Lishy Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 I ended things with my ex a few months ago and have gone no contact - He has been texting me and ringing me, I ignored it all but ignoring does not sit easy with me. He sent joke texts, texts asking me to pick up the phone, texts saying he misses me etc Over the last few days he stepped his game up and rang me 3 times yesterday leaving messages saying could I please pick up the phone. Tonight I cracked and answered it so that I could tell him in no uncertain terms to leave me alone. I wish I did not do this! I thought I could just tell him and he would go away but he is not having it and asked to meet up - I told him I did not want to and had nothing new to say to him, he tried turning it on me and would accept no responsibilty, it was like banging my head on a wall!!! Now I feel like we have broken up all over again and I feel awful! Ignoring it was the better option
Lizzie60 Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 Well at least you didn't meet him.. from now on.. totally ignore him.. I know it's hard but you know that you need to do it.. be strong..
lofi_tokyo Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 Well at least you didn't meet him.. from now on.. totally ignore him.. I know it's hard but you know that you need to do it.. be strong.. Totally agree. At least you didn't meet him!! And yeah, NC is soo hard. Especially if you ex is actively trying to contact you. Its terrible. But, be strong, stay resilient, and you'll make it through. We're all here for you.
Author Lishy Posted October 23, 2008 Author Posted October 23, 2008 Thank you guys and I know you are right! I really find it hard to ignore anyone, it is just how I am so I did really well for ignoring him for this long I just wish he would stop contacting me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He may now though, lets see And thanks again x
BCCA Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 Eventually (if not already), he'll get the point and leave you alone. Be warned, though, he may do the occasional 'hey' every couple of months. I think you did extremely well and should be damned proud of yourself. Its hard enough to avoid phone calls, let alone say no way to the meet up. You're doing super, don't let one little snag take anything away from you. Keep NC, keep ignoring his calls/emails/texts, and keep moving forward. You'll find someone better someday soon, and if thats your picture in the avatar, it shouldnt take long at all Keep your head up!
carhill Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 Watch out for BD's, anniversaries or other special occasions you and he shared. People who don't get the hint to "lose your number" rarely go away easily. Double that if they're male, since rejection goes to the core of their power base
EmperorR Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 My story, NC for 30 days, ex cheated on me and all that, 2 days ago was our 3 year anniversary, after 30 days of NC she texts me the most stupidest text message ever, asking back for a 2 dollar notebook. I'm not stupid she was just trying to see if I remembered, what day it was. So me like a idiot, unblocks her from facebook, and then I saw she is dating someone knew, I literally felt like I did the first day. Don't just go NC GO COLD NC< don't "check", don't wonder don't oonder
alwayssme Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 I ended things with my ex a few months ago and have gone no contact - He has been texting me and ringing me, I ignored it all but ignoring does not sit easy with me. He sent joke texts, texts asking me to pick up the phone, texts saying he misses me etc Over the last few days he stepped his game up and rang me 3 times yesterday leaving messages saying could I please pick up the phone. Tonight I cracked and answered it so that I could tell him in no uncertain terms to leave me alone. I wish I did not do this! I thought I could just tell him and he would go away but he is not having it and asked to meet up - I told him I did not want to and had nothing new to say to him, he tried turning it on me and would accept no responsibilty, it was like banging my head on a wall!!! Now I feel like we have broken up all over again and I feel awful! Ignoring it was the better option do you still love him? what exactly happened to cause the break-up? if he didn't do nothing wrong and is just trying to be your friend, then I don't think you should be harsh about it, he's probably really hurting...
marlena Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Don't beat yourself up over this one. It's difficult not to give in when they come after you like that especially if you have lingering feelings for them. I gave in a few times and lived to regret it as well. His reaction was typical. Not assuming one iota of responsibility for anything. Nothing changed. Only got worse. It took me a while to fully understand and get it through my thick head that this was just the person he was. After that, I was firm and told him in no uncertain terms that I did not want him calling me again. That was about a year ago and today I am FREE of any feelings for him. As for the calls, they stopped although I do get some weird hang-up calls in the middle of the night. I just ignore them. Stick to your guns and ignoring him will get easier as you get stronger. You know, Lishy, that what you see is what you get. They do not change. Period. Expecting a different outcome to a known problem is just wishful thinking.
