nick212 Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 Past 3 months have been on again and off again with my girlfriend of a year. She basically will blame me for all her wrong, and I will chase her and try to do everything for her. It will be fine for a few days. Then she will say how "I keep her from her friends , blah blah", and how I am the bad guy. And thus insues a "argument, with her breaking up with me, or me telling her I can't take it anymore". She texts me stupid things, and can't go more than a few hours without talking to me. Then She will cry to me about how she has no one, and that she loves me and wants to be with me. It happened again today, and what Can I do so I don't fall in this trap anymore, I'm sick of this.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 It sounds to me like she does not have a good relationship with her friends. She gets upset about this and blames you and breaks up with you... but because she does not have a solid crew to hang out with, she gets lonely and ends up totally dependent on you, which she dislikes. I don't know if this is really something you can fix for her so much as something she needs to fix for herself. I'm not really sure where you can go from here... except for me to say I'm really sorry you're caught in this situation. Its rough going from having someone to losing them, getting hope again and losing it.
Claudem Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 Hi Nick212 I went through the same, i was in a relationship for 2 years, on and off every 2nd month. I personally believe that the relationship will never be the same, trust is broken and feelings of insecurity kreep in. I had no faith in my gf. It has now been 10 days of NC and i'm doing fine. We all need to know that our partners will be by our side through thick and thin, you are not her Plan B. Put your foot down now or get out and save yourself alot of heartache and pain.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 In my experience on/off is a waste of time and you will look back and wonder why you spent so much time waffling when you could have just gotten on with your life. My advice is to make a decision to be together, or make a decision not to be together, and stick to it.
Author nick212 Posted October 23, 2008 Author Posted October 23, 2008 Well, IDK, last nite, this all started, she sent me texts, wanting to talk, and saying she loves me, and today she called and texted me, but I didn't respond.. Why is she trying to talk to me?
lofi_tokyo Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 Same reason as always. Shes lonely. When people get out of a relationship, they're thrown into a new world, the world of singles. They no longer have that one person to rely on, that one person that will always love them, always think about them, always be there. Its lonely at first! That does not mean its bad, in fact, being single can be the best time of your life if you let it be. The problem is your ex won't just try the single thing long enough to get used to not having you around. So she goes through withdrawl, caves in and calls you. She legitimately misses you, and loves having you around... BUT only because it makes her less lonely. This is not something you can fix. She needs to get used to being independent. I suggest NC, because a) You'll get some time off from this non-sense, probably find a more stable girl and b) your ex will finally have the ability to get stronger.
Geishawhelk Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 Why does she ever contact you after a break? See your first Original post, above.... Then read Ruby Slippers' post again, and get it. Move on, do not contact her, ring her, e-mail her, talk to her, PM her, text her, MSN her, Myspace her, Facebook her, or see her ever again. EVER AGAIN. Quit. Move on. Get out. Vammoose. Scram. Take a hike. Go. walk away. You're getting all this are you.....?
Author nick212 Posted October 23, 2008 Author Posted October 23, 2008 Yeah, I won't be her plan b, im sick of that, when something better comes along (going out) she leaves me and does that, Forget that.
lofi_tokyo Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 Yeah, I won't be her plan b, im sick of that, when something better comes along (going out) she leaves me and does that, Forget that. Good attitude. The girl sounds like a mess. You've done what you could, taking her back time and time again, but honestly, theres only so much you can offer before she'll burn you out. Sounds like she already has. At that point, you need to walk away, ignore her calls, go full NC, and let her deal with her own issues.
BCCA Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 Why does she ever contact you after a break? See your first Original post, above.... Then read Ruby Slippers' post again, and get it. Move on, do not contact her, ring her, e-mail her, talk to her, PM her, text her, MSN her, Myspace her, Facebook her, or see her ever again. EVER AGAIN. Quit. Move on. Get out. Vammoose. Scram. Take a hike. Go. walk away. You're getting all this are you.....? ^THIS!!! She is being extremely selfish. She just wants to know someone out there will always be there to offer a shoulder to cry on, despite the fact that shes treated you like complete crap. Would you act the way she has to someone you had any intention of keeping around long term? NO WAY! No one would. She's just using you for whatever she can get for as long as she can get it. Eventually, if you stick around, she'll find your replacement, and you'll be out in the cold faster than you can blink. Selfish girl, avoid her at all costs. Don't reward her bad behavior by allowing her to act like a jerk and still get what she wants.
Author nick212 Posted October 23, 2008 Author Posted October 23, 2008 Yeah, I know she will try again , I'm just preparing myself for her call or text, and ready to press the delete button. Things go well for a few days, and then she does this charade again, like clockwork. I am sick of it. I have always caved in, but not this time, I will not contact her. SHE CAVED IN TODAY, by texting me, and it was the first full day.
