hugznkisses21 Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 First let me start off by saying I am 26 yr of age not 21 (as shown in my name) I have been with my bf for 2.5 years – we bought a home together and are looking forward to our future together…with some problems…. We argue a lot! – mostly cause I can be sensitive and he can be insensitive and then it turns into him getting frustrated blowing up and this a horrible fight – this is a pattern with us. I wouldn’t say we are not compatible - we just haven’t quite figured out how to work with each others personalities. For instance today…he calls me looking for a place that he has to go to to pick up a jacket…I tell him its in a certain place by another store that is quite visible from the road but other than that im not sure of its whereabouts 100% especially whether its east, west, north, south. So he gets frustrated with me and the situation and sorta hangs up. I text him and say why are you getting frustrated with me? Granted I know – he was lost a bit and traffic etc but I ask…I guess I thought he would say “sorry hun was lost and having trouble finding it” NO instead he tells me that im picking a fight and need to CHILL. Well call me stubborn but if I don’t agree with that im going to speak up – so I told him don’t tell me to chill I was only asking. In which the fight goes farther and farther with him telling me that I am downplaying my reactions….crazy eh. Problem is this. We are extremely loving, caring, and affectionate and have a great solid base of a relationship but this sorta thing always happens with him….its almost as if he plays but different rules. There are rules for him and rules for me. Like if I tell him to relax he says to me please don’t say that I don’t like when people tell me to relax…ok so how come I cant say please don’t tell me to chill. Same thing you would think...NO? well sounds trivial ….but no they aren’t to him there are different rules for him and this applies to many things (not so much major things but small things) and it drives me crazy as well as makes me feel pushed away – which sucks cause I love him and we hope to move our relationship to marriage level if we can work this out…any advice? Sometimes to me this comes off as acting spoiled. Like he is right and what he says is right but if I say it isn’t now….its like a brat (not so much mean but a brat) He has said things like he knows I wait by the phone for him to call – and it like I feel like saying “HEY buddy get over yourself” ya know! I have read the book the rules and im thinking if applying these to our relationship would it help? Sorry this is scattered but I think you guys get it!
Geishawhelk Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 you're 26.... you've been dating for 2.5 years.... and you're still bickering like a pair of schoolkids..? we just haven’t quite figured out how to work with each others personalities. No. You both have issues of control. Must have last word. Tit for tat. Anything you can say I can say louder. if you're going to get anywhere, you are going to have to develop Respect for each other, give each other space, not see everything as a red rag to a bull, and back off a bit, instead of biting back. Communicating skills are really not that hard. You don't interrupt, and you listen to what the other person is saying, instead of going on the defensive. get them to clarify, instead of assumimng you know what they mean. remember that around 70% of communication is body Language. texting and phoning is the worst..... get something sorted. Or you guys are in for a bumpy ride.
soconfused01 Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 be as patient and nice as you possibly can for a week or so and he might chill out. i agree you guys have control issues, me and my bf have the same thing and I just didn't rise or argue back or put my two cents in for a while and eventually he relaxed and didn't feel the need to challenge me all the time
CommitmentPhobe Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 Oh god, sounds like the relationship I had where I bought a house with my then girlfriend, was just a bit younger than you....the trials and tribulations of living together in your 20's Good luck that's all I'm going to say. Sorry I cant be more helpful.
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