bhweller Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 I now understand the dynamics that get and keep a woman interested in the early stages of dating. Getting sex is not the problem, if anything I get sex too quickly. My issue now is that I want to switch modes at some point. I want intimacy and openness. I want hallmark card mushy crap. Is there a point when that stuff is ok ? When can you admit to a negative emotion ? Is it ever ok to be vulnerable ? If that is never ok ( for a man ) then i'm not sure what I am doing in relationships, because thats what I'm after. I want a connection and some TLC.
Author bhweller Posted October 23, 2008 Author Posted October 23, 2008 In the past I have not had this question. I have had multi-year relationships and the woman always started the mushy stuff first and usually within a few months.
Geishawhelk Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 From your second date. The first one was getting to know each other. The second one could be the big bunch of helium balloons, or the single red rose. Establish in date #1 whether she's a romantic soul.... then in date #2, you prove you were listening....
Author bhweller Posted October 23, 2008 Author Posted October 23, 2008 Well I definitely did not do that with my current gf. We met in a very casual dating situation. Actually when I first met her she was dating somebody else and was very upset because he left her at a bar alone and she was crying. I listened to her story and exchanged instant messenger id's but I did not hit on her. Nothing happened for two weeks, then she messaged me and asked me to go to a bar with her. So it never was mushy, but it seemed like a connection to me and we are still dating 6 months later.
Meaplus3 Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 I now understand the dynamics that get and keep a woman interested in the early stages of dating. Getting sex is not the problem, if anything I get sex too quickly. My issue now is that I want to switch modes at some point. I want intimacy and openness. I want hallmark card mushy crap. Is there a point when that stuff is ok ? When can you admit to a negative emotion ? Is it ever ok to be vulnerable ? If that is never ok ( for a man ) then i'm not sure what I am doing in relationships, because thats what I'm after. I want a connection and some TLC. Honestly, I would have to tell you to listen to your heart on this one. When you feel your ready you will know. I don't think there is a right or wrong time. Good luck to you. AP:)
carhill Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Is there a point when that stuff is ok ? When can you admit to a negative emotion ? Is it ever ok to be vulnerable ? If that is never ok ( for a man ) then i'm not sure what I am doing in relationships, because thats what I'm after. I want a connection and some TLC. You define that for yourself. IMO, it's better to be "yourself" to more efficiently determine if your partner is compatible LTR material, if that's what you're looking for. "Switching" can be disconcerting. "Flow" is better, IMO. If you like sex fast (meaning soon), slowly bring emotional intimacy into that sex and gauge your partner's willingness to engage you. Remember, if you're an "emotional guy", don't fake otherwise. Be yourself. Yes, you may run off some women, but they wouldn't be compatible for a LTR anyway (with you). I would imagine if you are naturally "open", you likely get a lot of female attention anyway, since most women like that in a male friend. The art is folding that openness into a romance so the woman sees your "maleness" as a balance to perceived vulnerability. Practice makes perfect
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