Geishawhelk Posted October 23, 2008 Posted October 23, 2008 delete all details you have of her, and block her wherever possible. If you can, change your 'phone number, or try to block her calls somehow. change e-mail or open a second account, advise everyone (but her, of course!) and stop using the old account. lock it down.... Really really exorcise her from your life. You've just lost 110lbs of useless baggage.
Author nick212 Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 Just a question? If she already calls, texts me, and it wasnt a full day, is she likely to do it?
pinkrazr Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 ugh, just back off from that woman! she seems to just make you feel like you an enemy for breathing!! seriously! you seem to have such a good heart.
BCCA Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 Just a question? If she already calls, texts me, and it wasnt a full day, is she likely to do it again? Yeah, she is. And she'll keep trying, less and less often, until she meets someone else or gives up. The problem with accepting this back/forth behavior is that you've essentially given her the idea that its ok with you. So, she might be a little shocked and keep trying to text/call to test you out, but once she gets it through her head that you're not playing that game anymore, I really believe that she'll go elsewhere. She's manipulative and mean to you. You do seem like you have a good heart, don't tolerate this anymore. You'll be much happier.
Author nick212 Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 Yeah, she is. And she'll keep trying, less and less often, until she meets someone else or gives up. The problem with accepting this back/forth behavior is that you've essentially given her the idea that its ok with you. So, she might be a little shocked and keep trying to text/call to test you out, but once she gets it through her head that you're not playing that game anymore, I really believe that she'll go elsewhere. She's manipulative and mean to you. You do seem like you have a good heart, don't tolerate this anymore. You'll be much happier. How can I be happier when I am the one left sitting here in my room, by myself. You know? I guarantee she's not feeling bad.
Author nick212 Posted October 24, 2008 Author Posted October 24, 2008 She just texted me again at 8:30 , I have no intentions on talking to her .
BCCA Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 How can I be happier when I am the one left sitting here in my room, by myself. You know? I guarantee she's not feeling bad. You're looking at the short term only. Do you want to be happy 1-2 days a week with a flaky girl that keeps treating you like garbage, or would you rather wait it out and find someone who is considerate of your feelings and wants you in their life? Isn't it worth a little while of being alone to find someone better than this? I promise you, when you meet someone else, you'll wonder what the hell you wasted your time for with this girl.
Claudem Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 BCCA hit the nail on the head, look at the bigger picture, don't fall for any of her manipulation, if you go back it will be a short term "fix". do you really want to spend your valuable time with someone that blows hot and cold all the time. You never know where you stand in the rlationship. You will always feel insecure and trust me you don't want that. Find someone that will love you unconditionally, don't sell yourself short, stick to ignoring her calls/txt's/emails etc, i fell for her trap time and time again...not this time though. 11 days NC and i'm feeling really good. Changed my number and blocked all other forms of contact. I will not be anybody's doormat...lesson learned. As they say, rather be single than be in a unhappy relationship, so true. Be strong and hang in there. It truly does get better.
Geishawhelk Posted October 24, 2008 Posted October 24, 2008 nick, don't keep telling us she's texted you again....keep telling us "I'm ignoring her! Yay!!" Do not give in to temptation.... It's like this... you're doing something really important and intricate, like making a model pirate ship, with rigging, sails, ropes, little figures the lot....you know....? (this is a metaphor for "building yourself an interesting life....") and she's on the couch next to you, constantly nudging you, pulling on your sleeve, tapping you on the shoulder.... Now, how long is it going to be before you turn round and yell - "Fer chrissakes!! Will you quit doing that?? can't you see I'm busy - ?!??!?" Not too long, huh? Ok, well, that's what she's doing. So you go on, making this wonderful intricate, detailed and highly attractive ship (life) for yourself, and get her to shut up. By ignoring her.
Author nick212 Posted October 25, 2008 Author Posted October 25, 2008 She keeps texting, today she said "she misses me and loves me" , then when I didn't respond, she just said "Ok I got a new guy , bye"
Geishawhelk Posted October 25, 2008 Posted October 25, 2008 OOoooH! New tactic! "Can't get him to talk to me normally, so - I'll break one of his sailors! there!! Howdya like that then - ?! Nyah-nyah!!" She's just trying to get you to respond. New Guy? Bye?? Ignore it - !! man, she's getting desperate!
Author nick212 Posted October 26, 2008 Author Posted October 26, 2008 Today she texted me , saying "hi, miss you , and love you " Then she went on to ask "Who my new girl was ", and that " After I didn't respond, she has a new guy she is talking to ". God, why does she say this? It hurts me so bad.
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