Trialbyfire Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 While it feels just like the first breakup, you'll get over this time much faster. You might break NC, yet again and each time, it gets easier. I personally think everyone needs at least one NC break, to make them realize why they went NC in the first place!
marlena Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 I personally think everyone needs at least one NC break, to make them realize why they went NC in the first place! Haha!!! So, so true. When I went back to him the second time, I realizd in no time flat why I should have stuck to NC. After that, it became easier and easier. Today, I could care less.
Trialbyfire Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Haha!!! So, so true. When I went back to him the second time, I realizd in no time flat why I should have stuck to NC. After that, it became easier and easier. Today, I could care less. That's exactly the point everyone has to get to. When you get to this point, surprisingly, you can be friends, if there's still some mutual respect and like. I don't know about anyone else but when I hit the point of disinterest, there's no turning back!
marlena Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 I don't know about anyone else but when I hit the point of disinterest, there's no turning back Same here. No, TBF, no respect left at all. In fact when my passion died down, I saw the REAL person and he did not deserve any respect, let alone a minute of my time. I think this often happens. If we disattach, we see in hindsight what we couldn't see or rather did not want to accept as true while we were in the throes of our emotions. This is what NC does. It gives you that perspective. And some peace of mind which is equally important.
Trialbyfire Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Same here. No, TBF, no respect left at all. In fact when my passion died down, I saw the REAL person and he did not deserve any respect, let alone a minute of my time. I recall the situation with your ex and I'm glad you've so moved on.
Author Lishy Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 Thank you so much guys:love: I know you are right and I will not be breaking it again!! I thought I was doing the right thing but Uh Uh I snapped myself out of it by the time I went to bed and now I hope he gets the hint and backs off
Trimmer Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Thank you so much guys:love: I know you are right and I will not be breaking it again!! I thought I was doing the right thing but Uh Uh I snapped myself out of it by the time I went to bed and now I hope he gets the hint and backs off Well, even with all that, at least you were unequivocal about not wanting to meet up or hear from him or whatever. Maybe if he has any rationality at all (and that may be hoping for too much, I realize) there's a chance that some of that will sink in, and may help to mitigate any fantasy he may still have that you might be interested. Now, solid NC will follow it up with a consistent message.
Author Lishy Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 I just want him to stop calling, he has just tried again and it really ruins my day, even though I try not to let it I cant help it!
Trimmer Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Is he calling on your cell? Depending on your phone, you may be able to set the ring tone to "No Ring" for his contact number(s). Make sure his number is in your contacts, then in the settings for that contact, go look for "Ringtone" and see if there is an option to select "No Ring" or something like it. (My phone has this - for any contact, I can select any of my ringtones, or "no ring" for that person.) The call will still come in and light up your phone, but it will not make an audible ring. Then after a period, his call will go straight to voicemail. It doesn't solve the whole problem, and you still have the voicemails to clean up, but it may make it a little less disturbing not to have to hear it ring.... The other possibility is to call your carrier and see if they can block a particular number - tell them you are getting harrassing calls, that it's costing your business time and money, something like that, and see if they can do it. (Technically, they can, it's just a matter of whether they are willing to help you out...)
Author Lishy Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 he rings me at home and on my mobile. I think its a good idea about no ring BUT it still makes me feel funny to see a missed call from him. I just wish I could stop caring and just switch myself off! Thanks for your input T, its appreciated!!
marlena Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 I recall the situation with your ex and I'm glad you've so moved on Thanks TBF. Lishy, keep remembering that he had nothing vital to bring to the table, that he does not even recognize where he went wrong, that he can not change and that you don't want or need the emotional roller coaster ride. Stay in NC mode and you will feel better and stronger in no time. Once you realize that this person is not what you need, it gets easier. Oh, and change your numbers if need be. I have done this too before. I needed the peace of mind to rediscover myself and build up the strength that the relationship had drained from me. You can do it.
BCCA Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 I just want him to stop calling, he has just tried again and it really ruins my day, even though I try not to let it I cant help it! Answering the phone and talking to him would ruin your day even worse. Youre doing the right thing, although I realize that doesnt always make you feel any better right now. Trust me, he isnt going to keep trying to call for weeks or months when youre stonewalling him. He'll get the clue, although some take longer than others to catch on
Author Lishy Posted October 25, 2008 Author Posted October 25, 2008 I agree but I answered and gave it to him full throttle, Lishy style!! When I get angry (it doesnt happen often) I get ANGRY and he got it! I think he will get the message now!!
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