the life out of me. 2. I just want to get serious with a girl who is smart, a little shy, and gets my sense of humor. (hello! this is me!) 3. He says he has no idea what he wants out of a relationship. 4. He says that he knows what he wants out of a relationship, and thats why he's not with me. 5. He says we work great together. 6. He says if we did get back together we'd have nothing to talk about once Alaina turns 18 and moves out (ok, what?? I don't even understand the logic behind this one.) I dont know if its necessary to point out that the reason I'm discussing this is because I would LOVE to try for a relationship with him again. We've never even tried it, how can he know it won't work? I just cant take his wishy washy "I dont know what I want/Yes I do" bullcrap anymore. Whatsa girl to do?
carhill Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 What do his actions say? Obviously, you can't believe the cr@p that's coming out of his mouth
amaysngrace Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 He's unsure about what he wants. Give him time and space to figure it all out. Meanwhile try seeing someone else. It may take him ten years to come to his senses. Don't put your life on hold while he gets his crap together. You having a life other than waiting on him to decide what he wants to do will be a real wake-up call for him because you'll take the pressure off of him. So start meeting people. Remember the relationship you have with him is the model relationship for your daughter. Would you want her to be with someone only half-committed?
Author LovieDove24 Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 To me it just seems so simple. Give in to love. Why the hell not give it another go? We have a child together and have developed a great friendship out of this. Funny because we only dated for 4 months when I got pregnant and we were practically strangers still at that point. I realize he does not share my mentality at this time. Hell I dont think he even shares HIS own mentality sometimes. Actually, sometimes I wonder if he just says such "confusing" statements to let me know he doesnt want a relationship but also keep me still holding on a little bit? Hey just typing that I had never really thought of it that way...that actually makes a whole hell of a lotta sense! What do you guys think? Do you think he looks at me and thinks "I have to marry her if I get involved" and that scares/confuses him?? Or do you think that what I said in the previous paragraph is more likely the case?
amaysngrace Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 He'll only think he has to marry you if you keep putting pressure on him by letting him know that's what you ultimately want. Like you said you barely know each other. Marriage shouldn't be based on uncertainty even if children are around. He's uncertain and it's okay for him to be that way. If you barely know him you should be uncertain yourself. Baby or no baby. Start seeing other people. Truly that would probably be in your best interest and give up on being with this guy for right now. If it's meant to be it will be. This guy, if he's the right guy, would want to be with you through and through. You'd know it by now. He's not sure what he wants yet. Respect him enough to give him his space to figure it out. And ask yourself "if we didn't have a baby would I still want to marry this guy?"
Author LovieDove24 Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 Yes I am guilty of putting pressure on him. I cant say though that many other girls in my situation would do any different. Having a child makes you want to have roots, instantly...even if it means doing it backwards. My first gut response to your question of "If there were no child would you want to marry him" was a NO. So I suppose I am conflicted too. But I do want to defend myself and say that the pressure I put on him was not for marriage but instead to "try things out" as a couple. With a title. Because, sheesh it felt like we were a couple just without the title (or the sex) for awhile there. So no, I dont want to marry him. I wanted to go into the relationship the same way I'd go into any new relationship...hoping for the best and seeing where it goes. It makes me feel like there must be something so terribly disgustingly wrong with me that he couldnt even JUST TRY and be with the own damn mother of his child. I mean, seriously we get along very well and he'll be the first to admit it. Onto the part of me moving on...I actually am beginning to do so. The first few months after our daughter was born I let myself romanticize what it would be like if we started dating again. But now I realize that he is just as mixed up as ever and I cant take the heartbreak anymore. He can't give me what I want and really thats all that I am focusing on right now. Is giving myself what HE couldnt and trying to distract myself as best as possible. I will admit moving on from him has proved THE MOST difficult of any of my past relationships....because no contact is absolutely not an option. In fact not only is it NOT an option, we have to speak and see each other damn near every day. Sometimes I want to move to Mexico!!!! Lol
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