Okeydokey Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 this thread is going to combine two topics, but they are kind of related: 1. so, i've been a member for two years. i just went back and read some of my old threads and was quite impressed by how ridiculous some of them were and it sort of struck me how superficial my dating issues have been. anyway, sort of just an observation. but, has anyone else gone back and looked at some of the stuff they posted months ago, and thought, god i can't believe how important that problem seemed at the time, and now it just seems so silly? 2. risking posting another thread that will seem dumb in a couple of years, but have you ever met a couple where they tell you: "oh we were friends for years before we started dating."? REALLY? i don't get that. how can you be friends for YEARS and not realize that you have the hots for each other and click personality wise? i just don't understand this. i have guy friends that will never be more than that and the guys that would have been more than that - we have already dated or are not really friends at the moment bc one or the other of us was not into dating. so, how can you be friends with someone for YEARS and not know that you should be together?
carhill Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 1. You've been a member for 3 years. It's 2008 now 2. Simple. It's called being married I'll start a dumb thread in a couple years about my particular brand of that story
Green Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Well since you havn't been specific I'll just create a situation where people could have been friends for years then dated... Maybe one person was in a serious relationship, maybe they were both in serious relationships with other people, maybe some one lost weight and feeling changed, maybe they got drunk one night slept togather and were like damn we should have been doing this all along ect...
Ronni_W Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 1. That's probably a good sign, though -- would indicate that whatever the "huge" problem was, has been effectively resolved to the point of its "enormous burden" having been forgotten. 2. I think it's about timing. "Years ago" I didn't have the experiences, awareness, understanding, and/or whatever, to be the kind of partner that my b/f needs...and his way of being in relationship wasn't what/how I prefer my relationships to look. Sort of. We became attracted to the more developed "package" (personality.) Put another way, the more immature version (from "years ago") wasn't half so appealing to our senses .
Shygirl15 Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 1. so, i've been a member for two years. i just went back and read some of my old threads and was quite impressed by how ridiculous some of them were and it sort of struck me how superficial my dating issues have been. anyway, sort of just an observation. but, has anyone else gone back and looked at some of the stuff they posted months ago, and thought, god i can't believe how important that problem seemed at the time, and now it just seems so silly? lol...totally agree.
Trialbyfire Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 1. Haha...no, not dumb just transition threads. 2. risking posting another thread that will seem dumb in a couple of years, but have you ever met a couple where they tell you: "oh we were friends for years before we started dating."? REALLY? i don't get that. how can you be friends for YEARS and not realize that you have the hots for each other and click personality wise? i just don't understand this. i have guy friends that will never be more than that and the guys that would have been more than that - we have already dated or are not really friends at the moment bc one or the other of us was not into dating. so, how can you be friends with someone for YEARS and not know that you should be together? I've been friends for years with most of the guys I've been in relationships with. Close friends no, but the friends dating pool, where they've expressed attraction but I prefer to get to know them first. Everyone should have a dating pool to source from!
popey Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 1. now that you mention it, I don't think I want to go back and look. I'm too afraid my answer will be "no"... and I agree w/ Ronnie's comment on this! 2. pretty much inline w/ all others here... sometimes, when one or more particular situations arise, you see how a person is in that context and its that something that makes your response to them something more. An appreciation that you didn't have the opportunity to see before the occurrence can change how you look at the person... just like how you can fall out of love w/ someone.
vanilla87 Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 1. Two Years!? wow, impressive! And yeah it is kind of silly when you look back on issue that were of importance then, that are now just silly. Thats because you grew as a person and gained insight to things you didn't know then. Its called: growing up or mature emotional growth, in most cases. But when you look back you realized that you didn't have all the answers and thats why you came on this website and asked. See now you do have the answers, which shows that you gained insight and wisdom that will further benefit you in the long run. 2. Well see that one I can answer because I'm in that situation. Been friends with this guy for almost seven years now(I'm currently 21 and he is currently 23). We can talk to each other about anything and everything and have the same humor and lean on each other when we need someone, even if its by phone, email, or text. When he is over 1,000 miles away(aka-Afghanistan), he feels as though he can confined in me what he can't in anyone else, so we have this special bond and lingo and its just amazing. For three years nothing happened. We hooked up one night (we we're both not single at that moment), then another three years pass and we made out one night (both single, but I was emotionally unavailable) and then about seven months later we hooked up again (he was technically broken up with his LD gf that night and I was single). Nothing has happened because either I'm involved with someone and he isn't or he is and I'm not or we both are currently involved with other people or that he is located on the opposite of the globe or in another state or we're just too busy to even talk. He also doesn't want to ruin the friendship, because we get along so well. If things didn't work it would be horrible and losing each other would put huge holes in each others lives that would just make for serious problems for years to come. We've talked about it and well we both find each other physically attractive, at the end of the day, when we both look at it, we just have too much to deal with to risk something that has been the greatest bond we've created in our lives. I don't think I could recover from losing him. It would be like I lost a limb and I think he would feel the same too. So to understand why two people stay friends for years and never date is something you have to know for yourself to full understand why it doesn't happen, mostly due to the friendship as the key ingredient to not jump into it, especially if you've been friends for more then 3 years...thats when the stakes get higher in risking and losing. Plus its the inevitable thoughts of "what if..." that makes you wonder if it is worth it in the end...I know I do and so does my friend...
Recommended Posts