Geezer Juice: I was thinking of getting an off the side love nest with this man

[Newcommer]

I met a man who is 16 years older than me. Luckily I am an adult who is finacially stable so it is not as if I am a teenager. We both have our own and are independent.

 

The problem is after years of being in two solid relationships, I meet this man and realized I probably never in my life had a real boyfriend. For I love all that we do together and recently I have learned to even enjoy making love which I never before had.

 

This man is respectful and adventurous and everything I wanted and never knew I did. My problem is he had two children. They are teenagers. He is the parent with custody. I know I can not decide I want to marry this man and walk into his life with his children. There are many reasons. The first being our sleeping patterns do not match. I need quite and to go to bed very early. His entire family goes to bed at 2 or 3 in the morning. The other thing is I never lived on my own. I still live with my family. I don't think I am ready for such a phase of moving out of one situation into another. So I wa thinking of getting an off the side love nest with this man. A place where we both go to. What do you think? Does this sound reasonable? Help me I am so confused. I am too old to be so stupid , but hey, better late than never to discover love.

[yes]

you say you've never lived on your own. why don't you move out & get a place of your own now? his kids are teens, so in maybe 5 years they'll be out of his house, right? by then, you will have had enough living on your own, and you can marry him [if you're still together, etc.] Meanwhile, he can visit you at your place, provided he does it gracefully and respectfully.

 

i think it's good to be on your own for a while before marrying, don't you think?...

 

good luck!

-yes

[HokeyReligions]

Ditto Yes' reply.

 

Get your own place and be totally independent. You will learn even more about yourself and what you want in a relationship and you'll be a better, more well-rounded person, for having lived completely independently.

[newcommer]

Hello:

 

I want to thank you for your replies to my post. Both of your replies are very reasonable thoughts. You know I developed too much insecurity in my life and I think my biggest fear is living on my own. I have no idea why. I am the oldest and the last to leave home. Yet my brothers are not really living on their own technically. One brother has been living in a respite home for the past three years he is 28yrs old. I see that even though he is handicap he has grown up simply by being away from my families influence. My other brother was so tired of the constant yelling and criticism from my family he joined the Marines. He is doing well and has been in the Marines for 2 years. Over there stationed in Yemen for a few months fighting in the war, when he came home for his 2 week break he was once again treated like a baby and not the man he has clearly become. Criticized for his dress and friends he associated with by my parents, he said Yemen was easier to deal with (smile).

 

None of us married nor wants children. I will admit that there is no freedom for me living here. For although I have a Ph.D and a steady job, my family treats me as though I were years old and I can not have company and they are in my business and they drive me crazy but a part of me has not been able to break free. People tell me it is because I am too comfortable in my home. My folks set it up like a luxury apartment. I think I don’t leave because I don’t want to be on my own and fail. Perhaps I just hate boredom. I can only imagine how lonely it must be to be alone. I think the truth is the entire truth is I can’t explain my fears of living on my own. If I knew why maybe I would have moved out.

 

I travel all over the world. I go on group tours and do single supplements, so it is not as if I am afraid of being completely alone. I just think I would be bored. It’s such a hard issue. I think that is why I posted my original post. Because for the first time in my life I have met someone who treats me as if we are a team and can handle anything. I feel I am ready to get out of my families strong hold and take a dive into something new. I don’t want to marry this man for I am not crazy enough to think that we could so easily adjust to one anothers life styles. I was thinking of us getting a place together because I don’t know if I could mentally convince myself to move out for me.